My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California
For the past year, my 7yr old son has been spending the night with dad. Weekly visits are Tues-Thurs from 4pm-7pm. He does not do homework or any school assignments with our son. Doesn't have dinner during those times either. Father does not assist in school projects or school functions. All drop offs & pick ups are made at parents home. At 7pm I have dinner ready & revisions to his homework. On top of that, his father slaps our son across the face, consistently. Publicly, in front of his mom, in front of his girlfriend & her kids. As a result our sons behavior has been bad. Outraged at school sometimes & he slaps or hits other kids or simply loses temper. I do not hit my son because it hurts me knowing that he is hurt. Our son was referred to a school counselor but that stopped because his father never consented. School counselor also told father to be more mindful & helpful in sons studies as he had him during crucial homework times. Police and SS have been involved but nothing from SS.
Like any other person, our son has to get over it, because his dad has drilled it in him that is the law and he as to do it.
Our son is also interrogated by his father about my personal life, for years. I don't ask his father for help because all he does is laugh at me and tells me to ask my boyfriends. Those were always his foul comments. I never brought anyone around my son that wasn't worth my time. Most recently the questioning was about who my husband is. Wanting to know where he lived and his grandmother asking where were going to live. HIs father bribes our son. He does not sleep in his own when he is with father. A whole year passed and he finally borrowed a mattress just so Social Services can see that he had one. That came from my son telling me he still doesn't sleep in his bed that is by the window. There are bunk beds and the top bunk is storage. So he sleeps on the couch or on the bed with dad and girlfriend. When it comes to hygiene, my son has mentioned that all 3 boys (girlfriends 11 year old and 5 year old plus my son) would share the same bath sponge to bathe. As a result my son would use his hands to bathe himself. The toilet was also brown, he says and pee stains on the seat. He would align the toilet seat with toilet paper so that he can sit if needed. His toothbrush always has "black stuff" on it which he later finds out that one of the boys dipped it down the sink drain. My son refused to use that toothbrush and yes he had a fit and his father slapped him then shortly after he rinsed it with hydrogen peroxide and made him use the brush. I since, then started packing our son, his own sponge, toothpaste and toothbrush. Our son gets picked up on certain Fridays. when he returns on Sundays, he is wearing the same dirty clothes from Friday (socks, underwear, shirt & shorts). Which I also pack a change of clothes for Friday and a change of clothes for Sunday. Brings it back.
I believe his father looks for problems with me given I do not give him any attention nor do I bother him for a single thing. It is ridiculous to have to look for a man to help with needs for his child. I provide health benefits for our son and on numerous occasions our son has needed medical attention and his father refused to take him. He has a DUI/suspended license. Our son no longer participates in sports either. He is a boy scout but father does not take him on days when he has him. His father has chased me and followed me to see who was in my car. father quit his job to evade the amount of child support he would from November 2012. He disputed order and in August 2013 he dropped it $396 then last year he was able to get it dropped to $247 which he is not consistent with work therefore the income isn't consistent. Nothing I rely on anyway. I have become very protective of our son and like any adult we have to move on but our son is also being bribed.
I need guidance in changing this order. It's been too long for this order and our son's grades have slipped from 100% weekly to almost 70%. His father has not been seeing him during the week as often due to his new job and in that month he brought back 92% on his weekly assessment. He has tested at 100% on his reading level. It's amazing how much influence one person has. There are lots of studies about kids who are punished by slaps and spanking and how that affects them. I love my son very much and unfortunately I had to deal with his father's verbal and physical abuse too. Only I can leave it and I did but now our son has to deal with it. He is a convicted felon, gang member. I expressed concern years back about these issues and his drinking, yet it didn't mean anything. But then he gets a DUI. I expressed concerns about our sons safety (riding quad without helmet in the streets) and now he rides his bike and scooter in busy street without helmet.
I need help.