Quote Quoting adjusterjack
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Sorry, but unless you have the money that it takes to litigate this, nothing will change.

You don't get to adopt without the consent of both parents, unless the courts involuntarily terminate both parent's rights.

You don't get to do a name change without the consent of both parents, unless the court involuntarily terminate both parent's rights.

You'll just have to settle for being guardians without changing the child's last name, unless you have the money to hire an adoption attorney.

By the way, the reality is that the name doesn't define the child and I think, like most, you want the child to carry your name because of your own emotional needs, and not the child's.
I added a bit to clarify for the OP. I am also not sure that changing the child's last name is an emotion needs issue. I think that the person who advised them to do that somehow thought it would strengthen their position legally, which of course it will not.