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  1. #1
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    Default Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia

    My daughter is 11 years old. Her mother has become addicted to heroin and has had her other child removed from her custody. A social worker has filed for a hearing which occurs tomorrow regarding the other child and is hoping the judge will order her to a treatment program. Mom is not allowed to have any contact with her son at the moment, and the child has been in foster care for about 7 weeks.

    The social worker has advised me to file my own petition in my city to modify mom's visitation with my daughter. I am thinking asking for no visitation until after she completes treatment is appropriate. I am more worried about what comes after the treatment program. This is a relapse from before, but the first time is not documented. It is difficult to prove these things sometimes. I know relapse rates for heroin are extremely high - I've read over 90 percent. I believe mom to be a moderate to heavy user right now, and she's in complete denial. I hope she beats the odds, but they do seem staggering.

    I'd like visitation in the future to be as agreed upon between her and I. I don't want my daughter in a dangerous situation because I can't prove something is going on. Her mother and I are generally (90%) amicable, and right now she sees me as someone she can trust and who supports her. However, I don't know if she would agree to an order like that.

    What can I expect? Is an order like that reasonable in a judge's eyes? What normally happens in these situations?

  2. #2
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    Quote Quoting mygirl13
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia

    My daughter is 11 years old. Her mother has become addicted to heroin and has had her other child removed from her custody. A social worker has filed for a hearing which occurs tomorrow regarding the other child and is hoping the judge will order her to a treatment program. Mom is not allowed to have any contact with her son at the moment, and the child has been in foster care for about 7 weeks.

    The social worker has advised me to file my own petition in my city to modify mom's visitation with my daughter. I am thinking asking for no visitation until after she completes treatment is appropriate. I am more worried about what comes after the treatment program. This is a relapse from before, but the first time is not documented. It is difficult to prove these things sometimes. I know relapse rates for heroin are extremely high - I've read over 90 percent. I believe mom to be a moderate to heavy user right now, and she's in complete denial. I hope she beats the odds, but they do seem staggering.

    I'd like visitation in the future to be as agreed upon between her and I. I don't want my daughter in a dangerous situation because I can't prove something is going on. Her mother and I are generally (90%) amicable, and right now she sees me as someone she can trust and who supports her. However, I don't know if she would agree to an order like that.

    What can I expect? Is an order like that reasonable in a judge's eyes? What normally happens in these situations?
    Since the situation is pretty clear cut, I think you have a decent chance at getting such an order.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Since the situation is pretty clear cut, I think you have a decent chance at getting such an order.
    Thanks. I thought maybe judges might only order something like that if both parents agree to it.

    If you have any other suggestions about what I should ask for, I would appreciate it.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    In these cases I would look at setting up an incremental access program in which the mother would get no access or only supervised visitation until a rehab program is successfully completed, followed by supervised visitation for a long period of time tied to frequent drug tests where a relapse sends her back to the beginning of the schedule. Eventually if she proves herself drug free then the supervision drops off and visitation can be restored to a more normal schedule. You would need to know how your state's family code permits those types of schedules and what structure judges in your area are willing to approve.

    You're in a difficult place of being the support structure for the mother and having to make decisions in the best interests of your daughter. Doing what is right for your daughter may not be an easy pill to swallow for the mother but if she cares about her daughter she will understand why you did what you did when she comes out of the other end.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    Quote Quoting AdamK
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    In these cases I would look at setting up an incremental access program in which the mother would get no access or only supervised visitation until a rehab program is successfully completed, followed by supervised visitation for a long period of time tied to frequent drug tests where a relapse sends her back to the beginning of the schedule. Eventually if she proves herself drug free then the supervision drops off and visitation can be restored to a more normal schedule. You would need to know how your state's family code permits those types of schedules and what structure judges in your area are willing to approve.

    You're in a difficult place of being the support structure for the mother and having to make decisions in the best interests of your daughter. Doing what is right for your daughter may not be an easy pill to swallow for the mother but if she cares about her daughter she will understand why you did what you did when she comes out of the other end.
    Some type of graduated plan is exactly what I do not want. It's my understanding that relapsing is not a matter of "if" but "when" in almost all cases. She kept herself clean for about 2 years after the first time. I was never able to get any proof of the first time, and we're 8 months into this second time and just now getting some kind of documentation of it. I've taken years off of my life stressing over risking contempt (mom's parents throw themselves into the mix and try to enforce the order through their mom so they can have the visitation time) and keeping my daughter safe while all of this is going on.

    Mom didn't show up for the hearing for her other child. I'm guessing she won't show up for my daughter. Does that mean that the judge will automatically grant my petition, if that happens?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    Quote Quoting mygirl13
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    Some type of graduated plan is exactly what I do not want. It's my understanding that relapsing is not a matter of "if" but "when" in almost all cases. She kept herself clean for about 2 years after the first time. I was never able to get any proof of the first time, and we're 8 months into this second time and just now getting some kind of documentation of it. I've taken years off of my life stressing over risking contempt (mom's parents throw themselves into the mix and try to enforce the order through their mom so they can have the visitation time) and keeping my daughter safe while all of this is going on.

    Mom didn't show up for the hearing for her other child. I'm guessing she won't show up for my daughter. Does that mean that the judge will automatically grant my petition, if that happens?
    Most likely yes, if mom is a no-show you will get what you want by default. Some judges might continue the case to give mom another chance to appear, but if she still does not, you are going to end up with what you want by default.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Visitation Plan for Recovering Heroin User

    Quote Quoting mygirl13
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    Thanks. I thought maybe judges might only order something like that if both parents agree to it.

    If you have any other suggestions about what I should ask for, I would appreciate it.
    It would be difficult to do if her drug problems were not so clearly documented. However, since a social worker is involved, there is no question that she has serious problems.

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