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  1. #1

    Default How Can a Grandparent Get Temporary Custody of a Neglected Infant

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of:

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm in Arizona, and need help with requesting custody of my 8 month old great granddaughter. My daughter, 18 at the time of the baby's birth, decided to keep her - even though she really had no idea who the father was. Could have been one of several boys. After being released from the hospital she stayed in several locations with other people, and finally got kicked out of the final residence. She went to live with my daughter who became primary care giver for the baby, as her mother was not at all interested in her own baby. Eventually, the baby's mom got a job, and my daughter provided free child care, total responsibility, including changing, clothing, bathing, feeding, laundry, and well being. After working at a parttime job for a few weeks, the baby's mom decided she wanted to pursue a career at a tattoo shop, under an apprenticeship program, and was gone almost all day, into the night, not providing any care or attention to the baby. She lied constantly to all of us, and on five different occasions, we witnessed abuse of this baby. The last time was just this past Friday. When I confronted her with it, she said the baby was just overtired. The next morning, the same thing occurred and she said it was because the baby didn't like being held down to be dressed. This baby, under proper care and attention, does not cry - ever - like she did then. She does not smile when she sees her mother at all. She smiles at everyone else she knows readily. She will not change her diaper, and if for any amount of time she is responsible for it - she will not do it, and the baby suffers. We have been okay with this because we care for the baby almost all the time, so her contact with the baby has been limited. Honestly, we are afraid for the baby's wellbeing due to neglect and abuse which several have witnessed. Two nights ago, she was caught in a huge lie about working, and when confronted, she became very beligerant, and the next morning, disappeared with the baby, and we found out some old boyfriend of hers was watching the baby all day long - he is NOT THE FATHER. Just a friend - and she said she was going to have another friend, also a young boy, babysit her at other times because we were just not allowing her to do as she pleased. She said she wanted to give the baby up for adoption - and I told her we would continue to care for the baby, but that she could not disappear with her - because she was just not motherly. She then said she would take the baby out of state - so she didn't have to listen to us anymore. She is still gone today, and will not let us know where the baby is. We are worried sick, and this baby is with people none of us know. We are worried mostly by the fact that a young man not related to this child would spend a whole day caring for her. Flags everywhere and we are scared to death. This baby only knows the care and routine we have set for her. The mom did not show up at her real job today, and we located her at the tat shop - but she will not tell us where the baby is. I don't know where to start in finding her and gaining custody for me and my daughter. The baby has not had her shots, and the mom has no intention of getting them for her. We need to start something, but I live in one county, and they live in another although just a few miles away. Can someone tell me what to do? Where do I start? We really do not have available funds to hire an attorney....or we would have by now. My daughter just called after visiting the tat shop again and the baby's mom told her she would not let her have the baby, and the owner of the tat shop told her to leave. So, she did, but is worried sick about this baby's safety. If anyone can help - we would truly appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    Default Re: How to Get Temporary Custody of 8 Month Old Grandchild

    If this baby is being abused, why have the proper authorities not been notified?

  3. #3

    Default Re: How to Get Temporary Custody of 8 Month Old Grandchild

    Because until just two days ago the mother only came into contact with this child for a few minutes a day. When we began complaining that she was running around spending time other places, and none with her child, she rebelled. We had the baby in one or our homes, and when this happened, she made excuses and we just took the baby away from her. She really has no interest in caring for this child. She pays no attention to her, and when she does, she is angry that we have asked her to do something for her. So, it in trying to keep her from running away with this innocent baby, we just provided the care for her. What we were afraid would happen has happened. She is using this to get even with us for not going along with her desired lifestyle and calling her on her lies. If you were in the same position, I am certain you would have done the same thing. They were living in the house with my daughter, and often times at my home. It was a very difficult situation.

  4. #4
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: How Can a Grandparent Get Temporary Custody of a Neglected Infant

    Quote Quoting hopej50
    View Post
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of:

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm in Arizona, and need help with requesting custody of my 8 month old great granddaughter. My daughter, 18 at the time of the baby's birth, decided to keep her - even though she really had no idea who the father was. Could have been one of several boys. After being released from the hospital she stayed in several locations with other people, and finally got kicked out of the final residence. She went to live with my daughter who became primary care giver for the baby, as her mother was not at all interested in her own baby. Eventually, the baby's mom got a job, and my daughter provided free child care, total responsibility, including changing, clothing, bathing, feeding, laundry, and well being.
    After working at a parttime job for a few weeks, the baby's mom decided she wanted to pursue a career at a tattoo shop, under an apprenticeship program, and was gone almost all day, into the night, not providing any care or attention to the baby. She lied constantly to all of us, and on five different occasions, we witnessed abuse of this baby.
    I want you to be very clear here. You have witnessed abuse and done nothing about it?

