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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    2

    Default Can a Father, Never Married to the Mother, Obtain Custody

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Georgia

    Hello,

    I had two boys with my girlfriend and we were together for five years. I'm on their birth certificate and have established legitimization.

    When the boys were 2 and 3 I was offered a job in PA. The mom left and took the boys (not by force), and I quickly moved back down to GA and got another job and made another home for them.

    The mother is still living with her parents after over a year, and has been working the entire time. She jumped into a new relationship 3 months after she moved back down here. I was never ok with my kids being introduced to someone so new so quickly, but it went on for sometime even after I voiced my concerns.

    About 10 months after she left, she wanted to come back and poured out all the details about the boyfriend. His car had just been repossessed 3 days earlier, he is currently in therapy, and had a substance abuse problem. We decided to think it over for a week and she reached the conclusion that she did not want to try and make it work again. This was a pretty amicable conversation but I made it clear that our boys can definitely not be around him.

    Tensions grew high as our boys started talking about seeing him again, and we kept getting into arguments over it. So much so, that one day when she came to pick up the kids her phone started ringing and it was her boyfriend... I picked up the phone and before I knew what hit me she was grabbing at the phone and basically clinging on to me like a koala bear grasping a tree. I gave her the phone back immediately, told her to leave without our kids as both boys were visibly hysterical. She would not leave and kept screaming, and our kids just covered up their ears, and screamed with tears streaming down their faces.

    I took her by both shoulders and walked her backwards out of the apartment, the kids were upset that their mother was forced out of the house so I let her back in and she took the kids and left.

    Ever since then she has been making very exaggerated claims about the incident. A couple months passed and everything went back to normal, she would come inside and get the kids ready, or I would go inside her parents house and help pack their things when it was my turn to have them. But 2 days before I was served my papers she said she was uncomfortable picking up the kids by herself and she was bringing someone with her. (I had no idea what she was talking about as I had no idea that she was suing for full custody). She came with the boyfriends mom to pick up our kids...later that day I was served the papers and it all made sense.

    I know GA usually favors the mom, but I made a home for them. I always paid for their health insurance, diapers, and wipes. I paid her money while I was still in PA and she had the kids by herself. But she is not back to normal yet, and I educated myself on divorce as well as divorce with children. I sincerely don't want to turn my kids over to the realm of the accidental. I sent her a list of mediators waay before she sued for custody but she declined.

    Her lawyer strongly advised her to go to mediation, but we will both have our attorneys.

    What is the way to proceed if mediation does not work out? The lawyers are so expensive that it would undo everything in the meantime and create a serious cash flow problem. I THINK she is living in her boyfriend's basement and i'm not sure a guardian ad litum will be made aware of this.

    What is the best way to proceed?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Can a Father, Never Married to the Mother, Obtain Custody

    Quote Quoting rredding18
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Georgia

    Hello,

    I had two boys with my girlfriend and we were together for five years. I'm on their birth certificate and have established legitimization.
    Good. That helps.


    When the boys were 2 and 3 I was offered a job in PA. The mom left and took the boys (not by force), and I quickly moved back down to GA and got another job and made another home for them.
    So you're both in the same state again.

    The mother is still living with her parents after over a year, and has been working the entire time. She jumped into a new relationship 3 months after she moved back down here. I was never ok with my kids being introduced to someone so new so quickly, but it went on for sometime even after I voiced my concerns.
    It wasn't your decision. The court trusts Mom to make the right decisions.


    About 10 months after she left, she wanted to come back and poured out all the details about the boyfriend. His car had just been repossessed 3 days earlier, he is currently in therapy, and had a substance abuse problem. We decided to think it over for a week and she reached the conclusion that she did not want to try and make it work again. This was a pretty amicable conversation but I made it clear that our boys can definitely not be around him.
    Again not your decision.


    Tensions grew high as our boys started talking about seeing him again, and we kept getting into arguments over it. So much so, that one day when she came to pick up the kids her phone started ringing and it was her boyfriend... I picked up the phone and before I knew what hit me she was grabbing at the phone and basically clinging on to me like a koala bear grasping a tree. I gave her the phone back immediately, told her to leave without our kids as both boys were visibly hysterical. She would not leave and kept screaming, and our kids just covered up their ears, and screamed with tears streaming down their faces.
    Why on earth did you pick up her phone?

    I'm not surprised the kids acted up - they just watched Dad taking Mom's phone and Mom wanting to take the phone back. It wouldn't have happened at all had you not picked up the darned thing in the first place.


