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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    2

    Default Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Kansas
    My nephew is 15, he will be 16 in October. My niece (the mother) is a very hard person to please. She demands respect at all times regardless of how she is acting. If you disagree with her on any subject you are defying her authority and disrespecting her which then leads to grounding or some form of punishment. She communicates by yelling and screaming.
    She has always had him in her custody but has not done all the raising of him. For the majority of his 15 years my sister (grandmother) has made sure his basic needs have been met, has clean clothes, lunches paid, homework done etc. She will no longer allow him to see his grandmother as punishment.
    Now that he is 15 and has started to talk back, not disrespecting or name calling, just why do you act like this mom, why are you screaming, why are you calling me names, leave me alone - that type of thing. When he does this she will scream, ball and call him names such as - f'en spoiled rotten brat, such an a**hole or tell him you have no voice or opinion in my home so screw you. She has slapped him before and back handed with her fist in the chest because he was wanting to go to a church function that interrupted her schedule. But nothing was done about it at the time. .
    We believe she has some type of mental or personality disorder. When one of us do get to talk to him - which is not often over the last few weeks - she is isolating all of us for disrespecting her, he is begging us to come get him that he can't deal with her anymore.
    I know there are a lot worse cases out there than this. But this is a good boy who gets good grades who is now depressed and feels like we dont care about him enough to do something. If she were to find out that he has contacted us and wanted us to help him there would be no access to a phone or internet. We don't want to make his problems worse but don't want to ignore his plea. This isn't just an argument that will pass. He can ask at 9 pm if she was planning on making anything for supper and be told "Wait an f'en minute can you not see I'm doing something. Gawd, it's always something with you."
    She will never grant him emancipation and lose control, child support and the humiliation of what people would think. Any one of us would take him into our homes in a heartbeat we just feel it has to get a whole lot worse before we can offer help. Any suggestions??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
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    20,594

    Default Re: Any Rights for 15 Year Old

    My first question is: Are you witnessing any of this for yourself? If not, who are you getting your information on mom's behavior from? Given your reference to her isolating all of you, I suspect that your source of info is the teenager himself. As such, I am instantly suspicious as I have worked with teens for far too long to take such claims at face value and most often find that the road is a two way street with blame enough to go around.

    Now, if he is being physically abused or not provided for (i.e. neglected) the proper course of action would be to report this to the proper authorities. Mom being controlling or overly strict is not grounds for removal from the home or termination of parental rights. If mom agrees to a different placement for her son for a time, that can be acceptable. Absent that, it will take an action of the court to remove her parental rights - at least temporarily - for him to live with anyone else. And, then, it might not be who HE or anyone else in the family chooses. If she does not agree, then it appears that KS does not permit for his emancipation absent mom losing parental rights.

    If you feel that he is being abused in some way, notify your county's child services agency of what you know or suspect and let them look into it. That's about all that you can legally do.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    Quote Quoting aepelton
    View Post
    My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Kansas
    My nephew is 15, he will be 16 in October. My niece (the mother) is a very hard person to please. She demands respect at all times regardless of how she is acting. If you disagree with her on any subject you are defying her authority and disrespecting her which then leads to grounding or some form of punishment. She communicates by yelling and screaming.
    She has always had him in her custody but has not done all the raising of him. For the majority of his 15 years my sister (grandmother) has made sure his basic needs have been met, has clean clothes, lunches paid, homework done etc. She will no longer allow him to see his grandmother as punishment.
    Now that he is 15 and has started to talk back, not disrespecting or name calling, just why do you act like this mom, why are you screaming, why are you calling me names, leave me alone - that type of thing. When he does this she will scream, ball and call him names such as - f'en spoiled rotten brat, such an a**hole or tell him you have no voice or opinion in my home so screw you. She has slapped him before and back handed with her fist in the chest because he was wanting to go to a church function that interrupted her schedule. But nothing was done about it at the time. .
    We believe she has some type of mental or personality disorder. When one of us do get to talk to him - which is not often over the last few weeks - she is isolating all of us for disrespecting her, he is begging us to come get him that he can't deal with her anymore.
    I know there are a lot worse cases out there than this. But this is a good boy who gets good grades who is now depressed and feels like we dont care about him enough to do something. If she were to find out that he has contacted us and wanted us to help him there would be no access to a phone or internet. We don't want to make his problems worse but don't want to ignore his plea. This isn't just an argument that will pass. He can ask at 9 pm if she was planning on making anything for supper and be told "Wait an f'en minute can you not see I'm doing something. Gawd, it's always something with you."
    She will never grant him emancipation and lose control, child support and the humiliation of what people would think. Any one of us would take him into our homes in a heartbeat we just feel it has to get a whole lot worse before we can offer help. Any suggestions??
    Honestly? This sounds like a fairly typical teenage male who's just doing what teenage males have done for millenia - that is, to push buttons.

    Hopefully he's been able to washing his own clothes and fix his food for at least a few years by this point. He shouldn'd need Mom for either of those things.

    And yes, he is being disrespectful of Mom's household. He needs to quit that. In all honesty, y'all need to keep out of it. If he's being abused - and you've said nothing to suggest that - you call the right numbers. Other than that? This is Mom's business.

