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  1. #1

    Default Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Florida

    I would like to explain my situation and request some professional and unbiased opinions on the matter. I am currently contemplating filing a dissolution of marriage against my wife but know that there is going to end up being a battle for custody over our child.
    We married a few years ago in Florida before our child was born, I deployed shortly after our marriage and came home a few weeks after the birth.**everything was going well until about a year after our child's birth then we split up because she was talking to another guy. I had filed for a dissolution of marriage then and drug out the process for almost a year. One time while she was down picking up our son (I'm stationed in Florida and she was living with family in south Carolina) she confronted me saying that she wanted to try and work out our marriage again.
    I know it wasn't the smartest thing to accept her back without a second thought but I did.* Everything was going well for a few months before they moved back down with me. Shortly after them moving back I began to get random texts from her that were meant for someone else.* I confronted her and some of them turned into arguments while others sounded more like an opps.
    Finally I became very suspicious and decided to investigate a little on my own.* I started with reviewing text messages being sent and received, that's when I found out that she was talking to an ex from high school.* Instead of confronting her I created a fake phone number and decided to try and deter them from talking by saying things like I was going to tell her husband that she was planning on cheating on him again. This worked for a few months until just recently I became suspicious again.* I didn't see any texts this time but after checking her Facebook I seen that they were talking again.* I tried again to deter her again from talking to him but this time I installed a keylogger to her computer to see what was being said (I know, I'm untrustworthy and shouldn't have done it).
    This time instead of them stop talking they created an email hidden,* I only found it because of the keylogger.* Within their conversations they talked about marriage and kids down the road, a wedding and her plans of leaving me. Her plan was to wait until after she finished school (over 2 years) and was more financially stable so she could fight me for our child.
    This was around the time I started looking into filing for another dissolution.* My only problem is I know she is going to try and fight me for custody of our child, I myself am wanting to split custody 50/50 but with it be 8+ hours away I know this is a little harder. Another problem I am going to run into is legal fees, I do not have the money to pay a lawyer upfront the $3000+ fees for filing and legal actions.
    I guess what I am looking for is input on the situation and any advice you may have for obtaining a lawyer that will give me a fighting chance. Please be considerate on your replies, I know that I did not approach this in a professional way.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle, Please Help

    Obviously you're not going to get a 50/50 timeshare being 8 hours away.

    Can we assume that Mom is the primary caregiver? I don't mean financially.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle, Please Help

    Why would I be punished because she doesn't want to live in Florida? And as for her being the primary caregiver, it's debatable. She is currently out of work but looking for a job, she goes to school 3 days a week and our child goes to daycare 3-5 days, while she's at school I take full care of him. I work alot because of the military but in all honesty the care giving is split almost equally.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle, Please Help

    Adjust your mindset. This isn't about you and/or Mom.

    Explain the distances again if you would. Right now, and in the near future.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle, Please Help

    I know I'm thinking in the mindset of "me" not getting time with him and vice versa. But at the same time I grew up without a father and wish I had more time with one so I think that's where some of my mind set comes from.
    I live in central Florida, where my son was born and raised majority so far. We are both from Northern south Carolina which is about 8 hours driving distance away. The guy she is talking to that is trying to get her to move with him is in Idaho though, further away from any family plus myself.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle, Please Help

    So Mom is also currently in Florida with you? And you're more or less sharing the parenting as of right now?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,474

    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle

    Quote Quoting Anonymous.law
    View Post
    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Florida

