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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Hampshire
    I left my husband late last August and moved to my Mother in MA. We have 2 children. I had consent to leave. We have been here since. We had drafted, signed and notorized a separation agreement that he said he filed with the court, and took money from the child support to do so. Then I found out that he lied and never filed it. We are now in the process of divorcing. We currently have no court ordered child support or visitation. He has been paying 1,100 per month in child support and I have given him the children every single holiday, extra weekends and offered them to him for every school vacation. When I left I had been a stay at home Mom for the previous 5 years and had no income or savings or property outside the marriage. I didn't take anything nor do I want anything. I came here, 3 hrs away from where we last lived together, because it was the onlyplace that I had family and support. Since living here I have begun to build my life to where it needs to be for me to support my children. I work part-time right now, full-time starting in September, so that I am home during the day for the children who only go to school for 3 hrs. So I work nights and my Mother puts them to bed. I have them enrolled in one of the best schools in the area and both have been granted full day and full week class starting in September. They have friends here, they are involved in extra-curricular activities like sports and dance lessons, they go to play dates and birthday parties, they have been baptized and begin CCD classes this fall at the local church, they have pediatricians and dentist and are up to date on all medical appointments. I still live at my Mother's with them because when I moved here I immediately had surgery and was forced to get a new vehicle because the one I had during the marriage was releasing carbon monoxide into the interior. Not having had any money of my own I had to borrow and rely on the support of my family and I now owe them over 15,000 which I have been paying off. I also have been enrolled in the local community collage to complete a paralegal certificate program to put myself in a better position to provide for my children...my ex and I met yesterday to try to come to an agreement out of court on all aspects of the divorce. the only issue we do not agree on is that he feels that the court should force me to relocate within 60 miles of him so that he can see them more...that would mean leaving everything I am trying to build for myself and my children. It's not that I want to keep them from him. I give them to him as much as I possibly can and have them call and Skype him all the time...but I have no family and no support in NH. I have no friends or job there. I have nothing there...during our marriage there were times where he would leave on business and I'd be left with no money to take care of the children or the electric would get shut off or he would go out drinking all night and not return until late the next day...here I have reliable support of family to help me care for our 4 and 5 year old...he recently moved in with his new girlfriend of 4 months and her child and doesn't want to have to drive and hour and a half to get his own children...I too am in a relationship of 9 months, with no thought of cohabitation as of yet, but am fully committed to this man. Being forced to leave here would also force me to lose that relationship...when I did not comply to request to move yesterday he told me this morning that he is lessening his child support payments. I suspect because it angered him that I did not do as he said. he said that my current income of 150 a week counts against what he is due to pay. Come September my income will increase to about 400 a week...MY QUESTION IS: Will a judge force me to leave everything I'm trying to build for my family in order to be able to provide the life they deserve as a single mother and move to him where I have nothing? (He says that they will.) AND is he correct that my making even such a small amount of income lowers his responsibility in terms of child support for our two children?
    PLEASE HELP ME WITH A LITTLE GUIDANCE. I AMSINCERELY TERRIFIED OF THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    551

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    Quote Quoting kcrawfordx2
    View Post
    MY QUESTION IS: Will a judge force me to leave everything I'm trying to build for my family in order to be able to provide the life they deserve as a single mother and move to him where I have nothing? (He says that they will.) AND is he correct that my making even such a small amount of income lowers his responsibility in terms of child support for our two children?
    PLEASE HELP ME WITH A LITTLE GUIDANCE. I AMSINCERELY TERRIFIED OF THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.
    Is the child support court ordered? If it isn't then he can withhold it for whatever reason he wants, if it is then he cannot withhold it unless it is provided for in the court order. I don't know what the child support guidelines are in NH but if he makes enough money that he will be ordered to pay as much or more then he is now then you need to take him to court for child support.

