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  1. #11
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    I don't see any way in which the 5th amendment would be applicable here.

    There was one very well publicized case where someone got 25 months -yes, that was months - for contempt of court.
    To be perfectly honest, I see this situation changing drastically if Mom doesn't check herself and change her entire attitude. It is a rare judge who won't raise an eyebrow and give The Almighty Stink-Eye to one who doesn't respect his orders.

  2. #12
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    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Wouldn't surprise me, either.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
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    16,307

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    You don't know anything about me.
    We don't need to know anything about YOU do give you a factually correct answer.

    I'm in graduate school. I'm a teacher. I do both.
    Big deal. You and countless others.

    And I raise my son. That's what this is about. Him. Not me.
    If it was ACTUALLY about him, you'd just wait until he was of an age to change his name himself, and support him in the process of doing so IF HE WANTED TO. This is not about your son at all, it's about your wounded ego.

    Please stop dismissing me and answer my questions.
    We did. You just don't like the answers. The answer, once again, is "The court said No. You lost. Comply with the court order, or ignore at your own peril."

    Can I plead the 5th?
    In what wonderland do you exist, that you believe the 5th Amendment has any application here?

    Can I request jail time over paying attorney fees?
    You'd rather go to jail? Been soaking in a bucket of Idiot, have you? No, you can't request jail time. And if it's all about your son, why would you do that anyway?

    I doubt I'd get more than a couple nights over contempt of court anyways. I could do that on the weekend, when I don't have the child.
    Oh, no. You've actually been soaking in a tub of Self Righteous Ignoramus. Poor thing. No, the way a finding of contempt works is that upon being found in contempt, you are immediately remanded into custody, and you cool your heels in the hoozegow til you pull your head out of your ass and choose to comply with the court's orders. You don't get "just a few days", and you don't get to choose when you serve your time.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    4,494

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    You don't know anything about me
    You're right. I only know what you say, but you did say this:
    Quote Quoting burka
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    And if I'm representing myself pro-se, can I request my consequence be jail time so they don't take money from me? I literally have no money. I don't even have money to pay my bills this month.
    Now on to your other questions:
    Can I plead the 5th?
    Yes. You have the constitutional right to plead the 5th
    Can I request jail time over paying attorney fees?
    No, because the attorney's fees are owed to the attorney, it's not a fine being paid to the court.

    And I'm very proud of you for being a teacher and being in graduate school, but you should think about how a criminal conviction is going to haunt you for years to come. They generally don't like criminals in education and this WILL come up. Then you'll have to explain why it is that you purposely defied a court order and how that will reflect on you as an educator. When your superiors decide to institute policy you don't like, will you then defy them? They're lower than the court and you're willing to defy a judge when they've handed down an order.

    Just a thought.

    Then think about your defiance and the judge's ability to consider that your choice to have no respect for the court. The penalty for that is a change in custody. You're prepared to be the noncustodial parent over this, aren't you?

  5. #15
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    You guys are killing me

  6. #16

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    I really am listening to what you're saying and I'm trying to figure out what to do. It would kill me to let this go. He knew how important my family name was to me and that's why he went after that aspect of it. I was trying to do the right thing by incorporating both our names and it escapes me how no one involved sees this. It escapes me why I wasn't given equal consideration in this case. But you've given me a lot to think about, so I'll consider it.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
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    in alto mare
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    1,123

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting burka
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    I really am listening to what you're saying and I'm trying to figure out what to do. It would kill me to let this go. He knew how important my family name was to me and that's why he went after that aspect of it. I was trying to do the right thing by incorporating both our names and it escapes me how no one involved sees this. It escapes me why I wasn't given equal consideration in this case. But you've given me a lot to think about, so I'll consider it.
    It's clear that this is a battle of egos between you and your ex. Leave your kid out of it. Let him decide when he's older. If you are an educator, don't you believe in letting children have some agency?

    And risking jail time is just foolish. He could end up the custodial parent. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

  8. #18
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting burka
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    I really am listening to what you're saying and I'm trying to figure out what to do. It would kill me to let this go. He knew how important my family name was to me and that's why he went after that aspect of it. I was trying to do the right thing by incorporating both our names and it escapes me how no one involved sees this. It escapes me why I wasn't given equal consideration in this case. But you've given me a lot to think about, so I'll consider it.
    The only thing you need to do is make damn sure your son knows AND USES his REAL name.

    Follow the order, for Pete's sake.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
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    4,494

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    Quote Quoting burka
    View Post
    I really am listening to what you're saying and I'm trying to figure out what to do. It would kill me to let this go. He knew how important my family name was to me and that's why he went after that aspect of it. I was trying to do the right thing by incorporating both our names and it escapes me how no one involved sees this. It escapes me why I wasn't given equal consideration in this case. But you've given me a lot to think about, so I'll consider it.
    I have no idea if you have a girl or a boy (and I'm not going through this mess to look), but this family name thing kills me, especially with girls. One day, your daughter is going to grow up and (hopefully) get married. She'll probably take her husband's name, which means eventually she won't have your name anymore. Their children will have their father's name, so it's gone.

    Your child isn't their name, they are the PERSON. Regardless of what their name is, they are ALWAYS a part of whatever family. When they go to family reunions, they're going to meet all kinds of people who are related to them and have different last names. BLOOD makes the family, not their name. The judge let both of you speak your peace and read your documents. They DID give you equal consideration based on your pleadings. The judge decided to give your child their father's name based on what he saw. For you, equal consideration means giving you what you want, and that's not the way it is in real life.

    Whether you want to admit it or not, this IS about your ego. A judge has decided and you'd rather go to jail and ruin your future instead of leaving it be. That makes it all about you because your child isn't going to care WHAT their name is. I've got 2 kids and neither has ever asked me where their last name came from. One of those children is an adult already. Still doesn't care.

  10. #20

    Default Re: Changing a Child's Name Back to the Birth Name

    You have picked up on the fact that there is more to it, yes. My ex knows how important the name thing is to me from being married to me. I did not take his name at first. (I did hyphenate eventually) Whatever you believe about feminism or family, or whatever, I was personally raised to specifically value my family name. I was raised in a family where genealogy was emphasized. Therefore, this is very personal. My ex knew this fact about me very well. So this is a case of spitefulness. And I know based on how this thread has gone, that you may not believe it was him being spiteful. However, if you knew my background beforehand, like he did, you could see how I would see this as a personal affront. Specifically due to the fact that I directly told him it was important to me to pass my name on. He knows how this particular issue affects me.

    Also, this child is not a girl. I am even more of an advocate now of talking about name changes. I think that couples should agree on a name when getting married instead of just assuming the female will take the male's name. I don't think it's bad if a female takes a male's name, I just think it should be discussed between the couple and not automatically assumed. I feel the same way about naming a child.

    As someone who already felt strongly about the issue of patriarchal naming before I was married, I just find it so ironic that I am being forced to accept a patriarchal ruling for my one and only child.

    Another thing I wanted to add since someone mentioned about me potentially becoming the "NCP" is that I'm not really the "custodial parent" to begin with. I'm not the "non-custodial parent" either though. We have joint custody. It's fairly close to 50/50--it's like 55/45--I have slightly more time, but he gets all the tax benefits, and obviously the name.

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