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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    11

    Default Father Won't Agree to All Proposed Terms for a Custody Modification

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin

    Hello - I am hoping to find some help on here. Here are the basic cliff notes of our custody history.

    - My daughter is 11
    - We switched to 50/50 custody in 2012 with joint legal custody
    - Custody was previously 72/28
    - Child has historically gone to school in my district

    Here is my dilemma. My daughters father and I have joint legal custody. Until now, this has never been an issue. She is starting middle school and I would like to enroll her in the school district we are moving to in October, which is about 20 minutes away from him. He agreed via text and I retained an attorney to draft a stipulation with the school information, changing custody to every other week instead of a split week so it is less disruptive, and some miscellaneous language about school fees, activities, and requesting that he maintain absolute sobriety due to medications he is on (methadone). He agreed to it, but modified the stipulation to remove the absolute sobriety, say that if he disagrees with a school activity I am responsible for the fees (he will just disagree to everything and stick me with the bill) and that I need to move in before school starts. The school I am enrolling her in is one of the best in the state, ranks significantly higher in test scores, and is rated number 9 in the state of Wisconsin, compared to 246 for the school in his district. Since I won't agree to the other terms he added/removed to the stipulation, he is now refusing to agree with the school choice and saying he is going to register her in his district. Can he do this?! School is about to start and I am really stressed out about it. The only possible reason he could have to want her in his district is because he doesn't want to drive her. He's even made comments about how the district I enrolled her in is too "rich" and that the other kids will treat her poorly! I am baffled and don't know what to do. With school starting so soon, we won't have time to get in front of a judge.

    Additionally, since switching to 50/50 custody my daughter has become progressively more disrespectful and less interested in school. This could be because she's becoming a teenager as well. He has never been able to get her to school on time. Her dad had a tragedy happen in their household last year (infant son passed away) and has been understandably depressed since. I also recently found out that he has been in a methadone treatment program for the past 3 years for drug addiction. I am very concerned about the amount of narcotics he takes daily, he isn't tapering off and takes a high dose, and he even brings my daughter to the methadone clinic to get his drugs!! I feel that I am in a better position mentally and financially to provide my daughter with a stable home. He just lost his job. He and his wife have a baby on the way and have had marriage problems since day 1. And he is currently facing felony domestic abuse charges for an incident with his wife. Since it is his third domestic, they are charging him with a felony. I feel so helpless and I just don't know what to do. I want her to be in the best school and environment possible but he is fighting me every step of the way. Please help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    11

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    I have talked to my attorney. She basically said that a stipulation is the quickest way to resolve it, which he agreed to, but after he got fired be changed his mind. With two weeks left we won't have time to get this resolved in court as that will probably take months.

    He is in a methadone program for a drug problem. He has no pain issues. He is taking his doctor recommended dosage, but it is very high and he isn't being tapered off because every time they try he gets sick. I have never asked that he go cold turkey from his program. I simply requested that he doesn't combine it with alcohol when my daughter is around.

    I guess I am just wondering if I enroll her in the school we agreed to in June if I will somehow be in trouble because we are no longer in agreement. Our current order does not say anything about where our daughter has to attend school. It does say we split variable expenses already. I just don't understand what I am supposed to do when neither of us will budge on the school choice, and the school I am suggesting is a better school.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    Disagreeable.... I am starting to think you don't even read what is said.

    There is NO rule or order other than joint legal custody. Nothing education specific. He agreed to the school choice. I have it in writing via text and in the stipulation he modified without discussing and signed. Now he's changing his mind and I don't agree with his new school choice. Where's the contempt?

    He is insisting on a school that I don't agree to. Are we supposed to just not enroll her until we get a hearing? Because I'm pretty sure that would be considered truancy.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Additionally, in the state of Wisconsin you are only allowed to modify an order once every two years or if there is a substantial change in circumstances. Unfortunately, that means everything that needs to be addressed has to be done at the same time or we forfeit the ability to address said issue(s) for two more years.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    Hang on - what did he sign exactly?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Hang on - what did he sign exactly?
    He signed a stipulation my attorney drafted that agreed on a school choice, changed placement to every other week instead of a split week schedule like we currently have, agreeing to get her there on time (he averages 30 tardies per year) or she will reside with me during the week, and miscellaneous details about the exchanges.

    He added that I can't get her there late either or she lives with him (which is fine), removed the part about him not taking drugs or alcohol not prescribed by a doctor, added that if he doesn't agree to an activity for any reason I'm responsible for the fees, and also put that I have to have residency by August 31st when we are scheduled to move in October. The school is aware and my daughter has been registered with "intent to reside" paperwork. Because of these modifications, I have not signed the stipulation and it hasn't been filed.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    What has changed since the last order that would justify the additional demands you are making of your ex-?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    11

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
    View Post
    What has changed since the last order that would justify the additional demands you are making of your ex-?
    He is in a methadone program to get off of drugs (which he vehemently denied he did before, despite me telling the courts he did) and methadone CANNOT be combined with alcohol safely, he is facing his third domestic abuse charge right now and it is a felony so he has jail time potential, he lost his job, is struggling with depression, and he has consistently gotten her to school tardy to the point of being habitually truant. Both of us have also moved since the last order, but my new house is in a better school district, so that's why I feel she should go there. If the school in his district was better she would go to school in his district. There's no power play here, I just want her to have the best education possible.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    BTW, you sound like a great mom. It appears you made the move for the best interests of your child. You are also fighting tooth and nail for her best interests. Everyone should have a mom that loves them so much.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    Quote Quoting Disagreeable
    View Post
    BTW, you sound like a great mom. It appears you made the move for the best interests of your child. You are also fighting tooth and nail for her best interests. Everyone should have a mom that loves them so much.
    Thank you. I appreciate that! Sorry for being so frustrated. Just wish the legal system made things a little easier! Home studies, mediation, it all takes forever!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1,991

    Default Re: Disagreement Over School, Methadone Use and More

    is he currently required to pay for extracurricular activities?

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