She's not going to be able to dictate forever.
What exactly do the temp orders specify as far as parenting time? It appears that as of right now he gets (or should get) the standard NCP visitation.
She's not going to be able to dictate forever.
What exactly do the temp orders specify as far as parenting time? It appears that as of right now he gets (or should get) the standard NCP visitation.
They are the standard generic NCP visitation - he gets every other weekend plus one overnight during the week, alternate holidays, etc. Mind you SS was just a baby when they were written & is 11 now so circumstances have changed a lot. She has since moved 1 1/2 hours away which makes it hard enough to stay involved. She also has remarried and doesn't think he needs his dad. She refuses to include his dad in all the ways she should. No school photos, no report cards (only when he's in trouble because then we have to enforce HER rules when he's with us), no input on extracurricular activities, no schedules, nothing unless she needs to use it to say why he can't come here. My husband does more with his son in the little time that he has than his stepdad ever has. He has been to more of his son's baseball games than either his mom or stepdad has even though we're 1 1/2 hours away & they can walk to the ballpark. We go to his games even when he's not with us, 3 hours in the car to watch him play & then say goodbye after the game. So it's not like we aren't adding something positive to his life. But she is fighting it because she thinks it is confusing for him (her words). She believes it's too confusing for him because he has a stepdad she has him call "dad" and tells him to call his real dad by his first name - which he always calls his dad "dad" thoughWe are not going to go away, we both love him and want him to feel like a part of our family, not just someone who comes to visit from time to time. We are tired of it being an argument every time we want to see him, especially holidays. She makes her plans and then we have to work around them. We are using all the old child-rearing tricks used for preschoolers and teens - giving options, but it's still a battle. We can't even make plans for family vacations because she will change things. We have had to cut our vacations short on more than one occasion, and even had to change plans entirely to fit her schedule. Plus, she has taken him on vacation on weekends he was supposed to be with us and not given us an alternate time (twice last year). She is a stay-at-home parent so she gets PLENTY of time with him. We just want to spend time with him too. We need something more clearly defining things because right now we really have no recourse as everything as written is very vague or doesn't apply any longer.
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His job is in construction and sometimes there are deadlines on a project when he cannot refuse to work on the weekend in order to complete the project. He would have to turn down all projects that require any weekend days, which would basically leave him unemployed. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen a few weekends in a year. She will not let him come visit if my husband is working at all, even if he's able to come home in the evenings or for one of the two day. It's all or nothing. Like in my original post where she wants us to give her copies of vacation approvals from work to prove that we will be home on breaks before she'll let us have him. She won't even let him stay with his grandparents who live behind us.
Dad needs to file for what he wants, spelling out dates and times very clearly, including what happens if he is late to pick up for some reason. Make things as explicit as possible to prevent mom from finding loopholes. Ask for four weeks in the summer.
Dad is not going to avoid court. He needs to quit trying to bargain with mom for things that are completely reasonable and that he would get from a judge anyway. Time to cut the nonsense and just do it.
She is being totally unacceptable in requiring you to prove that one of you will be home during vacations, and completely unreasonable to deny dad his weekends if he has to work.
Those reasons alone should send dad back to court for more specific orders...explaining to the judge that mom does those things. The judge will give her, her comeuppance for that.
OP, that's not what I asked.
I asked exactly how it was worded - because there's a chance that Mom is actually doing nothing wrong here.
The orders of 4/25/06 state: "Joint Legal Custody, Primary Physical Custody with Mother. Visitation for Father - Alternate Weekends from Friday 5 p.m. to Sunday 7 p.m., Weekdays - Wednesdays from 4:30 to 9 p.m. Holiday Schedule - Split day Thanksgiving & Easter, Christmas Eve to Father, Christmas Day to Mother. Father's Day with Father, Mother's Day with Mother, 4th of July & Halloween - alternate years. OTHER: The parties contemplate that the agreement herein as set forth between them is an agreement for the next 12 months only. The parties acknowledge that they will work together to increase the visitation time between Father and the minor child. The parties agree that to change the visitation schedule either party does not need to show a change of circumstance."
They have already deviated from this schedule due to her moving away. He lost Wednesday evenings & obviously nobody can split a Holiday when it'll take 3 hours there & back so they have been alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Also, he is now in school so we don't keep him until 7 p.m. on Sundays and we are lucky if we can keep him until 5 p.m. because "she misses him" and wants to pick him up as early as possible, sometimes even 3 p.m. Like I said, we are not doing this because she is doing anything "wrong" specifically but the orders are outdated and while it says they are to work together to increase visitation time, she will not work together. It's her way or no way when it comes to anything, so we need something more specific. My husband has only ever missed a weekend due to required overtime, and if he even has to work one day on the weekend she will not allow his son to come, even if he were in his grandparents' care. The only option we'd have is to lie to her and say he's not working but we won't do that because we won't put his son in that position. Isn't it reasonable to have some vacation time with him every year now that he's not an infant? His school is on a modified traditional schedule so they get 2 weeks for Fall Break, 2 weeks for Christmas Break, 2 weeks for Spring Break, and 7 weeks for Summer. Her reasoning for not granting time currently over breaks is because we work (she worked FT too up until a year ago), and she will not let him stay with his grandparents during the day (says it's too boring for him, yeah I guess living out in the country with nothing to do but dig dirt, build forts, climb trees, go fishing, and ride bikes is boring to some people). She said that if we prove to her that we will be home that he can come. But even if we could prove it, I don't think it would be good to give in & accept her terms because that's not going to solve the problem long term. She can have him stay with her mom or her husband's family, or her aunt, but we can't do the same?? My husband has joint legal custody, he has a good moral character and deserves to spend as much time with his son as is reasonable. At this point, we are really just trying to find out what is a reasonable request and what is not so that we can write it up well and be prepared in court. Thank you for your feedback.
Here's what I think:
Dad needs to propose a new plan, and he needs to make it as specific as he can without having to account for every minute. Some things to consider:
- Mom wanting to pick up the child early? No - but he does want to make it clear who is doing what in terms of pick-up and drop-off.
- If he feels it necessary (and I would), he can make it crystal clear that the parent can designate any adult third-party to pick-up and drop-off.
- Given Mom's ... "habit"... he needs to be proactive and make sure he's getting regular updates from school, and feedback from the child's pediatrician.
Is it 3 hours each way, or 3 hours total?