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  1. #1

    Default Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Wisconsin

    My wife and I have been talking about a trial separation instead of jumping right to a divorce. We've been married for 17 years and it has been pretty uneventful in all areas of the marriage so I think we both feel like good friends who had a child together. We both agree on joint custody of my daughter including 50/50 placement. We both agree to live and work in the same small town. She says she doesn't even want child support because she makes a good salary. But, I make a little more than her so I think Wisconsin says I have to pay, regardless of whether she wants it or not. Not a big deal, my calculation using the 50/50 placement calculator comes out to about $400 a month.

    Anyway, we have a house with about $180,000 in equity. We owe about $40k. We both agree to sell it and split the profits 50/50. I guess my point is, if we both agree on all of these things, can't we just meet with a lawyer to get it all legally blessed, signed, and completed? It seems too easy. I have a 401k and a pension, but so does she, from the same company! If we both agree that we keep our 401k's and pensions to ourselves, does the whole thing seem rather straight forward and non complicated? And, can we do that if we want to? She says she'd even still want to be friends when all is said and done.

    If this works then we can have the best outcome for our situation:

    Child gets equal time with both parents, stays at the same school, and sees that parents can separate without destroying everyones world.

    Mom and Dad get their own places and own space and if it seems suitable to both parties we just make it an official divorce at some point.

    Has anybody had this go as smoothly as it sounds?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    My separation went that smoothly...and yes, we stayed friends. It was kind of like having another brother, eventually. The divorce was not quite so smooth, but only because the lawyer's didn't like what we had agreed upon and we had to put our foot down with them.

    However, in the end, you will probably be in a better position, and avoid future conflicts/buyer's remorse, if you make sure that the property settlement is truly 50/50, including the 401ks. If the 401k amounts are within a few thousand of each other it might not be a later problem, but if they are not, dividing then evenly via a QDRO or adjusting some other asset (like the home equity) to split the difference, might be wiser.

    A lawyer can only work for one party to a divorce, so if you decide to use just one lawyer to handle the paperwork remember that the lawyer will only be working for the party who hired them. That is also something that can cause problems down the road, unless you are very scrupulous about making sure that property settlement is truly 50/50 and does not favor the party who hired the attorney.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    Happens all the time. I remember a couple in my courtroom that high fived each other after the judge told them that they were officially divorced.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    if you are comfortable with the paperwork you don't even have to have a lawyer although it makes things a lot simpler.

    You can generally agree to anything you wish to agree to. Your intentions are not so out of line I can see where a court would have an issue with any of it, including the lack of child support. Besides, that can always be changed in the future since it is actually an independent action of the divorce itself and is always subject to change due to the fluidity of life circumstances. Child custody is the same.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    Quote Quoting luvmydaughter
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    Has anybody had this go as smoothly as it sounds?
    Yes, there's a divorced couple from the Ozarks listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.

    Seriously, though, if this is really happening I suggest you avoid lawyers like the plague. As already noted a lawyer will only represent one of you and isn't going to be satisfied with charging a couple of hundred just to review your paperwork. As soon as he/she finds one little item in contention he/she will foment hostilities and lawyer fees will run into thousands.

    The Wisconsin court system has all the forms that you need:

    http://www.wicourts.gov/forms1/circu...=12&SubCat=All

    And you can google Wisconsin DIY divorce and get plenty of guides and forms.

    Wisconsin apparently allows you to treat your division of assets and liabilities as either community property or equitable property.

    Equitable means that you can use offsets if things aren't quite equal.

    401(k)s for example. If one of you has 100,000 and the other has 80,000 you can avoid the hassle of QDROs by dividing the difference and offsetting 10,000 by giving maybe a greater share of the house proceeds or keep a greater share of debt. You get the idea.

    Start by making a balance sheet showing all of your assets and liabilities and see if you can agree on a reasonable split.

    One thing I strongly suggest is that you each get credit cards in your own name ASAP then cancel your joint credit cards and transfer balances to your new cards in whatever split you arrive at.

    As for child support, as long as you aren't getting the courts involved for a while you can make an informal agreement based on your financial needs. Doesn't have to be what the state mandates as long as you are close. Just make sure any checks you write to her after separation are marked child support and you keep copies of the checks forever. It has nothing to do with trust. Too many have made the mistake of spending money on the kids and still get hit by the state for child support arrears because it wasn't "child support."

    Come back to this thread with any other questions that you need help with.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    I have to disagree with you jack. In my divorce I paid for my wife's attorney. She and I would usually go to meetings together. After the first time I asked something, he looked at my wife and asked; do I have your permission to discuss the situation with him and she said yes, without limit, it was never a question again. He filed the paperwork that included our intentions and followed it through the court. He met us at the courthouse for the final hearing. Afterwards he left and my former wife and I went to lunch, together.

    that was a few years ago but it never went beyond the $350 uncontested divorce fee I paid him originally.


    and there is no reason OP has to pay the ex child support unless she demands it of him. The state does not care if a person is paying child support if neither of them care. They will not force a person to go to court and seek child support unless they are availing themselves of state aid of some sort. Without that and with neither complaining, it really is none of the state's business.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    Quote Quoting jk
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    and there is no reason OP has to pay the ex child support unless she demands it of him. The state does not care if a person is paying child support if neither of them care. They will not force a person to go to court and seek child support unless they are availing themselves of state aid of some sort. Without that and with neither complaining, it really is none of the state's business.
    I think that there is variation on that...maybe even from judge to judge. However, since child support is always fluid and modifiable the OP should at least be prepared to pay child support at some point in the future. Its better to be prepared so its not a surprise if it happens later.

    Dad, another important issue to address is claiming the child for tax purposes. You don't want that to be a bone of contention later.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    Quote Quoting jk
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    I have to disagree with you jack. In my divorce I paid for my wife's attorney. She and I would usually go to meetings together. After the first time I asked something, he looked at my wife and asked; do I have your permission to discuss the situation with him and she said yes, without limit, it was never a question again. He filed the paperwork that included our intentions and followed it through the court. He met us at the courthouse for the final hearing. Afterwards he left and my former wife and I went to lunch, together.

    that was a few years ago but it never went beyond the $350 uncontested divorce fee I paid him originally.
    You dodged a bullet. Most people aren't that lucky.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Dad, another important issue to address is claiming the child for tax purposes. You don't want that to be a bone of contention later.
    Right.

    Once it's decided who gets the exemption, the one who doesn't can submit Form 8332 to the IRS.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    Just a slight correction...even in a 50/50 situation there is always going to be one parent who has 182 nights that year, with the other having 183 (except leap years)...plus holidays and vacations make a difference as well. Therefore in a 50/50 situation the parent who is "custodial" under the IRS definition (which house the child slept at more nights that year) could very well vary from year to year. Form 8332 is given by the "custodial" parent to the non-custodial parent if the non-custodial parent is claiming the child.

    Its also possible to arrange a schedule that automatically makes the parent whose year it is to claim the exemption, the custodial parent.

    Example: Even years mom gets the exemption and gets 6 out of 10 summer weeks. Odd years dad gets the exemption and gets 6 out of 10 summer weeks.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Trial Separation Where Neither of Us Want Much

    regardless of whom has the child the greater time, the parents can agree to allow either of them to have the deduction all of the time or they can agree to whatever they want regarding who gets the deduction. If it is written in the divorce decree, the parties would have to seek an amendment to the order to change it. It is is decided outside of the court, as long as they agree it is whatever they agree to. It's when one party feels wronged that there becomes a problem. Then, presuming there is nothing in the order addressing it, it will be determined by whomever the IRS and their rules as applied to the couple's situation determine it to be.

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