Stalked By My Boyfriend's Wife

[jj8277]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: New York

New York State


Lets, just get this out of the way... I was the blonde idiot that believed her boyfriend of two years when he said he was still legally married to his wife because he was afraid of losing everything including his children. Stupid, I know.

Firstly, his wife is a paralegal at a NYC based law firm.

For two years I'm guessing she thought we just worked together (He owns the company, I manage his business), not wanting to deal with the "baby mama drama" I was always very polite to her but kept conversation to an absolute minimum. We must have spoken a hand full of times over the course of two years. Her house is in Pennsylvania and he only goes there on the weekends to "see his children" and is in NYC for the rest of the week.

This week after me asking him to have her hand over all the company documents for tax purposes (I'm guessing this is what infuriated her), he called me frantically stating that she knew about us and was out for blood. He stated she looked at his phone bill and saw how much we've spoken and that's what made her look deeper.

Since then she has:

Hacked his phone and asked for the SIM card to have someone in her office pull records (not my concern but is it legal?)

Looked up my medical records and history

Looked up my background and criminal records

Claims that she has people "looking into me"

All using company resources. I'm not sure what she is planning to do with this information, I understand she is angry, but it is a violation of my privacy. My question is, is it legal for her to use company/legal resources to look into me for personal reasons? What can I do to get her to stop?

[Dogmatique]

Please explain how your medical records have been accessed.

(Do you really believe he's only going to see the kids? )

[jj8277]

She has information about my medical history including dates of hospital visits and other information that I have never disclosed to anyone.

Did I really believe he was only going to see the kids?
I did, foolish, I know. I just saw that they didn't live together and I guess I wanted to believe him.

[Dogmatique]

That's why I'm asking. Without consent, providers won't share the patient's info with anyone not authorized.

To gain access to anything these days, you need permission to view the record. Here's how mine work: First, you can't even get beyond the first program screen without password. Once the log-in is verified, the physician can have a look (and so can you, but they can charge you for this).

Then, as a double layer of protection, if you want to email or otherwise send the records to another provider there are some other steps needed - the receiving physician also needs a record of your consent. There are a couple of exceptions to this, but they are not common.

So, to summarize, it would take one hell of a conspiracy for a paralegal to obtain your medical records.

And then there's the issue of identity. How on earth would she know who you're seeing? I'm honestly curious about this. I'm smelling something about this, and it's not pleasant.

[aardvarc]

Hacked his phone and asked for the SIM card to have someone in her office pull records (not my concern but is it legal?)

She likely doesn't need to do anything so extreme. If they're married, there's a good chance they both have access to the phone account. No SIM card or "hacking" of a phone is needed. All she has to do is log in to their account to see the entire calling history. This easy access is why people having affairs are stupid if they're using their "normal" phone where a spouse likely has access.

Looked up my medical records and history

See Doggie's comments on this. If Mr. Cheater was present for any of your medical visits, things like GPS tracking on HIS phone or vehicle would be a dead giveaway to your movements as well.

Looked up my background and criminal records

Most of which is public record. ANYONE could look up such information on you.

Claims that she has people "looking into me"

Quite possible. But again, public records are open to the PUBLIC.

All using company resources.

Maybe on company time. But any problem her employer might have with her use of their resources is between her employer and her.

I'm not sure what she is planning to do with this information,

Who knows. But here's an example of where a little information about a person can go a LONG way towards creating massive unhappiness when cheating is involved:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000063

What she's willing to do with the information is really only limited by her creativity. I'd be willing to bet that PART of her plan may include divorce, which would impact the business and it's ability to continue to employ you. Ex wives are famous for finding novel ways to end the careers of women who have been sleeping with the boss. Hollywood has an entire genre dedicated to such.

I understand she is angry, but it is a violation of my privacy.

Neither you nor we can possibly know that. It depends on what information she's seeking, and the sources. Some of what you've specifically mentioned is information that she'd have access to just by nature of being married to her mister, and the rest may be public record (with the exception of the healthcare information, but unless she's directly employed by the medical provider, her having access to that info isn't anywhere as easy as you might believe...rather, she may have OTHER ways of knowing certain information or "figuring out" stuff).

What can I do to get her to stop?

You can't stop someone from checking you out. If you have evidence of some criminal activity, you can certainly contact police, but just knowing dates you were in the hospital won't go anywhere. On a practical level, you might consider stopping the affair until they are divorced, or seeking different employment, or both.

Right now it appears that you're getting second hand information that she's "checking up" on you. Check out New York Penal Code 120.45 et al which outlines what behaviors constitute stalking. None of them apply, at least not at this point:

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/publicsaf...ing%20Laws.pdf

[Mr. Knowitall]

And then there's the issue of identity. How on earth would she know who you're seeing? I'm honestly curious about this. I'm smelling something about this, and it's not pleasant.

The theory presented above was that she figured things out by examining her husband's cell phone.

Maybe on company time. But any problem her employer might have with her use of their resources is between her employer and her.

I'm not clear on which company's resources were being used. We could be talking about her husband's company. Any belief about what the wife does at her own job would be speculative.

[PandorasBox]

I would end that relationship until a divorce is complete and he presents the finalized papers. IF he ever honestly intended to divorce her (color me jaded, but I don't believe it at all). AND get another job. You need to be far away from him.

Next, why would he want a divorce now with more to lose? Adultery can affect Child Custody, and there is potential for him having to pay higher alimony.