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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    And if you piss off the judge by continuing to pursue this, you very well may find it being 45/55. Or even 40/60.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
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    4,494

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    So you do admit this is about you, not the child.....

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting burka
    View Post
    You have picked up on the fact that there is more to it, yes. My ex knows how important the name thing is to me from being married to me. I did not take his name at first. (I did hyphenate eventually) Whatever you believe about feminism or family, or whatever, I was personally raised to specifically value my family name. I was raised in a family where genealogy was emphasized. Therefore, this is very personal. My ex knew this fact about me very well. So this is a case of spitefulness. And I know based on how this thread has gone, that you may not believe it was him being spiteful. However, if you knew my background beforehand, like he did, you could see how I would see this as a personal affront. Specifically due to the fact that I directly told him it was important to me to pass my name on. He knows how this particular issue affects me.
    That has nothing to do with you blowing off a court order and no, it won't save you.


    Also, this child is not a girl. I am even more of an advocate now of talking about name changes. I think that couples should agree on a name when getting married instead of just assuming the female will take the male's name. I don't think it's bad if a female takes a male's name, I just think it should be discussed between the couple and not automatically assumed. I feel the same way about naming a child.
    You really don't see how they're apples and oranges? Seriously, you can't see the MASSIVE difference?

    As someone who already felt strongly about the issue of patriarchal naming before I was married, I just find it so ironic that I am being forced to accept a patriarchal ruling for my one and only child.
    And yet again, this does not give you permission to ignore that court order.

    Or, perhaps, adopt as a single parent. Then you can change the child's name to Flompaluga Hepplethwaite if you so chooe.
    Another thing I wanted to add since someone mentioned about me potentially becoming the "NCP" is that I'm not really the "custodial parent" to begin with. I'm not the "non-custodial parent" either though. We have joint custody. It's fairly close to 50/50--it's like 55/45--I have slightly more time, but he gets all the tax benefits, and obviously the name.
    What you mean is that you have a 50/50 timeshare .... now.

    Keep pulling this trick with Dad, and you just might end up with a change of custody with Dad being primary and you enjoying standard NCP visitation.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Think of all the money you both wasted in a pissing match that could have actually been used for the care of your child.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,344

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Hyphenated names are nonsensical because they are unsustainable. Imagine that John Wilson-Smith marries Mary Johnson-Brown. Will they name their children Johnson-Brown-Wilson-Smith? And then the next generation after that will be what? Yes, hyphenated names reflect personal arrogance and they are never about the child. They are always about the parent.

  6. #26

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting Bubba Jimmy
    View Post
    Hyphenated names are nonsensical because they are unsustainable. Imagine that John Wilson-Smith marries Mary Johnson-Brown. Will they name their children Johnson-Brown-Wilson-Smith? And then the next generation after that will be what? Yes, hyphenated names reflect personal arrogance and they are never about the child. They are always about the parent.
    Yes, to the extent that all naming is about the parent. It's just that we're talking about it now because no one questioned it before. No one questions it when a male wants to "pass his name on." But when a female faces an uphill, impossible battle just trying to do the exact same thing, she's suddenly selfish, petty, and not thinking of the child. Let me tell you something about who is thinking of the child in this situation:

    Here's something for all of you to think about before I go: If the name hadn't been changed, the child would not have to find out about any of this. And now he does. And now, I have to explain to him why his father did what he did. That's going to look bad on him. My child loves both his families. He's not going to understand why his dad did what he did.

    I was the only one in this entire case looking out for the best interest of all parties involved. I could have named him just my maiden name in the hospital. I didn't. Because I have had the *consistent* position that this child is a part of two families and he should be equally identified with both of them. Neither parent should be denied that equal identification with the child, especially since both parents feel strongly they want to be in the name.

    I still have no idea what I'm going to do in court. I agonize over this every day. It's so cruel and unnecessary what's happened.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
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    98,846

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    The child is two. If the child finds out about your litigation with his father, it will be because somebody had the extremely poor judgment to try to put him in the middle of the dispute between parents. Don't be that person.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    A two year old is not even going to notice the dropping of a part of his name, unless someone makes a point of it to him.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,344

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    More nonsense.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting burka
    View Post
    Yes, to the extent that all naming is about the parent. It's just that we're talking about it now because no one questioned it before. No one questions it when a male wants to "pass his name on."
    Melodrama.

    But when a female faces an uphill, impossible battle just trying to do the exact same thing, she's suddenly selfish, petty, and not thinking of the child.
    More melodrama.

    Let me tell you something about who is thinking of the child in this situation:

    Here's something for all of you to think about before I go: If the name hadn't been changed, the child would not have to find out about any of this. And now he does. And now, I have to explain to him why his father did what he did. That's going to look bad on him. My child loves both his families. He's not going to understand why his dad did what he did.
    If you're vindictive and petty enough to use this as a weapon against Dad, you shouldn't have custody of anything more complex than a carrot. Really - it's disgusting, selfish and a perfect example of how NOT to be a decent parent.


    I was the only one in this entire case looking out for the best interest of all parties involved. I could have named him just my maiden name in the hospital. I didn't. Because I have had the *consistent* position that this child is a part of two families and he should be equally identified with both of them. Neither parent should be denied that equal identification with the child, especially since both parents feel strongly they want to be in the name.
    You've been trying to stick it to Dad for years. Perhaps the court saw right through you.


    I still have no idea what I'm going to do in court. I agonize over this every day. It's so cruel and unnecessary what's happened.
    You throw yourself at the mercy of the court, then you apologize PROFUSELY to Dad.

    Cruel and unnecessary? I agree - it's cruel and unnecessary to treat your child as a commodity. You should rethink your angle.

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