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  1. #1
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    Default Can a Biological Father be Ordered to Support a Child Born to a Married Mother

    My question involves paternity law for the State of: Arkansas (us) Missouri (mother of child, or Georgia. I can't keep up)

    In 2011 my husband started seeing a woman who's husband was deployed to Kuwait. (how shady on both of them, I know!)
    Obviously they were intimate. A child was eventually born and the woman who was married at the time and is still married put her husbands name on the birth certificate. The child was born after the husband returned from Kuwait. It is blurry to me whether or not he was present for the childs birth but I know they were together at the time so one would have to assume he was present and actually signed the birth certificate, right? Meanwhile my husband are on and off but that does not matter. We are back together and completely happy now but now the (still) married woman is claiming something about legitimizing her kid and taking her husbands name off of the birth certificate to have my husband pay child support because she "needs help" does her husband not make enough to support them? She is also a nurse.... A nurse who is supposedly in basic training for the army to come out as an officer. Her pay alone as an officer in the army would be more than mine and my husbands combined which we have our own child.

    Anyway, I got off topic. About 6 months ago my husband (ignorant at the time) agreed to and took a "peace of mind" paternity test and it does not take Maury for one to be able to tell that he donated his sperm to that baby. Since that 6 month period we have had the child overnight one time as we thought we were going to be a part of her life but it was not what we thought to be the best for the child. (moral thumpers comment on another thread) She has a father who is not biologically hers but loves her as his own and a mother as well as siblings under her own roof. We did not want to confuse her, our own son, or us with having her here. We felt it was best to go our separate ways as our own family entity as well as they be their own family entity. To protect our union and our son who would start asking why his father cheated on his mother and therefore set a bad example later down the road.

    The mother claims we will have a court order for child support within the next month but how on earth could that even be possible in a 3-6 month period. How could that even be possible if my husband has not taken a court ordered paternity test?

    We are starting to think this woman is off her rocker and we just want her to leave us be so we can all move on from this little mishap. What are her rights to my husbands paycheck, if any while she is married and the father of her child is thought to be her husband by the law?

    any help would be GREATLY appreciated. I just want to be able to sleep at night. Could we get a restraining order on the woman, she will not stop bothering is. Would that even help?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    If the child was born while she was married, her husband is the presumed father. Mom is not being truthful; there will be no child support order until your husband is established as the father and has been served with a suit.

    And while you don't want to hear it, I'm going to say it anyway.

    Your husband didn't cheat on your son, and this situation is not going to disappear. The only confusion that would arise would be because at least two of the adults in this equation make it confusing. Your son frankly has no business even asking about it - this is a situation between you, your husband and the other couple. Don't make him part of this mess. He doesn't deserve that.

    For your own sake, I recommend counseling. I know you're terribly hurt, but there seems to be some denial going on (and that's to be expected). This did not arise from a mishap - this came about because your husband actively chose a different pasture.

    Again, I understand that you're terrifically hurt and feel like you need to protect your family unit...but the reality is that your family unit has a new addition.

    Ultimately though you only asked one question and that's been answered.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    You could have saved all that commentary, 2/3 of your post is unnecessary. Not to mention, you don't get to choose who comments on your post and what they say.

    Her husband didn't have to sign a birth certificate. He goes on the birth certificate automatically because they were legally married at the time of the birth of the child. Now, she can always sue your husband for support and if he is determined to be the father of this child, he can and will be ordered to support said child. The husband has the right to disestablish paternity. He doesn't have to legitimize the child, that's something that is exclusive to GA anyway. She SHOULD sue your husband for support. The child has a right to know where she came from and while you want all the "moral thumpers" to go away, you want to talk about setting a bad example for your son. Setting a MORAL example? Here's something you may not have realized, but the deed is already done. Bad example already set. The fact that she's gainfully employed and make more than you and your husband combined is not her problem, except for the fact that maybe she should have messed with someone a little more on her level.

    You don't have a basis for a restraining order. She's contacting the biological father of her child. You better hope this woman NEVER tells her child the truth and 15 years down the line attempts to track down her father. Your son would REALLY have some questions about why both his parents lied to him. 25 years down the line and then he may really lose respect for the piece of crap that could make a baby and then throw her away because it's more convenient to not face the truth. You can never be a good father unless you're taking care of ALL your children.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    That "little mishap" happens to be a child, and that child still needs to eat and have a roof over his/her head. Your husband doesn't get to skip out on that just because the mother has an income of her own.

    If she begins an action for child support, she will probably get it.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Too much commentary? Skip past it. Don't read it. It is that simple.

