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  1. #1

    Default Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia
    A few months ago I took my son to Arizona to visit family. On a previous trip I had provided the trip itinerary to my ex and she showed up at the airport when we returned to Virginia. So, for the Arizona trip I let my ex know about two weeks before and then emailed her the flight info from the gate hoping to prevent any additional suprises. I may not have told her that I'm staying with my brother, but that should have been obvious since I said I was visiting my brother. She called the police for a welfare check to confirm where we were staying. (I don't relish the thought of always having to look over my shoulder for the police or my ex whenever I take my son on a trip.) Our mediation agreement says that each party has the right to live "separate and apart". Does my ex's joint legal custody give her the right to find out every location I take my son? I ask because I filed a complaint against my ex and her attorney responded that joint legal custody trumps the "separate and apart" clause. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Extent of Joint Legal Custody

    Quote Quoting just.a.programmer
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia
    A few months ago I took my son to Arizona to visit family. On a previous trip I had provided the trip itinerary to my ex and she showed up at the airport when we returned to Virginia. So, for the Arizona trip I let my ex know about two weeks before and then emailed her the flight info from the gate hoping to prevent any additional suprises. I may not have told her that I'm staying with my brother, but that should have been obvious since I said I was visiting my brother. She called the police for a welfare check to confirm where we were staying. (I don't relish the thought of always having to look over my shoulder for the police or my ex whenever I take my son on a trip.) Our mediation agreement says that each party has the right to live "separate and apart". Does my ex's joint legal custody give her the right to find out every location I take my son? I ask because I filed a complaint against my ex and her attorney responded that joint legal custody trumps the "separate and apart" clause. Thanks in advance.
    She has the right to the itinerary and to know where you are staying if you travel with the child. That is basically standard everywhere. You should have told her that you were staying with your brother. Also, don't you think its a little over the top for you to freak out about her showing up at the airport to welcome the child home?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Your custody order can be presumed to require that you inform your ex- of your address. Contrary to the above, it probably does not further require that you inform your ex- of hotels and other transitory locations where you stay during a vacation, save as necessary to facilitate the contact / visitation provisions of the order during the vacation. But the only way to know what your divorce judgment requires you to do is to look at its actual language -- and that's not something we can do for you, as we have no access to the judgment. if you are not clear on what your judgment requires, you should discuss it with the attorney who represented you during the divorce proceedings.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
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    Your custody order can be presumed to require that you inform your ex- of your address. Contrary to the above, it probably does not further require that you inform your ex- of hotels and other transitory locations where you stay during a vacation, save as necessary to facilitate the contact / visitation provisions of the order during the vacation. But the only way to know what your divorce judgment requires you to do is to look at its actual language -- and that's not something we can do for you, as we have no access to the judgment. if you are not clear on what your judgment requires, you should discuss it with the attorney who represented you during the divorce proceedings.
    Sorry Mr KIA...but that is standard verbiage in most state/local custody guidelines. Now, I will admit that in this day of everyone having cell phones that work anywhere in the country its taken less seriously than even 15 years ago, but its still pretty standard verbiage. I am kind of suspecting that OP is the sort who opts not to answer his phone during his time, because otherwise all mom would have to do is call or text and ask him if he is at his brother's, which would solve the problem.

    Its that whole "separate and apart" bit that leads me to believe that he doesn't feel that he has to communicate with mom during his parenting time.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Please identify some of the official "state/local custody guidelines" that require such language. Thanks.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    I've taken three random states (WA, NJ & CA) and none of those require the parent to provide an itinerary during their parenting time. Is it requested? Oh quite often. But what I'm seeing is actually 180 degrees in the other direction - when the matter is addressed by statute, it's still not a requirement. The use of "should" and "may" attach themselves to the issue.

    I'd simply argue that "Well, we're going to start in WA, hike a couple of days into the mountains, and probably hit Oregon too" is more than adequate.

    L, in your own state the only duty is to provide a number where the child can be reached.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Dad needs to realize that it is not him that Mom cares about, it is where the child is. It seems like Dad has control issues that he needs to get help with.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    I'm (clearly) not reading it the same way.

    The court trusts the parent.

    The other parent needs to follow the court's lead.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Quote Quoting Mercy&Grace
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    Dad needs to realize that it is not him that Mom cares about, it is where the child is. It seems like Dad has control issues that he needs to get help with.
    so why not include a daily meal menu and poop schedule. Sorry but when the child is in the care of the father, the father is allowed autonomy and privacy in regards to what he does with the child and where they go barring any limitation imposed by the court. I see mom as having the control issues, not dad.

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    Default Re: Is the Custodial Parent Entitled to a Detailed Vacation Itinerary

    Quote Quoting jk
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    so why not include a daily meal menu and poop schedule. Sorry but when the child is in the care of the father, the father is allowed autonomy and privacy in regards to what he does with the child and where they go barring any limitation imposed by the court. I see mom as having the control issues, not dad.
    That was my read on it, too.

    I wonder though if Mom would be equally eager to share those details every time she takes the child out of town during her parenting time. Perhaps more to the point, why does Dad have to communicate with Mom during his parenting time?

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