    Considering you have already moved, and that moving back to NH would not be in the child's best interest there is essentially no chance the court would require relocation. Does Dad pick up the children from where you live? Or do you meet somewhere? If distance is the issue then you may want to start discussions about changing the pickup location.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    Quote Quoting kcrawfordx2
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Hampshire
    I left my husband late last August and moved to my Mother in MA. We have 2 children. I had consent to leave. We have been here since. We had drafted, signed and notorized a separation agreement that he said he filed with the court, and took money from the child support to do so. Then I found out that he lied and never filed it. We are now in the process of divorcing. We currently have no court ordered child support or visitation. He has been paying 1,100 per month in child support and I have given him the children every single holiday, extra weekends and offered them to him for every school vacation. When I left I had been a stay at home Mom for the previous 5 years and had no income or savings or property outside the marriage. I didn't take anything nor do I want anything. I came here, 3 hrs away from where we last lived together, because it was the onlyplace that I had family and support. Since living here I have begun to build my life to where it needs to be for me to support my children. I work part-time right now, full-time starting in September, so that I am home during the day for the children who only go to school for 3 hrs. So I work nights and my Mother puts them to bed. I have them enrolled in one of the best schools in the area and both have been granted full day and full week class starting in September. They have friends here, they are involved in extra-curricular activities like sports and dance lessons, they go to play dates and birthday parties, they have been baptized and begin CCD classes this fall at the local church, they have pediatricians and dentist and are up to date on all medical appointments. I still live at my Mother's with them because when I moved here I immediately had surgery and was forced to get a new vehicle because the one I had during the marriage was releasing carbon monoxide into the interior. Not having had any money of my own I had to borrow and rely on the support of my family and I now owe them over 15,000 which I have been paying off. I also have been enrolled in the local community collage to complete a paralegal certificate program to put myself in a better position to provide for my children...my ex and I met yesterday to try to come to an agreement out of court on all aspects of the divorce. the only issue we do not agree on is that he feels that the court should force me to relocate within 60 miles of him so that he can see them more...that would mean leaving everything I am trying to build for myself and my children. It's not that I want to keep them from him. I give them to him as much as I possibly can and have them call and Skype him all the time...but I have no family and no support in NH. I have no friends or job there. I have nothing there...during our marriage there were times where he would leave on business and I'd be left with no money to take care of the children or the electric would get shut off or he would go out drinking all night and not return until late the next day...here I have reliable support of family to help me care for our 4 and 5 year old...he recently moved in with his new girlfriend of 4 months and her child and doesn't want to have to drive and hour and a half to get his own children...I too am in a relationship of 9 months, with no thought of cohabitation as of yet, but am fully committed to this man. Being forced to leave here would also force me to lose that relationship...when I did not comply to request to move yesterday he told me this morning that he is lessening his child support payments. I suspect because it angered him that I did not do as he said. he said that my current income of 150 a week counts against what he is due to pay. Come September my income will increase to about 400 a week...MY QUESTION IS: Will a judge force me to leave everything I'm trying to build for my family in order to be able to provide the life they deserve as a single mother and move to him where I have nothing? (He says that they will.) AND is he correct that my making even such a small amount of income lowers his responsibility in terms of child support for our two children?
    PLEASE HELP ME WITH A LITTLE GUIDANCE. I AMSINCERELY TERRIFIED OF THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.
    Stop, take a big deep breath and relax. No, the judge cannot force you to move closer to dad. You moved with consent almost a year ago. Its too late now for dad to protest that.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    He is in Keene NH and I am on Cape Cod. We meet in Milford off of 495 because it's about halfway between the two locations. I'd have no problem with driving a little further...as I said, I want the children to see their Father as much they can. He is their Dad and that relationship is critical to their lives...the child support is not court ordered. Because he lied to me and never filed the notarized separation agreement where we laid out support on a temporary basis until the divorce...I'm coming to terms with the idea that he can dictate the support payments and amount until a judge says otherwise. And that's ok. It has never been about the money to me...only about a chance to become the single Mother and provider I need to be now that I am doing it on my own.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    Quote Quoting kcrawfordx2
    View Post
    He is in Keene NH and I am on Cape Cod. We meet in Milford off of 495 because it's about halfway between the two locations. I'd have no problem with driving a little further...as I said, I want the children to see their Father as much they can. He is their Dad and that relationship is critical to their lives...the child support is not court ordered. Because he lied to me and never filed the notarized separation agreement where we laid out support on a temporary basis until the divorce...I'm coming to terms with the idea that he can dictate the support payments and amount until a judge says otherwise. And that's ok. It has never been about the money to me...only about a chance to become the single Mother and provider I need to be now that I am doing it on my own.
    I think its unlikely that you would have to drive further than you are driving now. Seriously, dad gave his consent to the move almost a year ago. I understand that he regrets it now, but its too late for him to protest the move, and a judge simply cannot order you to uproot an established life to make things easier for dad. The law just doesn't work that way. I think that dad was hoping to convince you that you HAD to agree to it.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    what, if any child custody or visitation actions were taken in the New Hampshire court. It doesn't sound like anything was filed in the NH courts. If that is the case, then MA will have jurisdiction of the matter due to that being the state of residence of the child, unless of course you cede jurisdiction to NH by not contesting it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    I tried to file here in MA but was denied because I had not been here for the full term of one year yet and because as a married couple we never lived in MA, he has never lived in MA at all...the court told me that because the last place we resided married was NH that it had to be done there. So it was filed in Keene...we agreed to mediation at first but now it seems that it won't work because I won't agree to moving as he wants me to...I tried calling the mediator to cancel it but got no response...I can't afford an attorney, in any stretch of the imagination. But I see no choice but to go before a judge to allow the court to decide this issue. My ex makes a lot of money so I worry he come fully represented but I'll do the best I can with honesty and sincerity...I'm trying not to allow him to bully me into relocating...this very much is the scariest and biggest fight of my life...I always backed down but I can't this time...it's about my children having the kind of life here that they never had there.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    Mom, hold up a sec.

    Let's boil it down to the basics.

    You left. WITH CONSENT. He can't ask the court to order you to return with the child (well, technically he can ask but it won't get him anywhere outside of pissing off the judge).

    Relax. Once you've been there long enough, get the custody papers modified.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    kcrawfordx2;810262]I tried to file here in MA but was denied because I had not been here for the full term of one year
    that applies for a divorce but not a child custody issue. It only takes 6 months per the UCCJEA to establish residency for purposes of child custody issues.

    but if you have already accepted NH jurisdiction, it is too late to do anything now.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    RTR/WDE
    Posts
    1,724

    Default Re: My Ex is Trying to Have the Court Force Me to Move Closer to Him

    Quote Quoting jk
    View Post
    that applies for a divorce but not a child custody issue. It only takes 6 months per the UCCJEA to establish residency for purposes of child custody issues.

    but if you have already accepted NH jurisdiction, it is too late to do anything now.
    Except contact a few family law attorneys in NH and see if they'll handle your case with Dad on the hook to foot your legal bill, especially if he makes "a lot of money".

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