    The child has a father. Her legal father has an established relationship to her and does not want to deter from that. The mother is the one claiming to have all of this done. She has a roof over her head provided by her LEGAL father. Double dipping to some extent? I couldn't care less on your opinions as I was asking a LEGAL question. She has literally harassed us since day one back in 2011 before she was even showing and I asked her to leave us alone and she never did. So as far as the restraining order comment is concerned, that is where I got that idea. Before you start showing your behind and making assumptions based on grey areas you have no knowledge about, please think. Perhaps the site should be changed to rudeexpertlaw.com. My husband is an excellent father to our son. As is the other man to the child in question as he is her father. If you want to go there then how do you justify sperm donors? That is all he did is donate sperm to her because they were both acting like children, obviously.

    Clearly I need to just get a real lawyers educated answer. Thanks, Y'all!

    Thank you, Dogmatique for your polite response.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
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    Missouri (mother of child, or Georgia. I can't keep up)
    The state is important, as laws vary by state. The requirements for overcoming the presumption of paternity, as well as any grounds the court might have to deny a petition based upon a best interest analysis, will vary by state.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    Since that 6 month period we have had the child overnight one time as we thought we were going to be a part of her life but it was not what we thought to be the best for the child.
    To be clear, you and your husband decided to start visitation with his child, but then you changed your minds and decided to reject her? That's not a moral judgment -- it's a request for clarification.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    To protect our union and our son who would start asking why his father cheated on his mother and therefore set a bad example later down the road.
    There's also the option of modeling robust honesty.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    The mother claims we will have a court order for child support within the next month but how on earth could that even be possible in a 3-6 month period.
    If she has filed a case and gets it served, it would be conceivable for there to be a hearing of some sort within a month of the return of service.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    What are her rights to my husbands paycheck
    When you have a child, you get the duty to support your child. Whether or not that happens in this particular case is going to turn on the laws of the state in which litigation occurs, the facts alleged and proved in court, and the findings of the court.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    Could we get a restraining order on the woman, she will not stop bothering is. Would that even help?
    You've not written to explain how she's bothering you. Generally speaking, if you don't want to communicate with somebody, you can block texts and emails and decline to take their phone calls.
    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    View Post
    Clearly I need to just get a real lawyers educated answer. Thanks, Y'all!
    What y'all need is a dose of maturity.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Quote Quoting rogersmarla
    View Post
    Too much commentary? Skip past it. Don't read it. It is that simple.

    The child has a father. Her legal father has an established relationship to her and does not want to deter from that. The mother is the one claiming to have all of this done. She has a roof over her head provided by her LEGAL father. Double dipping to some extent? I couldn't care less on your opinions as I was asking a LEGAL question. She has literally harassed us since day one back in 2011 before she was even showing and I asked her to leave us alone and she never did. So as far as the restraining order comment is concerned, that is where I got that idea. Before you start showing your behind and making assumptions based on grey areas you have no knowledge about, please think. Perhaps the site should be changed to rudeexpertlaw.com. My husband is an excellent father to our son. As is the other man to the child in question as he is her father. If you want to go there then how do you justify sperm donors? That is all he did is donate sperm to her because they were both acting like children, obviously.

    Clearly I need to just get a real lawyers educated answer. Thanks, Y'all!

    Thank you, Dogmatique for your polite response.
    Here's the fun thing about sperm donors.

    They donate sperm and - unless they're minus the odd brain cell or three - do it properly and are legally protected from paternity being established and being on the hook for child support.

    Clearly that's not what happened here. You're directing your anger to the wrong people. The only person you should be angry with is your husband. No, not even Baby Momma - she made no promises to you, hence has broken no vows as far as you and your husband are concerned.

    If you really don't want to deal with any of this, there is another perfectly legal option. Divorce his cheating backside and move forward. Because if he's the father, and Mom wants child support, she'll get it and she'll be part of his life until at least the day his daughter turns 18. Can you deal with that, including even more stress as your family income goes down and Mom is still around to press your buttons?

    You're painting your husband as father of the year but if you want to know exactly what triggered this, you have to look at yourself. She approached you and your husband and you told her to get lost. If there's one thing guaranteed to piss off the "other woman", it's the wife demanding that she leaves the father of her child alone.

    For the sake of your son, please get into family therapy. Please.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Guys and Gals, I don't like the OP's attitude about this any better than anyone else does, particularly since they did start visitation with the child, and particularly because the child is her own child's sibling and siblings have the right (in my humble opinion) to be part of each other's lives. But the bottom line here is that the child has a legal father, the husband of the mother.

    Mom could not have taken the results of a home DNA test and established paternity and a child support order...particularly without the knowledge of OP's husband.

