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  1. #1

    Question Can a Parent Have a Child Spend Parenting Time With Somebody Else

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    My child's father lives in another state so when he arranges for our child to see him I would think he would savor the time since it's not that often. Instead he sends my child over to his ex's house with the kids they have together. My child was with the ex's family 6 out of the 7 days. And according to my child he came over for an hour or so each day.

    I don't like his ex for many reasons but mainly because I don't believe she treats my child with equal respect as her own kids and she left my child and her own kids with a 12 year old boy from her family who I've never met. Plus she causes a lot of friction between me and my child's father for co-parenting and I don't want my kid going to his ex's house that much if its not necessary.

    Is he supposed to send our child to his ex's house during his parenting time? I could understand maybe 1-2 days to spend time with her step siblings but everyday during his parenting time?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    He can do whatever he wants during his parenting time.

    Hon, you have several threads here and most are coming across as you trying to control just about every aspect of Dad's parenting. I understand your concerns - to a degree at least - but you're eventually going to have to come to terms with the fact that he can basically do what he wants.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    I am just trying to get a better understanding of the law. And my previous post are me writing from the top of my head and should not be compiled and analyzed as me being controlling. You're not on his payroll are you? lol just kidding! I am quite laid back but I just like to know whats going on with my young child and want to know my child is in good care with people who will not harm physically or emotionally.

    And he can't literally do what he wants during his parenting time. You're telling me he has no limits or restrictions on what he can and cannot do? So in theory then, he could send our kid off to a camp (or any other 3rd party) each time and never spend time being physically / emotionally present as a parent?

    What's the point of having parenting time if he's not going to use it? He had 168 hours and spent maybe 6 - he only used 3% of his allotted time.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    Quote Quoting elemmom
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    I am just trying to get a better understanding of the law. And my previous post are me writing from the top of my head and should not be compiled and analyzed as me being controlling. You're not on his payroll are you? lol just kidding! I am quite laid back but I just like to know whats going on with my young child and want to know my child is in good care with people who will not harm physically or emotionally.

    And he can't literally do what he wants during his parenting time. You're telling me he has no limits or restrictions on what he can and cannot do? So in theory then, he could send our kid off to a camp each time and never spend time being physically / emotionally present a parent?

    What's the point of having parenting time if he's not going to use it? He had 168 hours and spent maybe 6 - he only used 3% of his allotted time.
    Aw now wait a second... he has 168 hours (a week)... let's deduct the time he actually sleeps. 7 hours x 7 = we just knocked his hours down to 119. Let's be fair about it.

    I completely understand where you're coming from. If he's allotted X hours, if he only spends 10% of those hours with the kids then what's the point?

    Well, he lives in a different state and his visitation is very limited. Yes, he can send the kids off to camp for the week. He can send them up to Grandma's, or Great Uncle Tony. Or a mix of three.

    Now there are other posters who will disagree and advise you to go back to court to reduce his time. I happen to think that's unreasonable in this instance and we've touched on this before, haven't we?

    http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/show...322&highlight=

    http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/show...028&highlight=

    I'm going to modify my response. I don't think you actually want to reduce Dad's time. I think you're still new at this, and I genuinely believe that you're doing nothing but asking questions that come up if/when Dad does something unexpected.

    So let's work with this. When Dad's having his parenting time, he's within his rights to use that time however he wants to a great degree. Now leaving them with his ex? Probably not the smartest thing to do, but not something you can fight. Don't let her irritate you. If you do, you might find Dad deliberately pressing your buttons.

    Exes are very often very good at that.

    See where I'm going here?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    It's not up to you to decide whether his parenting time is being wasted or not. The child is spending time with his siblings and that's important too. Funny enough, when you're writing from the top of your head instead of thinking about it and trying to edit it so that you sound like an angel, we find out what your TRUE motivations are. It's kind of like a drunk who tells the truth every time they're inebriated. Alcohol becomes their truth serum. You rambling off at the mouth gave us the truth.

