My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MA
I have had a love hate relationship with my ex husband for almost a decade now. At the most recent, third failed reconciliation, my ex decided to secretly date my close girlfriend, for a year, some time while we were together, only recently did he confirm my suspicions. After a year of denials, sneaking and calling me crazy, when he told me, I went on a crazy night of text ranting. All the lies, the betrayal..blaming our failed try on me. Anyway, he took these texts, much of which were obviously my emotional back lash to all the betrayal; threatening to harm, pleading and begging to know why..to acceptance. He took these texts to the court and filed for restraining order, it was granted due to the fact that I had two prior domestic A&B's-both involving my ex, both dismissed. These prior incidents were not physical in anyway. I showed up to his house(to which I still had a key) to find my "best friend" there and after she rushed out, my ex and I had a shouting match in the yard so he called the cops- I left on foot but was arrested for threatening.
Since then, I have not been in trouble until this restraining order. My ex and I might have made lousy relationship partners, but we've always been good co-parents for our 15 year old daughter, who is diagnosed with NOS PDD. She has a developmental delay, IEP and is in a life skills class at the public high school. When he filed the restraining order, he and I could no longer speak on anything but the time of child exchange. HE began telling my daughter that she didnt have to do anything I said. She stopped getting off the bus at my house and continued on to his (we live a mile apart on the same road) to enjoy all of the electronic components he buys her on his large salary with no adult to regulate her usage or ensure she is safe at home. He doesnt come home from work til 5:30, past practice has her coming to my house afterschool, eating dinner and drop off was typically 7pm. I work midnights, so my daughter will always have someone home for her. I must mention, I am from California. I have no family or close knit friends outside of my ex's family. When my ex's restraining got extended for a year, I lost it. I lost any sense of family or trust..hope. I violated the restraining order with a suicide note. I reached rock bottom. I voluntarily went to ER for an eval, was out a couple hours later. I remain speaking to my therapist I've had for years. I am on the mend. He however, proceeded to berate me via text because I believed it was in everyone's best interest to exchange at the police department. It inconvenienced him, he said, adding that our daughter didnt ike it, I spoke with her and she had no objections. Meeting at the PD became a huge issue for him. He added on the RO that contact can be made at his residence, yet at the top of the RO paperwork I had to stay away. The PD Sgt advised me that my ex was setting me up. He emphasized the importance of meeting at the PD.
After twoo weeks of meeting at the PD, he and my "friend" came to my work in the middle of the night, leaving my daughter alone an hour away and took the car my ex financed for me (I made the payments) right out of the parking lot. I am 911 dispatcher, I worked a twelve hour shift and was looking forward to seeing my daughter, I had bought tickets to a play in Boston. I went to the parking lot..saw the car was gone..texted to my ex "Isnt it enough you two are together? The car too?? Really??" Restraining order violation #2.
Nine months ago I met a man I got along with incredibly well. He revealed that he was once an avid practicing alcoholic and hanging with the wrong crowd when he and a 16 year old girl "made out". He has to register as a SO in a neighboring state for two misdemeanor violations of assault on a teen. My ex had knowledge of this as soon as I found out. I sought counsel with his therapist who assured me he is not a reoffender. My ex seemed fine, I kept an eye out while my daughter was around and I too believe to this day he is not a reoffender. NH state law instructs him to submit the address of any residence where he might be 5 times in any 30 period. My address, along with his mother's address was one of them posted online.
My ex began had already begun binge drinking with his new tart. I saw him on three occassions driving drunk while my daughter was at his house alone past bar closing hours. I could not reach him as a friend, coparent, so I reached out to Dept of Children and Families to help provide services as my daughter was spending so much time alone, she was beginning to hear voices that would console her when she was lonely. In retaliation, my ex recently, nine months later, filed for and was granted temp sole custody due to my bf's status. In spite of me explaining to his lawyer and the social worker (I could not afford a lawyer) during mediation that I would end the relationship immediately. That my ex was undermining me, telling her she did not have to mind me, or speak to me on the phone if she didnt want to. She has full reign to his house while he is gone onany given night. I am no longer able to provide a full dinner to her as I used to, nor conversations about her school, friends, crushes, discuss her "voices", get her to therapy etc. I can only meet her at a prearranged restaurant two times a week. The day the order was granted in my ex's favor, I terminated the relationship with my bf and have been alone. I had to use any money I was saving for legal re[presentation, on an immediate car purchase to save my job. I have not had any contact with my bf, nor do I desire to.
Now my ex is again not happy. He is requesting that I agree to meet at different locations then the ones prescribed by the court. He lies to me about my daughter's schedule when I have to request to reschedule a meeting time/day due to work or inclement weather. He allows our dughter to not bathe (always a special ed issue), interact or socialize with anyone other than online friends. She is left alone for at least 8 hours a day on snow days and vacation when there is a perfectly good mother down the road.
I cannot afford a lawyer, what else besides ditching the SO bf, can I do to get my daughter back to the way it used to be? It worked so well for her. I feel like I am being bullied with his demands to stray from the court order..HELP??!!