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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1

    Default Giving Up Too Much in a Divorce

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: New York

    Hi...My boyfriend just got divorced this week. He was separated for a year and his wife initiated the separation. Their marital home was sold and they went their own separate ways a year ago. There are two small children involved that reside with the wife. They were married 7 years.

    My boyfriend elected not to hire an attorney and did all paperwork himself. It was a pain but his divorce was granted. The big problem is at least for me. He divided all his marital assets himself and never went through the court. For some reason he allows his wife or now ex wife to take advantage of him. He gave her all the money but $8,00o from the sale of the marital home plus he is only legally required to give his ex wife about $1100 a month for both small children. The wife bought a new home with money he gave her from the sale of the home. She told him she needed a nice place for the kids. He falls for all her nonsense. The house was for her not the kids.

    He pays her about $500 more a month so he pays 1600 a month. The reason he says is because his ex wife can only work part time because she wants to be home with the kids. Basically she pays her mortgage with the money he gives her and not one penny goes toward support. She is always asking him for additional monies for clothes and birthday parties etc. I get furious and fight with him over this.

    He did cut the money back a bit but only by 300. I feel the ex wife is getting too much of his money and uses it for herself. First, do you feel he is a fool giving her extra money? Second, If the wife is not using the "Child support money" toward the kids but spending it to pay her mortgage can she get in trouble thru the courts?

    Normally women have to fight to get money from their ex spouse, He makes her life super easy and she has to fight for nothing. Did anyone ever hear of such a thing? He makes good money but that is beside the point. Any help appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Divorce

    Why does this concern you at all?

    His money, his wishes. Not your business.

    I think he's a fool for letting you decide what he should or shouldn't do. How she spends the child support is her business. Not his. And most certainly not yours.

    He seems to be a good guy. I can only hope he gets wise to you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,421

    Default Re: Divorce

    Quote Quoting annaj
    View Post
    my question involves a marriage in the state of: New York

    Hi...My boyfriend just got divorced this week. He was separated for a year and his wife initiated the separation. Their marital home was sold and they went their own separate ways a year ago. There are two small children involved that reside with the wife. They were married 7 years.

    My boyfriend elected not to hire an attorney and did all paperwork himself. It was a pain but his divorce was granted. The big problem is at least for me. He divided all his marital assets himself and never went through the court. For some reason he allows his wife or now ex wife to take advantage of him. He gave her all the money but $8,00o from the sale of the marital home plus he is only legally required to give his ex wife about $1100 a month for both small children. The wife bought a new home with money he gave her from the sale of the home. She told him she needed a nice place for the kids. He falls for all her nonsense. The house was for her not the kids.

    He pays her about $500 more a month so he pays 1600 a month. The reason he says is because his ex wife can only work part time because she wants to be home with the kids. Basically she pays her mortgage with the money he gives her and not one penny goes toward support. She is always asking him for additional monies for clothes and birthday parties etc. I get furious and fight with him over this.

    He did cut the money back a bit but only by 300. I feel the ex wife is getting too much of his money and uses it for herself. First, do you feel he is a fool giving her extra money? Second, If the wife is not using the "Child support money" toward the kids but spending it to pay her mortgage can she get in trouble thru the courts?

    Normally women have to fight to get money from their ex spouse, He makes her life super easy and she has to fight for nothing. Did anyone ever hear of such a thing? He makes good money but that is beside the point. Any help appreciated.
    The big problem is for you? BREAK UP WITH HIM THEN. Quite frankly, you have no say. If he cut money back against the court order, he can be found in contempt. Eventually, he could be charged criminally. You need to butt out and get a job to support yourself apart from him. HIS finances do NOT concern you.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Divorce

    Clever little edit though, non?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Divorce

    Child support and spousal support provisions in a divorce judgment have nothing to do with the division of assets.

    If his ex- asks him to make her additional gifts of money, he can say "no".

    Give up the nonsensical argument that he has some sort of right to evaluate or dictate how his ex- applies child support to her expenses. He does not have any such right.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    in alto mare
    Posts
    1,123

    Default Re: Divorce

    Housing is part of a child's needs so why do you begrudge your boyfriend for making sure his kids have a decent roof?

    Those of you who choose to date divorced people with kids should remind yourselves that the kids come first. If you can't handle that then don't date people in that category- so simple!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Divorce

    I get furious and fight with him over this.
    Why hasn't he kicked you to the curb yet?

    He sounds like a stand-up guy, looking out for his kids and ensuring they have everything that they need - a decent home, sufficient money that they are fed and clothed decently, and no stupid arguments about how he's divorced, and so shouldn't have to be a responsible parent any more.

    I like him. When he dumps you, would you send him here? I know some women who would love a guy like that, and would treat him like a real human, not their personal ATM.

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