    I took her by both shoulders and walked her backwards out of the apartment, the kids were upset that their mother was forced out of the house so I let her back in and she took the kids and left.
    You put your hands on her. You had absolutely no right to do that.


    Ever since then she has been making very exaggerated claims about the incident. A couple months passed and everything went back to normal, she would come inside and get the kids ready, or I would go inside her parents house and help pack their things when it was my turn to have them. But 2 days before I was served my papers she said she was uncomfortable picking up the kids by herself and she was bringing someone with her. (I had no idea what she was talking about as I had no idea that she was suing for full custody). She came with the boyfriends mom to pick up our kids...later that day I was served the papers and it all made sense.
    Okay.


    I know GA usually favors the mom, but I made a home for them. I always paid for their health insurance, diapers, and wipes. I paid her money while I was still in PA and she had the kids by herself. But she is not back to normal yet, and I educated myself on divorce as well as divorce with children. I sincerely don't want to turn my kids over to the realm of the accidental. I sent her a list of mediators waay before she sued for custody but she declined.
    Okay.


    Her lawyer strongly advised her to go to mediation, but we will both have our attorneys.

    What is the way to proceed if mediation does not work out? The lawyers are so expensive that it would undo everything in the meantime and create a serious cash flow problem. I THINK she is living in her boyfriend's basement and i'm not sure a guardian ad litum will be made aware of this.

    What is the best way to proceed?

    With what? Both of you are using the kids as weapons.

    The bottom line though is that the parent who has been the primary caregiver (not financially - the day to day things, and overnights) will generally remain the primary.

    Dad...listen up a sec.

    You are about 3 inches away from completely sabotaging your custody chances. You can't control Mom, where she lives or even who she's living with unless you provide some strong evidence that he remains a consistent threat. Those decision are not yours to make.

    What is your end goal in this?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Can a Father, Never Married to the Mother, Obtain Custody

    First off, thank you for your unreserved feedback.

    Second,

    I have been doing the day-to-day. She had them on Monday and Tuesday. One of our boys will be starting kindergarten very shortly.

    I have planned my whole life around our kids. This includes doctors, daycare, schools, and an excellent community. I agree that I had no right to put my hands on her, I just wanted the chaos to stop.

    My goal is to continue to support, provide, and ensure a solid future for them. I have always made it crystal clear to all parties involved that I do not wish to interfere with the boys and their mom. They love her, and I support that 100%. I also knew as soon as she left that we would remain interdependent on one another and by necessity would have to get along. I have offered to pay for her health insurance, work on her resume, and in many other ways as well.

    If you could help me understand how I'm using our kids as a "weapon" I would greatly appreciate it. This is not my intention at all, and I surely don't want to put ANY custody in danger.

    Thanks again.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    4,494

    Default Re: Can a Father, Never Married to the Mother, Obtain Custody

    All you have proven with your posts is that you've done exactly what you're supposed to do as a parent and you don't get brownie points for stuff you're SUPPOSED TO DO. However, you have proven that you can have violent tendencies and express them in front of your children. THAT ALONE is enough to get mom full custody with you having supervised visitation ONLY.

    GA doesn't "favor the mother." GA favors the PARENT who can act like an adult and facilitate a positive relationship between the child(ren) and the other parent. In this situation, neither one of you are it, however, mom didn't grab/touch/snatch/steal from you, you did it to HER. I would hope she brought that up to her attorney and it all comes out in court because the one thing I can't tolerate is violence in front of the children (really not at all, but if y'all want to kill each other, have at it).

    You want the chaos to stop, but you started it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Can a Father, Never Married to the Mother, Obtain Custody

    Quote Quoting rredding18
    View Post
    First off, thank you for your unreserved feedback.

    Second,

    I have been doing the day-to-day. She had them on Monday and Tuesday. One of our boys will be starting kindergarten very shortly.

    I have planned my whole life around our kids. This includes doctors, daycare, schools, and an excellent community. I agree that I had no right to put my hands on her, I just wanted the chaos to stop.

    My goal is to continue to support, provide, and ensure a solid future for them. I have always made it crystal clear to all parties involved that I do not wish to interfere with the boys and their mom. They love her, and I support that 100%. I also knew as soon as she left that we would remain interdependent on one another and by necessity would have to get along. I have offered to pay for her health insurance, work on her resume, and in many other ways as well.

    If you could help me understand how I'm using our kids as a "weapon" I would greatly appreciate it. This is not my intention at all, and I surely don't want to put ANY custody in danger.

    Thanks again.

    The simple fact of choosing to start something knowing that the kids were present and they'd get upset, including you forcing their Mom out.

    So during the past few months (or shorter), who has had the overnights?

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