    Unless the mother's husband wants his legal paternity disestablished, and is within the legal time frame to do so (I don't know what that is in the state in question) the only person who could disestablish the husband's legal paternity is OP's husband. Unless HE files in court to legally disestablish the husband's paternity and establish his own, no child support orders are going to be made.

    Once again I think its particularly reprehensible that the OP and her husband are willing to deny their child the right to be part of his sibling's life, and I think that they are going to seriously regret that down the road. I cannot imagine having to explain to my adult child why I denied them the right to know that they had a sibling and could have grown up knowing that sibling, but its not my decision to make.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Guys and Gals, I don't like the OP's attitude about this any better than anyone else does, particularly since they did start visitation with the child, and particularly because the child is her own child's sibling and siblings have the right (in my humble opinion) to be part of each other's lives. But the bottom line here is that the child has a legal father, the husband of the mother.
    Pretty sure I said that already.

    Mom could not have taken the results of a home DNA test and established paternity and a child support order...particularly without the knowledge of OP's husband.
    Pretty sure I already said that, too.


    Unless the mother's husband wants his legal paternity disestablished, and is within the legal time frame to do so (I don't know what that is in the state in question) the only person who could disestablish the husband's legal paternity is OP's husband. Unless HE files in court to legally disestablish the husband's paternity and establish his own, no child support orders are going to be made.
    Well, there is one possibility that Mom could take if she's made aware of it. If Mom and her husband get divorced, he can disestablish at that point and generally regardless of the timing - the timing only comes in when we're discussing how long whoever has been Dad and what's in the best interest of the child. So... they can get divorced, he disestablishes his paternity, she files against OP's husband, and then she and HER ex get back together.

    While I feel that's an absolutely deplorable thing to do, I think OP should be aware of the possibility.


    Once again I think its particularly reprehensible that the OP and her husband are willing to deny their child the right to be part of his sibling's life, and I think that they are going to seriously regret that down the road. I cannot imagine having to explain to my adult child why I denied them the right to know that they had a sibling and could have grown up knowing that sibling, but its not my decision to make.
    L, if anything, I attempted to give her practical advice regardless of the legalities. It was legit. This OP is going to have a dreadful 18 years if she doesn't come to terms that Dad did indeed create a new member of their family, and that if she hadn't have overreacted (and she did) by telling Mom to leave them alone things might be a little different.

    But honestly? OP has to make a decision and she doesn't have many options. I do feel for her, actually. She didn't ask for this and that's probably why I'm perhaps secretly hoping she starts thinking of her son and herself.... and ditch the cheating husband. If not, she's going to have to live with a situation that might never be fully accepted and that's not healthy for anyone.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Husband Had Affair with Married Woman

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Pretty sure I said that already.



    Pretty sure I already said that, too.



    Well, there is one possibility that Mom could take if she's made aware of it. If Mom and her husband get divorced, he can disestablish at that point and generally regardless of the timing - the timing only comes in when we're discussing how long whoever has been Dad and what's in the best interest of the child. So... they can get divorced, he disestablishes his paternity, she files against OP's husband, and then she and HER ex get back together.

    While I feel that's an absolutely deplorable thing to do, I think OP should be aware of the possibility.



    L, if anything, I attempted to give her practical advice regardless of the legalities. It was legit. This OP is going to have a dreadful 18 years if she doesn't come to terms that Dad did indeed create a new member of their family, and that if she hadn't have overreacted (and she did) by telling Mom to leave them alone things might be a little different.

    But honestly? OP has to make a decision and she doesn't have many options. I do feel for her, actually. She didn't ask for this and that's probably why I'm perhaps secretly hoping she starts thinking of her son and herself.... and ditch the cheating husband. If not, she's going to have to live with a situation that might never be fully accepted and that's not healthy for anyone.
    I wasn't targeting anyone in particular, but the general tone of the thread. I agree that you said many of the same things that I said.

    I am not sure that the OP is going to have a dreadful 18 years...I think that perhaps the worst is going to happen AFTER those 18 years...or maybe will start around 12-14 years from now.

    I will never forget what happened to one of the friends of my daughter. She was in middle school and a total stranger walked up to her (who was also in middle school at the same school) and said "I am your sister, we have the same daddy". I suspect that anyone can imagine the trauma that caused.

    I also knew a preacher (he is deceased now) who was also the son of a preacher, who had to confront a similar situation when he was in his 40s.

    Bottom line...no matter how easier it is to ignore reality, reality can and will eventually bite you in the behind.

    However, the child support reality is probably not going to bite this family in the behind. However, in the end, they might wish it had.

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