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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    2

    Default How to Request that a Foster Home be Changed

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

    We need all help we can get in this custody battle. To give you some background information, we are trying to get custody of my 5 year old cousin, Emma. We are trying to get custody of her since she is in foster care in a different county than us.
    My cousin L had 4 kids, all with different fathers. Emma is half black and the 4th child. L's mother, R, has custody of first 3 kids. L had Emma in prison. R's husband is racist and would not accept a bi-racial child. He is so sick of cleaning up L's messes that he said he would leave if she had anymore. The racist is R and L's other 3 kids only form of financial support. The racist does not know that Emma is L's biological child.
    My cousin, K, took Emma and had custody of her, but never formally adopted her. K got very sick this summer and almost died. She had complete kidney failure. When the ambulance got there to take her to the hospital, they said it looked like a horder lived there and called DHR.
    K went to the hospital and Emma went into foster care.
    I found out K was in the hospital 4 days after she got there and they had already had the hearing to put Emma into foster care, so I couldn't stop it. I have been trying to get custody since August.
    Emma's foster mom, J, is an attorney for DHR in their County. She wants to adopt Emma. We are fighting to be able to ultimately adopt Emma, but fighting an uphill battle. R and L want J to adopt Emma because it is a status symbol to them for Emma to be with an attorney and to hide the fact that Emma is L's child. If the racist finds out about Emma they are afraid he will leave and they will be destitute.
    We want Emma to grow up in a happy home. We love her and want to be in her life. We want to be her parents. L doesn't care what happens to Emma as long as her secret doesn't come out. Since we are cousins and see each other at family functions, they're afraid the secret will come out if Emma stays in the family.
    R and L have filed motion after motion to stop us from getting visitation with Emma so that J will have a better chance of getting her.
    I fear they are poisoning Emma against us. J is telling straight out lies about me to my cousin K. J is not passing along any of the messages I send for Emma telling her how much we love her and miss her. They didn't even tell Emma we were even trying to get her until February. They stopped our visits in September. She hasn't heard anything about her Family since September. So, I'm certain, she feels like her family has abandoned her!
    The foster mom and the DHR worker are buddies. I fear the foster mom is poisoning Emma against us. The only person she let's Emma talk to is R, who hates us. I'm sure R is badmouthing K and me to Emma. They never tell her any messages that we love and miss her. Then J started calling K and telling her lies about me to try to get K to agree for Emma to stay with J.
    I fear because J is so close to the case that Emma should be moved to a different foster home. I fear it is a bad environment for her because of the bad things she is hearing about K, the only mom she has ever know, and me, the cousin that is "trying to steal her away". How can I request a change in foster home?
    This is breaking my heart. We need all the help we can get!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    RTR/WDE
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    Default Re: How Do We Request a Foster Home Change

    Quote Quoting saspho
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

    We need all help we can get in this custody battle. To give you some background information, we are trying to get custody of my 5 year old cousin, Emma. We are trying to get custody of her since she is in foster care in a different county than us.
    My cousin L had 4 kids, all with different fathers. Emma is half black and the 4th child. L's mother, R, has custody of first 3 kids. L had Emma in prison. R's husband is racist and would not accept a bi-racial child. He is so sick of cleaning up L's messes that he said he would leave if she had anymore. The racist is R and L's other 3 kids only form of financial support. The racist does not know that Emma is L's biological child.
    My cousin, K, took Emma and had custody of her, but never formally adopted her. K got very sick this summer and almost died. She had complete kidney failure. When the ambulance got there to take her to the hospital, they said it looked like a horder lived there and called DHR.
    K went to the hospital and Emma went into foster care.
    I found out K was in the hospital 4 days after she got there and they had already had the hearing to put Emma into foster care, so I couldn't stop it. I have been trying to get custody since August.
    Emma's foster mom, J, is an attorney for DHR in their County. She wants to adopt Emma. We are fighting to be able to ultimately adopt Emma, but fighting an uphill battle. R and L want J to adopt Emma because it is a status symbol to them for Emma to be with an attorney and to hide the fact that Emma is L's child. If the racist finds out about Emma they are afraid he will leave and they will be destitute.
    We want Emma to grow up in a happy home. We love her and want to be in her life. We want to be her parents. L doesn't care what happens to Emma as long as her secret doesn't come out. Since we are cousins and see each other at family functions, they're afraid the secret will come out if Emma stays in the family.
    R and L have filed motion after motion to stop us from getting visitation with Emma so that J will have a better chance of getting her.
    I fear they are poisoning Emma against us. J is telling straight out lies about me to my cousin K. J is not passing along any of the messages I send for Emma telling her how much we love her and miss her. They didn't even tell Emma we were even trying to get her until February. They stopped our visits in September. She hasn't heard anything about her Family since September. So, I'm certain, she feels like her family has abandoned her!
    The foster mom and the DHR worker are buddies. I fear the foster mom is poisoning Emma against us. The only person she let's Emma talk to is R, who hates us. I'm sure R is badmouthing K and me to Emma. They never tell her any messages that we love and miss her. Then J started calling K and telling her lies about me to try to get K to agree for Emma to stay with J.
    I fear because J is so close to the case that Emma should be moved to a different foster home. I fear it is a bad environment for her because of the bad things she is hearing about K, the only mom she has ever know, and me, the cousin that is "trying to steal her away". How can I request a change in foster home?
    This is breaking my heart. We need all the help we can get!
    I don't think you can. The child's mother doesn't want you to have any form of custody and it seems the state feels it is in the child's best interests to stay where she is. Child has been in current placement for 6 months or longer.

    You can read DHR's policies here, the state code concerning dependency and termination of parental rights (Article 3) here and state code concerning "Infants and Incompetents" here.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: How Do We Request a Foster Home Change

    The biological mom, L, doesn't want me know have custody but the only mother Emma has ever known wants me to have custody. L has never had anything to do with Emma!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    RTR/WDE
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    Default Re: How Do We Request a Foster Home Change

    Quote Quoting saspho
    View Post
    The biological mom, L, doesn't want me know have custody but the only mother Emma has ever known wants me to have custody. L has never had anything to do with Emma!
    Doesn't matter. The mom that birthed her is THE mom legally unless the state says otherwise.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    165

    Default Re: How Do We Request a Foster Home Change

    Your assuming a lot of things about many peoples motivations and intentions, and you seem very sure of what YOU want to happen. Perhaps you could put that aside and try to figure out what would be best for this child.

    Maybe the foster parent (and potential adoptee) really love this kid and is providing well for her. Who knows, maybe she really loves them. Would she know you from Adam? It doesn't sound like you've had a very close relationship with her, since you presumably had no idea or concern that she was living with a hoarder, and didn't know of her whereabouts until she entered the child welfare system. The fact that you love her and miss her speaks more about your needs instead of whats best for the child; parenting a child that has been abused and neglected is different from adopting a puppy. If you're really interested in being a part of her life, then consider taking the required classes to get your foster care licence. This kid is going to have some special needs that aren't going to be overcome by auntie-come-lately style good intentions.

    I don't have legal advice for you at all, but as a former foster parent and Guardian ad litem, please just let me make this moral plea. If you really do care about this kid, just back off and stop enabling bad behavior. It sounds like there is all sorts of spicy fun and dysfunction in your family of origin (welcome to the club), and often in that situation somebody tries to set them self up as patron saint for their particular gene pool. If that's you, then please consider other options. This kid has been through enough!

    Advance apologies for any of this that might be out of line...

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