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  1. #1

    Default Asking for Sole Custody Now, Seeking Child Support Later

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New York

    I want to file a request with the Family Court for full custody, but want to file a request for child support at a later date.

    My Ex and I have had 50-50 shared custody of our 19 year old since our divorce 9 years ago.

    Fifteen months ago, he asked me to file for full custody to get him away from his mother and stepfather. ( His 21 year old brother moved in with me full time at age 15 to get away from her ) The case was postponed, but that day she said he could live with me full time. I withdrew the motion . But now I need full custody so that I can have full decision making without her interference. I will want her to contribute to his expenses, which have increased by $1200/mos for psychiatric and psychological services.

    Our agreement requires that we communicate regarding matters of health and education. She has a pattern of being hostile whenever there is something to discuss, and now sent me an email that she will only discuss issues directly with my son and does not want me to communicate with her. He has some severe emotional problems which resulted in his inability to stay in college and is essentially home-bound, unable to work and needing frequent advice and support. He has a weekly psychiatrist, has added a psychologist weekly for CBT therapy, and will be undergoing additional neuropsychological testing. He will be trying to return to college in the fall and will need a variety of support services.

    It is necessary for his parents to be involved in the therapies and to help him with planning, services, etc. I am the only one who participates with his therapists. Now that she is refusing to communicate with me on these issues ( and said so in writing) I would like to have full custody so that I can make decisions with him without the requirement of checking with her, and without her being able to sabotage this by unilateral contradicting my guidance for spite.

    I think this is a clear cut case where shared custody is impossible, so I expect to easily get full custody. (am I wrong?)

    Can I apply for full custody now and postpone requesting child support to a later date? ( our agreement had me paying child support but said that child support would end if he "establishes a permanent residence away from the mother." I stopped paying when his mother agreed in writing that he had established the permanent residence with me.)

    I have 2 reasons for wanting to do this in 2 steps. First is that I want to get full custody ASAP, and I think I can go to family court without the expense of a lawyer since this seems straight forward. I think I should have a lawyer to the request for child support, because her attorney will argue against it. Second, in a few months, she will be receiving $250,000 lump sum paid out of a trust fund I am inheriting. That will change her financial picture. Third, he recently started additional therapy raising his monthly out of pocket costs to $1200 per month. It will take time to put together the justifications for requesting child support, so that her attorney will not succeed in blocking it because I have a much large income than hers.

    ( last year I posted a thread about asking for emergency custody for a potentially suicidal child. Those interested in seeing this as an ongoing saga may wish to read it)

    Thanks,

    MyKidsDad

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Wouldn't guardianship at this point be the better option, given that your son is now past the age of majority?

    Child support can continue in NY until 21.

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Are you confusing physical custody with legal custody?

    If you want sole legal custody, you might find that it's simply not as easy as you seem to think. Timing might be an issue - do you understand that it could take years to have the matter settled... by which point it would be moot anyway?

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Quote Quoting geek
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    Wouldn't guardianship at this point be the better option, given that your son is now past the age of majority?

    Child support can continue in NY until 21.
    The actual age of majority in NY is 21. I know that's odd, but its true.

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Are you confusing physical custody with legal custody?

    If you want sole legal custody, you might find that it's simply not as easy as you seem to think. Timing might be an issue - do you understand that it could take years to have the matter settled... by which point it would be moot anyway?

    The child is 19, couldn't the child just pack a bag and move in with Dad? Who's going to stop it? Not the cops.

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Yeah. Post hx.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting geek
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    The child is 19, couldn't the child just pack a bag and move in with Dad? Who's going to stop it? Not the cops.
    See L's post.

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    The actual age of majority in NY is 21. I know that's odd, but its true.
    Ok, but I don't think the police will drag a 19 year old back to mom's house.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Yeah. Post hx.

    - - - Updated - - -



    See L's post.

    I'll hush up and do some reading.

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Quote Quoting geek
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    Ok, but I don't think the police will drag a 19 year old back to mom's house.

    - - - Updated - - -
    No, they won't. However "custody" does still apply, not just child support. Its weird because a child can emancipate themselves by leaving their parent's care, but if they remain in their parent's care, they are still under their parent's custody.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    To clarify. We have joint residential custody and joint legal custody. In order to get my wife to agree to 50-50, I had to agree to pay a agreed upon child support.

    !5 months ago, he moved in with me permanently, changing all his addresses to mine. His mother consented. The agreement says that "child support ends if he establishes a permanent residency away from the mother." That is where things stand.

    He now has major therapy expenses (1200 a month and will soon increase to at least 1500 per month) In the agreement, I cover this.

    I want to get full custody and get child support from her to help cover these expenses. He has slept over at her house maybe 4 or 5 nights in the past 12 months to visit.

    I would think that it would be easy to get custody because he lives 100% with me, wants me to have custody, she refuses to discuss matters about him with me. As a matter of fact, her hostility is so great that most emails are responded to with vulgarities, her calling me terrible names and her saying she refuses to discuss his college, his medical issues, etc with me. (we onl y communicate by email so all the communications are documented.)

    I assume a judge would not allow joint custody if one parent is hostile to the point of refusing to discuss matters of the child's wellbeing.

    I hope that explains things. He has large expenses and I think she should be sharing some of the cost, now that he lives 100% with me.

    Thanks,

    MyKidsDad

    - - - Updated - - -

    My son has many issues needing decision making by parent(s). Some are happening soon. He has a history of being hospitalized for being suicidal 3 years ago. Although he is not suicidal, his depression requires ongoing therapy and meds, and the involvement of parent(s).

    I have emails from her stating that she will not discuss anything about health or college issues with me, the latest a couple of days ago.

    Isn't that enough to show that joint custody cannot work, and that there is a need to decide it now, for his welfare? He has been living 100% with me for over a year.

    Without child support from her to help cover his numerous therapies, I cannot cover the costs. (Yes, they do not take insurance so they are expensive, but he has needs that can only be treated by very specialized therapists who do not take insurance)

    MyKidsDad

    - - - Updated - - -

    He moved in with me 15 months ago, with his mother's consent.

    MyKidsDad

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    Default Re: Asking for Sole Custody Now, Request Child Support Later

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    The actual age of majority in NY is 21. I know that's odd, but its true.
    not exactly, age of majority is 18, however child support can be extended to 21

    Dom. Rel. 2

    Family Court 413(1)a

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