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  1. #1
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    Sep 2014
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    Default Boss Suggested that an Employee Resign After Ending an Affair

    My question involves labor and employment law for the state of: Texas


    This may be all over the place as the last 48 hours have been hell for me. To sum things up, I found out my wife has been having at least an emotional affair with her boss. She works for a well known educational institution and although she is in a entry level support position, he is the director of the entire office. I have evidence that they have exchanged messages back and forth through text and also through their work email which is outlook. To make matters worse, I caught them in the act during lunch time on Wednesday. I won't go into details but I will say that I chased him down and a violent confrontation occurred. Of course he hasn't filed any charges against me because he doesn't want this getting back to the workplace. I have contacted his wife and told her everything that is going on. I left the day that I caught them and I've been staying in a hotel. I met with my wife today and she is not telling me the entire truth about everything. I have pretty much settled on getting a divorce but some part of me wants to give her another chance at least for our kids sake. She says she is sorry and wants to work on things. Back to the topic, here is my question:

    He has told her that he can't work in the same office as her and he suggested that she resign. I personally do not think he has the right to try to make her resign especially since he was an active participant in the affair. I do know with 100% certainty that they have exchanged multiple messages through their work email. I know that even if they delete them, their IT department should be able to recover them. He makes 92k per year and she only makes 25k. Obviously, it would be very hard for us to survive on just my salary if she suddenly stops working now. Should I take this to their HR department? Even if we do divorce, she needs a job and money to help take care of the kids. I know that if I report them, it will blow this thing wide open. However, I'm afraid that maybe I won't report it and then he tries to wait a few weeks or months until things have cooled down and then try to fire her over something unrelated. I know the emails will back up my accusations but I also know that they probably won't stay on their email server forever. His wife knows about the affair so I'm sure she also doesn't feel comfortable with him working in the same office as her. She is probably telling him to fire her or try to make things hard for her until she resigns. As you can tell, this is a huge mess. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    YOU should not do ONE SINGLE THING. I understand how badly you are feeling right now, but your getting involved is going to make the matter worse. Their HR has no duty to you and your getting involved could make them decide to fire your wife. This is your wife's issue employment wise and if she gets fired because of any kind of sexual harassment, she has legal recourse. She has none if she get fired because you go blazing in trying to make her issue your issue, especially where it appears that you're already only out of jail by the skin of your teeth. Sit back, grit those teeth and DO. NOTHING. If anything needs to be done, it's YOUR WIFE who needs to do it.

  3. #3
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    Sep 2014
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    7

    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    So you're saying that I should just sit back and watch how it plays out? Of course she has betrayed me but I know that she will not take this to HR on her on. If anything, she will probably try to do everything in her power to make him happy. I'm just trying to look out for her best interest in this.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2010
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    Quote Quoting jtreason
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    So you're saying that I should just sit back and watch how it plays out? Of course she has betrayed me but I know that she will not take this to HR on her on. If anything, she will probably try to do everything in her power to make him happy. I'm just trying to look out for her best interest in this.
    Commendable but this isn't your battle to fight. As pointed out, you getting involved any more than you already have is likely to get her fired.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    Quote Quoting jtreason
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    So you're saying that I should just sit back and watch how it plays out? Of course she has betrayed me but I know that she will not take this to HR on her on. If anything, she will probably try to do everything in her power to make him happy. I'm just trying to look out for her best interest in this.
    YES. That is exactly what I'm saying. THIS IS NOT YOUR FIGHT. It is up to HER how she wants to handle this. It is in her best interest that you DO NOT INTERFERE!

