My question involves restraining orders in the State of: Virginia
My husband, in my terms, assaulted me. He has always had a short-fuse and in turn I wind up with a short-fuse right back. He was screaming at our toddler about putting her shoes on this day and I was defensive towards him screaming at her. He was already in a bad mood that morning, saying I was a f* b*. The moment we were alone he came at me stating "you're not going to tell me how to raise my kids", screaming it, and pointing his finger in my face, so I therefore raised my fist up and the moment I did that he slammed me into the door. He stated on the record that he did not slam me into the door but the Judge still ordered the PO for 1 year with supervised visitation of our two children.
He has technically already violated the order by speaking to me about anything other than the kids but we hadn't spoken in 2 weeks so it felt like it was necessary. He did not lose his temper. He told me he was scared that he will be charged with the assault charge in 2 weeks which will in fact cause him to lose his job. I do not want him to lose his job because he is not educated (no high school diploma) so therefore, I don't want the charges 'dropped' but perhaps, dismissed on the basis that he wouldn't be able to afford to take care of his children via child support.
He wants me to petition to have the Judge drop the P.O. but I did communicate to him that he has to complete what was ordered before it can be dropped. It's not going to happen in 1-2 days or even a month. He has not once accepted any responsibility for what happened and still blames me so therefore I have said nothing further than him other than asking when or where he would like to see his children (without me of course).
I know he has a good heart in there. I know he does love us and care about us. But, he also has so many angry episodes that it has caused our toddler to lash out at her younger sister. So, even though my heart told me two days ago to drop everything and go back into the abuse I chose not to. I hate that I had to give up on my marriage to protect my children but, genuinely, he has put me down and I am a storybook case of "he won't do that" and then he does. He has not been very physical just VERY threatening, always puts me down (including my college education which I just finished), and he always blames me for problems with finances.
So, it was very hard to walk away. I didn't want to uproot my girls and move back in with my mother. My mother isn't any nicer than my husband. She is already asking for money that I do not have. I know she is taking a big step by allowing me to move in with the girls but ultimately I will have no choice but to go back to my husband in the future.
Questions today are:
The modification of the P.O. would be otherwise stupid to request until he has completed something, correct?
The assault and battery charge, is there anything I can say in his favor without stating I lied about the charge? I did not lie but HE feels I did. He doesn't remember the situation as I do. I don't think he realizes his own strength. But, I do not want him to lose his job because the next job he gets will only be minimum wage and that's not going to help his future. He even said if he was charged that he would never work it out with me. Which is again a threat.