    The last time was just this past Friday. When I confronted her with it, she said the baby was just overtired. The next morning, the same thing occurred and she said it was because the baby didn't like being held down to be dressed. This baby, under proper care and attention, does not cry - ever - like she did then. She does not smile when she sees her mother at all. She smiles at everyone else she knows readily. She will not change her diaper, and if for any amount of time she is responsible for it - she will not do it, and the baby suffers.
    Let's say Mom was in the military and as soon as she got out she took her child with her to... wherever it is. Would you be making the same comparisons?

    We have been okay with this because we care for the baby almost all the time, so her contact with the baby has been limited. Honestly, we are afraid for the baby's wellbeing due to neglect and abuse which several have witnessed. Two nights ago, she was caught in a huge lie about working, and when confronted, she became very beligerant, and the next morning, disappeared with the baby, and we found out some old boyfriend of hers was watching the baby all day long - he is NOT THE FATHER. Just a friend - and she said she was going to have another friend, also a young boy, babysit her at other times because we were just not allowing her to do as she pleased.
    He's not the father, but neither are you and your daughter.

    She said she wanted to give the baby up for adoption - and I told her we would continue to care for the baby, but that she could not disappear with her - because she was just not motherly. She then said she would take the baby out of state - so she didn't have to listen to us anymore.
    As is her right.... and to be perfectly blunt, you sort of shot yourself in the foot there. You can't dictate what Mom does with her child - you basically gave her an ultimatum and she called your bluff.


    She is still gone today, and will not let us know where the baby is. We are worried sick, and this baby is with people none of us know.
    The baby didn't know you or Mom at first, either - you need to ignore that aspect of it.

    We are worried mostly by the fact that a young man not related to this child would spend a whole day caring for her.
    Using that logic, a stepparent shouldn't have the child, either.

    Flags everywhere and we are scared to death.
    Of what? Where are you seeing flags?

    This baby only knows the care and routine we have set for her.
    She'll get used to another routine. Heck, another long time poster on a different forum didn't get to meet her child until that child was almost 2 years old.

    The mom did not show up at her real job today, and we located her at the tat shop - but she will not tell us where the baby is. I don't know where to start in finding her and gaining custody for me and my daughter.
    She doesn't have to tell you anything.

    The baby has not had her shots, and the mom has no intention of getting them for her. We need to start something, but I live in one county, and they live in another although just a few miles away. Can someone tell me what to do? Where do I start? We really do not have available funds to hire an attorney....or we would have by now.
    Believe it or not, the parents can legally refuse to get the child vaccinated on a number of different grounds. It's up to the parents.

    My daughter just called after visiting the tat shop again and the baby's mom told her she would not let her have the baby, and the owner of the tat shop told her to leave. So, she did, but is worried sick about this baby's safety. If anyone can help - we would truly appreciate it.
    Please get comfy. You're not going to like this, and I know I'm effectively the bad guy, but here's what you need to know:

    Unless the child is actually in danger, there quite literally is nothing you can do. Now, you might think that all of this makes Mom unfit. The thing is... it's not that easy to get custody of a child over the wishes of the parent.

    Your daughter clearly feels threatened and I suspect this is her usual M.O. when she doesn't get own way. Still, that's not illegal either and it looks like she's chosen the path of least resistance - your love of the child.

    Instead of trying to control the situation, how about offering to babysit a few nights a week? Give Mom a bit of a break? Because at this point, Mom is about <this> far from completely disappearing with her child and you'd have absolutely no say whatsoever.

    - - - Updated - - -

    ETA: Let the flames begin... I know, I know, none of this was what you wanted to read.

  5. #5

    Default Re: How Can a Grandparent Get Temporary Custody of a Neglected Infant

    I do understand what all of you are saying. Thank you for your time and caring enough to respond. I will take time to carefully rethink the situation and calmly go forward. I will do what is best for the baby. I do love my granddaughter (baby's mom) very much and we have always been very close, throughout her life. In each conversation I have had with her, I tried to make sure she knew that. I believe she needs to follow this passion for her own well being - I want that for her. It's just that in these few months she has never shown any initiative to be a mother and care for the baby. Again, thank you all - your input has caused me to really look at the whole picture and consider all the facts.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
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    4,494

    Default Re: How Can a Grandparent Get Temporary Custody of a Neglected Infant

    I'm perplexed that you can see the child being "abused" as you stated, but it wasn't that big of a deal because it was only for a few minutes. Children have died in just a few minutes.

    However, everyone is correct. She doesn't have to answer to any of you when it comes to her and her child.

  7. #7
    Join Date
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    3,212

    Default Re: How Can a Grandparent Get Temporary Custody of a Neglected Infant

    What you want for her doesn't matter. It is what she wants for herself and her child. You can't make her life the life you want for her. She must live the life she has chosen. And as difficult as it may be, you have to let her. If you really believed the baby was being abused, I believe you would have called the authorities.

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