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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    3

    Default Relocating Before a Possible Divorce

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Vermont

    We live in Vermont. I found out my wife was having an affair with our neighbor a little over a month ago. She "supposedly" called it off, I immediately, for her and our 3 very young children's safety, put them on a plane for Texas to stay with her sister. They've been there since. We've been back and forth trying to make it work, even deciding at one point to give the marriage a shot, and relocate all of our stuff to Texas and live there. This would enable me to go back to school, and we have tons of family there and a great support system. My wife is now not sure of the plan, maybe still wants a divorce, but she definitely wants to move back to Vermont. (I found out recently that they are still in contact VERY often. We rent a house, and with high cost of living, I can't find another place. Again, the "other" party lives across the street. Plus, I really want to move to Texas, because there will be more opportunity.

    I am in Vermont tying up loose ends with my job, and packing, as we had agreed to relocate before she began to waffle about the whole idea. I am thinking of just packing up everything, and just doing the move. Getting out of here. There is no way I would want her to have the house, with the kids, not with that guy across the street.

    Would I be hurting myself if I just made the move happen? Basically, up and left and took everything down to Texas where they already are. My wife is a stay at home mom, home schools, does all the Dr. appts, destist appts . . she would be considered the primary care giver, so I know she has that advantage. What are my options?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Relocation Before Possible Divorce

    There's nothing stopping you from relocating.

    Moving the kids though, is another matter entirely.

    If Mom is the primary caregiver, why shouldn't she remain so?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Relocation Before Possible Divorce

    Right, she's been a bad wife as of late, but not a bad mom. The kids are with her in Texas. If she were to fight for legal custody, instead of joint legal, would me making the action of relocating our stuff hurt me? I would be looking for the easiest divorce, joint whatever.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Relocation Before Possible Divorce

    Joint legal and joint physical is the norm. "Joint physical" does not mean a 50/50 timeshare though; it simply indicates that both parents have some form of custody during their parenting time.

    You're in a bit of a pickle though. This is why:

    If Mom moves back to Vermont soon you're essentially going to be asking not just for primary custody, but also to relocate the children to Texas. Given that Mom is the primary caregiver and given that Vermont is really all the children know, the chances of you being allowed to move the children aren't so good.

    The other scenario is just as grim. If you move to Texas and file in Texas, unless Mom rolls over, she's going to ask for a dismissal based on lack of jurisdiction. Vermont will be correct forum, and now you're in the same predicament.

    There is no reason why you can't both enjoy regular contact though. Skype, web-cam, email - all of these things are valid and are becoming more commonly ordered in a long-distance situation.

    I don't envy you having to make that decision. I'd be very tempted to stay put in Vermont (and given that you're married there's actually a shot at a true 50/50 timeshare) and put relocation on the back burner for now. You don't know what might happen in the future, and it's infinitely easier to modify custody if you're currently in the same state as the other parent.

    I'm just not seeing a positive outcome if you move.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Relocation Before Possible Divorce

    Unfortunate outcome, indeed, but glad to know.

    Say, we stay in Vermont, and remain separated.

    I told her I want the house, though (its a rental). She actually understood, and seemed to be ok with it. Until she finds a job, she will be coming to the house during the day to take care of the kids, and finishing our oldest's home schooling. Again, the bastard lives across the street. I told her I don't want him stepping foot on our property, coming and going as he pleased, and I don't want them going over there. I had a consultation with a divorce lawyer yesterday, and he said I have no legal basis to keep him off the property if she invites him. She is also on the lease. Our lease is month to month now, so what if I went and signed a new lease with just my name on it? Then do I have a legal basis to keep him off the property while my wife is here with the kids? This is just a temporary thing until she gets a job and we can put the kids in daycare and school, but it matters to me.

    Thanks again!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Relocation Before Possible Divorce

    Quote Quoting McCutcheon
    View Post
    Unfortunate outcome, indeed, but glad to know.

    Say, we stay in Vermont, and remain separated.

    I told her I want the house, though (its a rental). She actually understood, and seemed to be ok with it. Until she finds a job, she will be coming to the house during the day to take care of the kids, and finishing our oldest's home schooling. Again, the bastard lives across the street. I told her I don't want him stepping foot on our property, coming and going as he pleased, and I don't want them going over there.
    The thing is, you can't stop her from having a guest in the house or from taking the kids over to his house.

    I had a consultation with a divorce lawyer yesterday, and he said I have no legal basis to keep him off the property if she invites him. She is also on the lease. Our lease is month to month now, so what if I went and signed a new lease with just my name on it? Then do I have a legal basis to keep him off the property while my wife is here with the kids? This is just a temporary thing until she gets a job and we can put the kids in daycare and school, but it matters to me.
    No, sorry - you're going to need a reason why he shouldn't be around the kids. Being the "other man" isn't sufficient, as crappy as it seems.

    Thanks again!
    You're welcome. I wish there was more I could suggest, but you're sort of between a rock and hard place. Staying in VT and filing for 50/50 might be your best option.

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