  6. #6
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    Sep 2014
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    Honestly, I'm kind of surprised to hear that you think it's in her best interest that I do not interfere. Despite how much she has hurt me, I feel kind of bad for creating a hostile work environment for her now. The thing that worries me is that he doesn't want to leave and she doesn't want to leave either. Like I said, if/when we divorce, she's going to need the job to help support her and the kids. I can just imagine him and his wife now trying to come up for some way to get her removed but I will do my best to sit back and let her make her own decision on this. I will ask another question though. If she gets terminated a few weeks or months from now, would it be a good idea to see her HR department then even if she is reluctant to see them herself? I just don't think it's fair for this guy to keep his 100k a year job and be able to destroy my life and do the same thing to any other woman that's hired in her place. Are companies required to launch an investigation if I make a complaint? I've seen the messages between them and they are graphic in nature. It goes both ways and I won't pretend my wife is an angel. He has sent her various emails through the work system about how bad he wants to f her and how sexy she is. As I mentioned before, she works for a huge educational institution that I'm sure everyone here has heard of. He is the f-ing director and she is in a entry level position. I'm sure they have policies in place for sexual misconduct especially using work resources. I'm not sure how long those emails are backed up either and I'm afraid he might try to wait until there is no more paper trail and then try to fire her.

  7. #7
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    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    What part of NO are you not understanding? No matter what happens, there is never going to be a time when it will be appropriate for you to go to HR or to meddle in any part of your wife's employment. It is up to HER and no one else to address it. If she doesn't choose to do so at this time (or ever) then that's the ball game. SHE is the one who may have legal recourse. YOU do not. YOU do not talk to HR or anyone else (except your divorce lawyer, should it get to that point) EVER. Right now you're hurting and you're not seeing how your going to HR can make matters WORSE for your wife.

    So I'm telling you. It can. DO NOT DO IT.

  8. #8
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Wife Having Affair with Boss and He May Force Her to Resign

    Quote Quoting jtreason
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    Honestly, I'm kind of surprised to hear that you think it's in her best interest that I do not interfere. Despite how much she has hurt me, I feel kind of bad for creating a hostile work environment for her now. The thing that worries me is that he doesn't want to leave and she doesn't want to leave either. Like I said, if/when we divorce, she's going to need the job to help support her and the kids. I can just imagine him and his wife now trying to come up for some way to get her removed but I will do my best to sit back and let her make her own decision on this. I will ask another question though. If she gets terminated a few weeks or months from now, would it be a good idea to see her HR department then even if she is reluctant to see them herself? I just don't think it's fair for this guy to keep his 100k a year job and be able to destroy my life and do the same thing to any other woman that's hired in her place. Are companies required to launch an investigation if I make a complaint? I've seen the messages between them and they are graphic in nature. It goes both ways and I won't pretend my wife is an angel. He has sent her various emails through the work system about how bad he wants to f her and how sexy she is. As I mentioned before, she works for a huge educational institution that I'm sure everyone here has heard of. He is the f-ing director and she is in a entry level position. I'm sure they have policies in place for sexual misconduct especially using work resources. I'm not sure how long those emails are backed up either and I'm afraid he might try to wait until there is no more paper trail and then try to fire her.

    I'm going to be as gentle as I can saying this, okay?

    Every one of his conquests (and there will be more than one) is an adult, and capable of thinking for themselves. Your beef is with her - not her employer (sexual harassment notwithstanding). These are choices every adult made themselves. He didn't ruin your life - well, not to any great extent. Your wife has done it by herself.

    I do think you've placed your wife in more jeopardy than you intended. You assaulted him and told HIS wife. Now your wife is a liability and I'd actually be surprised if she wasn't fired for your actions.

    I know you're terribly hurt and you have every right to be. I just can't help but think that those two things are probably the worst actions you could have taken.

    I'm sorry. You're in a craptastic situation. I wish there was something more we could do for you.

  9. #9
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Re: Boss Suggested that an Employee Resign After Ending an Affair

    I'll suggest a different tack: Help your wife find and consult with a plaintiff-side employment lawyer to discuss her situation and options. (Even there, though, you can anticipate being asked to wait in another room while your wife discusses the details of the case with the lawyer.)

  10. #10
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Boss Suggested that an Employee Resign After Ending an Affair

    That wouldn't hurt, to be sure.

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