    Kids have lived with strict parents and no internet for years and I'm going to call a spade a spade here. He's playing you. He's also trying to play Mom, but having little success.

  4. #4
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    Nov 2007
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    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
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    4,494

    Default Re: Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    I'm sorry, but I almost LOL'd through this whole post. If my 15 year old told me to leave him alone or started talking back to me, he'd have to pick himself up off the ground BEFORE he could ask anymore questions.

    And WHY did he wait until 9pm to eat? Is there any reason why his ass didn't get in the kitchen and make something for him AND his mother considering he doesn't pay any bills and he was wanting to eat anyway?

    You think YOUR NIECE isn't easy to please? Try being MY child? Wanna ask him? He just turned 18 and he's finishing his first year of college. Almost a perfect student, no criminal record, no alcohol, no drugs, no babies and still a virgin because he knows his mother would be so far up his ass if he got out of line, he'd need a colonoscopy to get me out.

    Talking back IS disrespect. Anyone past the age of 10 doesn't NEED someone to do his homework or tell him it needs to be done and he can wash his own clothes too. So you know what my suggestion is???

    Mind your business.

  5. #5
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    Out of interest, who has or is about to diagnose Mom?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    Maybe I should have been more clear. I know how teenagers act since I have my own. Maybe I feel there is a certain way parents should talk, treat and interact with children that makes this inappropriate. Children do need rules, guidance and discipline. I'm not complaining about a strict parent. I'm on the inside so maybe my judgement is blurred. I am seeking advice on whether any other adult sees that maybe she is not doing her job as a mom. If I wanted to be ridiculed I would go talk to the mother and let her laugh in my face.

    When the mother has no man in her life she can be mom but when she has a man in her life the grandmother has always had to take over the mother role because mom can't juggle both as the man becomes her main concern.

    Mom has been on meds for being manic/bipolar but never sticks with the meds because she then self diagnosis herself with something else and then her time is consumed with finding a dr that will diagnosis her with the new problem.

    There have been witness, such as several boyfriends, but they had to go when they stepped in and correct her behavior with him. How many mothers scream and ball with snot dripping off their chin because their kid is sick and they don't want to stay home with them?
    Is it disrespect on the childs part for sighing and the mother accusing him of mumbling under his breath which leads to her breaking his bedroom door because he's locked himself in his room because she is demanding him grow some balls and say what he said to her face? These are just 2 examples off the top of my head that make me question her and yes 2 different witnesses.

    Grandma has had him more than the mother when you look over the last 15 yrs, mother never bonded with him since she dropped him off with grandma for the first 9 months of his life. The mother wants grandma around to take care of the things she doesnt want to do like drs appts, helping with anything to do with school homework that he may need help with, keeping him when she goes off w/boyfriend, keeping him when she can't deal w/him etc. The grandma tries to keep peace between them and will tell him just do what she says, don't ask questions. Even if he disrespected her by saying I don't want to go to the store with you it will grow to the point of the mother calling him names like a**hole, f'en sissy, f'en brat, screw you, is that the norm in homes for parents to act this way. Grandma will ask her to calm down, you don't have to scream at the top of your lungs, take a deep breath then there are even bigger problems because her authority is being disrespected. When grandma said I think you should watch him closer I've noticed he's not acting himself and I'm worried either something is going on at school or maybe he is depressed the mother said f-you and f-him I don't feel good but has anyone asked me if I'm ok or if I need anything. These are things that cause me to be concerned and make me feel like it's time for it to be my business.

    Can he fix himself something to eat, sure, except the rule is you don't snack when you get home from school and then not be hungry when I fix supper. Can he do is homework, absolutely, can he wash his own clothes, yes, that was an example from the time he was little that she doesn't make sure that anything was taken care of.

    The incident with her hitting him for wanting to go to a church function goes like this: she did take him to the church then hit him in the parking lot of the church which was witnessed by a church member. Why wasn't something done because the great grandparents that were inside the church begged noone to call because they were scared that she would take him and they'd never see him again because that is the threat she has been using for years.

    I have hoped as time went on she would learn to calm down, not be so angry, and pick her battles but over the last few weeks there have been more fights and they are over things so stupid that it's hard to see who is 15 and who is 35. We haven't been able to speak to him or see him since he called his great grandparents to please come and get him. So, there is history here and is not just over the last few weeks. Could some things be him taking all of us for a ride, sure, what kid doesn't but when you know how she can be it's hard to believe it's all made up. I realize this may be hard to get the full picture but I am concerned due to her temper I guess is what you'd call it, and the fact he is 15 and with that age you can really clash and I don't want anything to go too far but at the same time don't want to overract because I look at it from the point of view that in my home I don't like that.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
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    20,594

    Default Re: Verbal Abuse by a Parent

    The question remains: What can LEGALLY be done? The answer is still, "Almost nothing."

    If mom agrees to allow the child to live elsewhere, great. If not, there is little that can be done aside from contacting child services about any suspicions of real neglect or physical abuse.

    In what you have written I see no grounds for a court to remove parental rights from mom - even temporarily - absent ongoing physical abuse.

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