    I would like to explain my situation and request some professional and unbiased opinions on the matter. I am currently contemplating filing a dissolution of marriage against my wife but know that there is going to end up being a battle for custody over our child.
    We married a few years ago in Florida before our child was born, I deployed shortly after our marriage and came home a few weeks after the birth.**everything was going well until about a year after our child's birth then we split up because she was talking to another guy. I had filed for a dissolution of marriage then and drug out the process for almost a year. One time while she was down picking up our son (I'm stationed in Florida and she was living with family in south Carolina) she confronted me saying that she wanted to try and work out our marriage again.
    I know it wasn't the smartest thing to accept her back without a second thought but I did.* Everything was going well for a few months before they moved back down with me. Shortly after them moving back I began to get random texts from her that were meant for someone else.* I confronted her and some of them turned into arguments while others sounded more like an opps.
    Finally I became very suspicious and decided to investigate a little on my own.* I started with reviewing text messages being sent and received, that's when I found out that she was talking to an ex from high school.* Instead of confronting her I created a fake phone number and decided to try and deter them from talking by saying things like I was going to tell her husband that she was planning on cheating on him again. This worked for a few months until just recently I became suspicious again.* I didn't see any texts this time but after checking her Facebook I seen that they were talking again.* I tried again to deter her again from talking to him but this time I installed a keylogger to her computer to see what was being said (I know, I'm untrustworthy and shouldn't have done it).
    This time instead of them stop talking they created an email hidden,* I only found it because of the keylogger.* Within their conversations they talked about marriage and kids down the road, a wedding and her plans of leaving me. Her plan was to wait until after she finished school (over 2 years) and was more financially stable so she could fight me for our child.
    This was around the time I started looking into filing for another dissolution.* My only problem is I know she is going to try and fight me for custody of our child, I myself am wanting to split custody 50/50 but with it be 8+ hours away I know this is a little harder. Another problem I am going to run into is legal fees, I do not have the money to pay a lawyer upfront the $3000+ fees for filing and legal actions.
    I guess what I am looking for is input on the situation and any advice you may have for obtaining a lawyer that will give me a fighting chance. Please be considerate on your replies, I know that I did not approach this in a professional way.
    Dad, can you give us a timeline on things? I am unclear as to how long mom and the child were in SC, and how long they have been back in FL.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle

    And and even MORE important question....

    You're in the military. Are you on active duty? Subject to being deployed? If so, you're going to have to realize how unstable that makes you in comparison to mom when asking the court to order one of you to be the primary custodial parent.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle

    Quote Quoting Anonymous.law
    View Post
    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Florida
    everything was going well until about a year after our child's birth then we split up because she was talking to another guy.
    Shortly after them moving back I began to get random texts from her that were meant for someone else.* I confronted her and some of them turned into arguments while others sounded more like an opps.
    Finally I became very suspicious and decided to investigate a little on my own.* I started with reviewing text messages being sent and received, that's when I found out that she was talking to an ex from high school.* Instead of confronting her I created a fake phone number and decided to try and deter them from talking by saying things like I was going to tell her husband that she was planning on cheating on him again. This worked for a few months until just recently I became suspicious again.* I didn't see any texts this time but after checking her Facebook I seen that they were talking again.* I tried again to deter her again from talking to him but this time I installed a keylogger to her computer to see what was being said (I know, I'm untrustworthy and shouldn't have done it).
    I have only two cents to add. If she isn’t aware of all the means you have undergone to track her, I imagine she might be upset and even fearful if she finds out. My imagination doesn’t have to leap to far to imagine a restraining order somewhere in your future. This might prove inconvenient as well as detrimental to your case.

    If she doesn’t know you are snooping, why don’t you quit the spy games now? Take off the key logger. Quit monitoring her texts. Don’t set up fake e-mail accounts. Knock it off. You already know everything you need to know about your relationship with her: she isn’t faithful. And at this point, you may be married to her but you are also stalking her.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Filing for Divorce with a Custody Battle

    Gotta agree with dyrt - any judge here in Florida would slap a restraining order on you so fast your head will spin for ANY level of anything resembling "stalkerish" behaviors...such as making fake accounts and using key loggers. That type of control and manipulation is the #1 red flag that gets taught to BOTH prosecutors AND judges in the bi-annual trainings they are required to have here in the Sunshine State. For your OWN sake, and if you are hoping to have access to your child that doesn't include a 3rd party supervisor, you've GOT to cut this type of behavior in the bud...yesterday if not faster. You KNOW she's not faithful. Stop and work with that information. Further digging or monitoring is only going to work AGAINST you.

    And, you need to be aware that if mom is able to GET a restraining order against you, your career could come to a very sudden end, thanks to FEDERAL law that will effectively cause your access to firearms to be restricted. The absolute LAST thing you want to do is make mom fearful or give her ammo that will work against you, even if SHE isn't the one seeking for such things to happen - the judge COULD take it upon themselves to do it anyway!. If at all possible, your best strategy is to get yourself a good family law attorney and let THEM be the one to make communications and negotiations with mom. Browse this or really ANY legal forum, and you'll see LOTS of people who NEVER thought that a judge would issue a restraining order, only to find out that they were very, very, wrong. The process isn't like a trial where any bad behavior on your part has to be PROVEN to any degree...all it takes is for her to claim to be afraid of you (for herself OR the child), and for a judge to feel that there MIGHT be reason for her to be afraid...and let's face it...by definition, a soldier is a trained, armed, killing machine. See how quickly things can go VERY south, VERY quickly? Thus, you may want to consider that the LEAST amount of contact between you and mom, at least without very public witnesses, the better, as less opportunity for there to be a "he said, she said" in the future. Nix the snooping. Get the attorney.

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