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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    10

    Exclamation Stepparent Adoption of Children Without the Mother's Consent

    My question involves adoption law for the State of: California

    My fiance has full custody of his two daughters that have been living with us for the past 2 years. We are planning to be married soon and once we are married I want to adopt his two daughters. There was an open CPS case leading up to us getting custody, the mother was abusing drugs (again) and not taking care of the children. She was given the opportunity to get sober, and did not maintain her sobriety. She has 4 children, 1 was given up for adoption at birth, the 2 we have (they have been part of more than 1 CPS case with her) and another daughter that is in the process of being adopted right now. She has had no contact with the children for almost a year, partly because we told her she is not allowed to see the girls while she is abusing drugs as she is very unreliable and comes in and out of their lives. She pays no child support nor does she contribute with any of their expenses. She is currently still on drugs, and was recently involved (she was present when this happened) in her 14 year old sister's 3 month old son's death... (the grandmother, 14 year old sister, and mom of my step children are all abusing drugs).

    In light of everything above, I want to get this started as soon as possible. If something were to happen to my soon to be husband, I do not want to have to fight with her for custody, no matter what whether she is still on drugs or has gotten sober. However, I highly doubt she will consent. I have been trying to research the laws regarding this and I think i can petition to be able to adopt them even without her consent... is this true? Does anyone have any insight on the process or how I begin to go about this? Thanks for any help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Dad has permission from the court to deny parenting time - correct?

    Answer that question first please.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Visitation is at the discretion of the father. If he feels she is not sober, he has the right to deny her visitation. That is my understanding of the paperwork and what we discussed with the social worker when the case was being closed last year.

    He has not had to deny her visitation as of yet because she has not made any real effort. The only communication she has made regarding the girls is speaking to them on the phone via a Facebook message, but she has not attempted to call or anything.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    California
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    260

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Good....God....What an awful story...

    Courts can terminate the parental rights without the consent if they deem it to be in the best interests of the child. But, mom still needs to be notified. And mom will have the opportunity to contest the adoption, and she will be appointed counsel if she wants to fight the adoption. It sounds like you are looking to adopt based on grounds of abandonment by mom. You would have to be married first, of course, and be able to show mom has been absent for 1 year.

    Also, this is a very lengthy and expensive process to go through, especially if you are anticipating mom putting up a fight. If your soon to be husband is in good health, is there really a reason to rush to do this if mom isn't that active in the lives of these girls?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    This forum can only advise you to do one thing in this situation.

    GET AN ATTORNEY.

    Dad's reasons are compelling, but there is always the chance that a sympathetic judge will give Mom at least another chance to straighten up.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    10

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    My fiance is in pretty good health, but we both feel very strongly that this is in the best interest for the children. The mother's (lets refer to her as M) entire side of the family is on drugs and it does not seem that will ever change. The mother occasionally gets sober for a year or so but then always falls back into the old habits. After seeing her close proximity to the death of her 14 year old sister's son (by the way, the sister's baby's father was 20 years old, on heroin according to M's interview with a local newspaper and she still allowed him to take the child out of the home), I would never want her to have any chance at getting custody of the children. I guess my hope is that if I were to take action soon, she may still be on drugs and not even bother to show up to court since she is not sober. When we were going thru the custody situation, the courts said they could not terminate her rights without terminating the father's. I guess when it has to do with parental rights, if there is not a spouse involved (him and I were obviously not married) it is all or nothing? I found it to be very strange.

  7. #7
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Quote Quoting megansamson
    View Post
    My fiance is in pretty good health, but we both feel very strongly that this is in the best interest for the children. The mother's (lets refer to her as M) entire side of the family is on drugs and it does not seem that will ever change. The mother occasionally gets sober for a year or so but then always falls back into the old habits. After seeing her close proximity to the death of her 14 year old sister's son (by the way, the sister's baby's father was 20 years old, on heroin according to M's interview with a local newspaper and she still allowed him to take the child out of the home), I would never want her to have any chance at getting custody of the children. I guess my hope is that if I were to take action soon, she may still be on drugs and not even bother to show up to court since she is not sober. When we were going thru the custody situation, the courts said they could not terminate her rights without terminating the father's. I guess when it has to do with parental rights, if there is not a spouse involved (him and I were obviously not married) it is all or nothing? I found it to be very strange.
    Okay there's one thing you seriously need to STOP DOING IMMEDIATELY.

    STOP hinting that Mom (let's refer to her as Mom, shall we?) is somehow connected to her nephew's death. That's a useless argument and I can only hope that Dad has more sense than to even raise the issue.

    I'm hoping that Mom DOES get clean, and decides to be an active, effective parent. THAT is what would be best for this child. Your hope that she doesn't, is actually very, very telling.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    I will respectfully disagree. You have no idea the history of the family or what the children have been through under her care. My hope is not that she never gets sober, my hope is that she does not impede what is best for these children, which is allowing someone who can and will take care of them to do so. A mother does not allow their children to LIVE with lice. Not once, not twice, not even five times. A mother does not allow her children to left in a motel room for 3 days with a 19 year old heroin addict brother, no food, no clean clothes and no diapers, and then be no where to be found when they are getting kicked out of the hotel. This is the state I picked them up in 2 years ago. I appreciate your sentiment for their mother, but please don't act like you know the situation. And please do not assume you know her connection to her nephew's death from the few details I've left on here. Just because I am not posting all the details, does not mean I am wrong.

    Regardless, I am interested in the legal process for adopting the girls, not about all the details of her family situation and drug abuse. I just want to know whether or not I have any chance of adopting them considering she has been absent for a year if she will not consent.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    in alto mare
    Posts
    1,123

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Do follow up on your promise to marry because without a marriage certificate, you are not a stepparent.

    If you do a search of this and other forums you will learn that most judges and social service agencies in California want to see you in a stable marriage of at least a year before considering termination of parental rights for a stepparent adoption.

    Like Dogmatique said, you really need a lawyer.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Stepparent Adoption of Children Without Mother's Consent

    Okay that is helpful and I understand why they would want to see that. So even though we have been together for several years and have been living together with custody of the girls for 2 years now, they would more than likely want to see a stable marriage of at least a year.

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