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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    4

    Default Modifying a Custody Judgment With a Restraining Order Against the Father

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California. My husband went to court back in 2013.
    The ex wife was given sole everything.
    The judge went completely against mediators recommendations. Since then, he was hit with a restraining order, and his visitation were mimimized.
    The kids have suffered tremendously. Their grades are bad, she placed them into counseling for witnessing abuse which never happened. The kids have lied so much. She has alienated her oldest from his oldest daughter (they are half sisters) and from him. And she tells them things to make them afraid of my husband. Shes filed so many papers and each of the filings are packed with lies.
    Shes constantly blaming my husband for the kids attitudes and their failures.
    Everything is based off lies. She even took a psycological eval with kids. Its all ine sided because we didnt take it. We disnt have $2,000 to burn for the evaluation. This whole thing is a nightmare. Kids love their dad and little by little she is picking apart their relationship.
    He hasnt seen one of his daughters in 2 years. From what we understand, she hates him now.
    In the recent days, the ex claims that kids are displaying mental disorders and that they lie to us.
    Theres so much distruction to this whole mess.
    My question is, how should my husband go about this?
    He wants to appeal the restraining order and file for custody. in the police report it doesnt state that he broke the law. He doesnt believe she or the judge seen the police report.
    He also wants to have her held accountable for perjury as well.
    What should he do? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    20,594

    Default Re: Mediation

    It sounds as if he really needs to speak with an attorney. There is no way for any of us to know the truth of the matter and no way to accurately evaluate the merits of his case. Only an attorney that can review ALL of the findings and advise your husband on how best to proceed can provide him with the advice he seems to need here.

    I suspect that there may be more to all of this than you are aware. What you know of the case is likely filtered through your husband, so it is unlikely he will be admitting to anything that might tend to lead you to think he had any small part to play in this drama. But, if he hires an attorney that he can speak to on the matter, that attorney can address the issue through the facts of the case and not through a loving wife's devotion and loyalty. Unfortunately, what you feel happened and should now be done won't matter a whit. If anything is to be done, it will take hard work and diligence by a legal professional.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Mediation

    Guess its time to get that lawyer. Thank you!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    4,494

    Default Re: Mediation

    I will say that if you didn't have $2000 to spend on a psych eval, the attorney to unravel this stuff is going to cost you a LOT more than this. You can't introduce new evidence in an appeal. That psych eval is eventually going to have to be done. A GAL is going to have to be assigned.

    I'd expect to spend no less than $10000 on this, and $10000 is on the low end.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Mediation

    I'm curious.

    He hasn't seen one child in 2 years. I'm wondering how he has any clue what she's feeling? If he's still had contact (but no visitation), why hasn't he been pushing the visitation?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Mediation

    @Courtclerk: i dont see this being cheap. Hes lost his previous job over court appearances when he did respond. So even though its been this long since the court ordered the eval, we still can do that?
    @Dogmatique: its hear say from the other kids. Messages that they let him see. The ex gets in the way of any contact. Its just an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Hes wrong for that and he knows it. He waited too long. We should just give up. Seem. like nothing we can do now since he waited too long and we have no monies for this.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Mediation

    Please don't.

    Your husband can still have a relationship with his children. I really don't think it's all lost, though I don't think he has a shot at custody. He can still get (if he hasn't already) an enforceable visitation plan.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    So Cal
    Posts
    854

    Default Re: Mediation

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Please don't.

    Your husband can still have a relationship with his children. I really don't think it's all lost, though I don't think he has a shot at custody. He can still get (if he hasn't already) an enforceable visitation plan.
    Agreed. Don't give up on them yet. Trust me - I know better than anyone that some relationships are absolutely and irrevocably destroyed and some can be saved. Fight for them now but protect yourself at the same time. Realistically? You may not be able to have a relationship with the kids until they are adults. All you can do now is try. Some may eventually come around when they're all grown up and start to recognize what their mom did.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    260

    Default Re: Mediation

    Quote Quoting EA1070a
    View Post
    Agreed. Don't give up on them yet. Trust me - I know better than anyone that some relationships are absolutely and irrevocably destroyed and some can be saved. Fight for them now but protect yourself at the same time. Realistically? You may not be able to have a relationship with the kids until they are adults. All you can do now is try. Some may eventually come around when they're all grown up and start to recognize what their mom did.
    Children tend to grow up with questions about their childhood and the people who were, or weren't, a part of it. Do everything you can to stay in their lives, so that when that day comes, you can show these children that your absence wasn't due to a lack of love or will.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    So Cal
    Posts
    854

    Default Re: Mediation

    Quote Quoting wess1881
    View Post
    Children tend to grow up with questions about their childhood and the people who were, or weren't, a part of it. Do everything you can to stay in their lives, so that when that day comes, you can show these children that your absence wasn't due to a lack of love or will.
    Been there, done that. We'll never ever have a relationship with my step-daughter, but my step-son? We're very close. We were close before all hell broke loose in his mom's household and it had far reaching ramifications. We didn't see him for about 7 years. He came down after he turned 18 and we answered all of his questions. His mom lied like crazy and did everything she could to turn those two kids against their father and me. It worked with the girl. When my step-son came down he had a chip at first but we were totally honest with him without putting down his mom. For example, when my MIL died my husband called her from overseas a half hour after he got the call. She didn't tell them for a year, so my step-son thought we didn't give a crap. He was crazy about his grandfather. Things like that. And she hates me with a passion, and resents the fact that he's close to us. It's sad.

    Like I said, don't give up but realize that if you're dealing with a mom who hates her ex more than she loves her kids, it can be a rough road and no matter what, dad may end up being the SOB until the kids are grown up and able to formulate their own opinions.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Make that FIL. Uy. Long day.

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