    Unless the court order spells out EXACTLY what he's supposed to do (and it doesn't), then he can do whatever he wants with HIS child, including putting him on a plane and sending them to some wilderness camp for a week. Does the court order say what YOU can do with the child? Would you then like for him to start to dictate and give opinions on what you're doing with the child and what you're not doing in his opinion? No, you wouldn't and you'd be angry if he did. So lay off the man. He's doing nothing illegal, immoral or fattening. He's not even putting the child in danger.

    No one cares if you like his ex. That has nothing to do with the child. She doesn't have to treat all the children the same. Her children are hers who she carried and have bonded with since they were in her uterus. OF COURSE she treats them differently, but treating them differently doesn't equate to abuse. I treat my kids differently. They both know they are very much loved.

    Stop with all the drama.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    Quote Quoting elemmom
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN
    Is he supposed to send our child to his ex's house during his parenting time? I could understand maybe 1-2 days to spend time with her step siblings but everyday during his parenting time?
    Unless the court order restricts Dad from sending his child to spend time with his ex and her kids then he is permitted to do that. Just as you get to decide with whom the child spends time when the child is with you, Dad also gets to decide with whom the child spends time when the child is with him, absent a court order to the contrary. Would it be better if your child got to spend more time with Dad? Probably. But you don’t get to control how Dad does things when your child is with him any more than he gets to control how you do things when the child is with you.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    (as a side note, I think it's remarkable that a particular someone thinks I torture children because of how I answer family law questions...)


  8. #8

    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    Thanks for being fair (I forgot about the hours for sleep and what not) but yeah now that I read my own posts, I see he has a pattern.

    I guess I have come to the realization that when my kid goes for 'parenting time' will get sent off to another, possibly unknown, 3rd party for approximately 90% of the time but I was thinking that there has to be a legal limit of how much time a child spends in 3rd party care during parenting time? But it sounds like there isn't.

    So if he asks for extended parenting time in the summer should I agree?

    And yeah he presses my buttons all the time regardless...But I do see what you're saying though I'd rather have peace if I have to bite my own tongue sometimes.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting CourtClerk
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    It's not up to you to decide whether his parenting time is being wasted or not. The child is spending time with his siblings and that's important too. Funny enough, when you're writing from the top of your head instead of thinking about it and trying to edit it so that you sound like an angel, we find out what your TRUE motivations are. It's kind of like a drunk who tells the truth every time they're inebriated. Alcohol becomes their truth serum. You rambling off at the mouth gave us the truth.

    Unless the court order spells out EXACTLY what he's supposed to do (and it doesn't), then he can do whatever he wants with HIS child, including putting him on a plane and sending them to some wilderness camp for a week. Does the court order say what YOU can do with the child? Would you then like for him to start to dictate and give opinions on what you're doing with the child and what you're not doing in his opinion? No, you wouldn't and you'd be angry if he did. So lay off the man. He's doing nothing illegal, immoral or fattening. He's not even putting the child in danger.

    No one cares if you like his ex. That has nothing to do with the child. She doesn't have to treat all the children the same. Her children are hers who she carried and have bonded with since they were in her uterus. OF COURSE she treats them differently, but treating them differently doesn't equate to abuse. I treat my kids differently. They both know they are very much loved.

    Stop with all the drama.
    Uh yeah neglect is danger and abuse. And his ex leaving my kid with a sexually active boy with no adult supervision is neglectful. How would you feel if you sent your child out of state to for parenting, they end up with your ex's ex family and they got sexually abused? Thank goodness this didn't happen but it could have with no adult supervision kids will do anything. I don't like her because she causes friction in my co-parenting and THAT affects our child. Not to mention her preferential treatment for her own kids is emotionally abusing my kid. But I guess emotional abuse doesn't count in court?

    And yes he does try and dictate what I do with my parenting time - he just doesn't post here. And I don't mind his feedback I take some of it to heart and the rest goes in one ear out the other.

    Courts are only there to protect kids after evidence of something bad but when it comes to my kid I would rather be proactive than reactive.

    There is no drama except for your post.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    (as a side note, I think it's remarkable that a particular someone thinks I torture children because of how I answer family law questions...)


    Yeah you guys are a rough group....One has to have thick skin to post in this forum!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    The thing is, he could be at risk anywhere - even if he's home with you. He's gone down the street to see his best friend? At risk, right there.

    Hon, listen to me a bit. I get your frustration. Truly. But you've got a long time of co-parenting to do and if this is driving you nuts then you're going to be a complete wreck by the time kiddo reaches 18.

    Like it or not, there comes a point when you have to realize that nobody can protect their child forever, and living with that fear won't help you and it really won't help you son.

    I don't remember this being mentioned, but have you taken any parenting classes? Do you want to join an online group that's centered on being decent coparents versus dissing the other parent (oh there are groups like that - and they are NOT healthy)?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Quoting elemmom
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    Thanks for being fair (I forgot about the hours for sleep and what not) but yeah now that I read my own posts, I see he has a pattern.

    I guess I have come to the realization that when my kid goes for 'parenting time' will get sent off to another, possibly unknown, 3rd party for approximately 90% of the time but I was thinking that there has to be a legal limit of how much time a child spends in 3rd party care during parenting time? But it sounds like there isn't.

    So if he asks for extended parenting time in the summer should I agree?

    And yeah he presses my buttons all the time regardless...But I do see what you're saying though I'd rather have peace if I have to bite my own tongue sometimes.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Uh yeah neglect is danger and abuse. And his ex leaving my kid with a sexually active boy with no adult supervision is neglectful. How would you feel if you sent your child out of state to for parenting, they end up with your ex's ex family and they got sexually abused? Thank goodness this didn't happen but it could have with no adult supervision kids will do anything. I don't like her because she causes friction in my co-parenting and THAT affects our child.

    And yes he does try and dictate what I do with my parenting time - he just doesn't post here. And I don't mind his feedback I take some of it to heart and the rest goes in one ear out the other.

    He might not have done anything illegal to our kid yet but he has done some unethical things. Courts are only there to protect kids after evidence of something bad but when it comes to my kid I would rather be proactive than reactive.

    There is no drama except for your post.

    - - - Updated - - -




    Yeah you guys are a rough group....One has to have thick skin to post in this forum!
    It was said by someone who doesn't even post in these sections. But.... well... he's a bit dense anyway

  10. #10

    Default Re: Wasting Parenting Time

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    The thing is, he could be at risk anywhere - even if he's home with you. He's gone down the street to see his best friend? At risk, right there.

    Hon, listen to me a bit. I get your frustration. Truly. But you've got a long time of co-parenting to do and if this is driving you nuts then you're going to be a complete wreck by the time kiddo reaches 18.

    Like it or not, there comes a point when you have to realize that nobody can protect their child forever, and living with that fear won't help you and it really won't help you son.

    I don't remember this being mentioned, but have you taken any parenting classes? Do you want to join an online group that's centered on being decent coparents versus dissing the other parent (oh there are groups like that - and they are NOT healthy)?

    - - - Updated - - -



    It was said by someone who doesn't even post in these sections. But.... well... he's a bit dense anyway
    Lol we are actually A LOT better than before. But yeah if I can learn whatever to make the co-parent process go smoothly I will.

    I didn't think I was being overly fearful. I know the power of self-fulfilling prophecy and I stop myself from worrying about the kiddo unless its seems justified to me. But maybe since you mention it I am or maybe you don't have all the context. I just want to decrease the chance or opportunity someone has to negatively affect our child's well being. I work with youth sex offenders and vast majority of them offended against younger victims and there was no adult supervision. Again not saying this kid was a sex offender I don't know Im just saying - why give kids opportunity to act out by failing to supervise them?

    But I suppose you all have answered the original question I had which was is there a legal limit to how much time non-custodial parent can send kid with 3rd parties during their parenting time and apparently there is not. Which doesn't make sense.

    The 18th bday can come soon enough!

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