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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Mount Airy, North Carolina, United States
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    3

    Default Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

    Ok, this is a lot. So here goes. My cousin married this man that had two kids. The youngest is no longer in their custody, while the oldest is. About 6 months ago I came for a visit to my grandmothers, whom they live with. What I seen was unbelievable. At the time, he was nine years old. I seen heavy verbal abuse from both parents, the kid is actually very scared of them, and I haven't gotten along with the parents that great because of their choices. Since then, I have decided to try my best to adopt the child. At first, I just asked if I could adopt, I was met with some hostillity, but, I was determined. So I just flat out said, what would it take. My cousin wanted me to pay her $3000 and she would sign papers over to me. I was actually very shocked. I still have those messages as proof for future reference. Now the kid is 10 years old, me and the parents got in to it over another matter. Now I want to take them to court. I first talked to a guy from CPS in a different county, where I live. He told me to file a report but start with the BIG things first, like her trying to sell me the kid. Here are the biggies.

    Trying to sell me the kid. He is 10, and they still bath him, as in they will not let him bath his self. Personally, I think there some sexual abuse going because I have seen them bath together, the child and the parent, appropiate for a toddler maybe, but not a 10 year old. My sister-in-law that lives across the street has caught the parents watching porn, with the child. They keep the child in the bedroom %90 of the time, he can't go outside to play, or visit with company. They decide when he eats or drinks, even if he is hungry or not; like if he isn't hungry, they force him with yelling and threats to eat.

    Comparatively. Me vs the parents.

    I have a full time job, I am in college full time. I am almost finished with my 2 year degree in Auto Systems Tech. I have no criminal record. I can support myself. I have a drivers license. I have two vehicles with access to a 3rd when I need 4wd. I am Christian raised. I am GREAT with kids and I can show many statements from parents that I am. I did have my own place, but I am currently living with parents. The only negative about me from a official paperwork viewpoint, is my driving record. The usual speeding tickets. Nothing major.

    The parents, always depend on others. No job. No education. No license. No vehicle. They do not have their own place. Living off of welfare.



    I am planning on going to my grandmothers to stay for about a month or two, to help a different matter, but while I am there, I will be working on building me a strong case. I want to take the parents to court, and get FULL custody of this child, without the chance of them ever getting him back. This kid ADORES me and has even said he wants to go home with me, and it just urkes me there is so much politics involved.



    Help. Advice. Do I need a lawyer?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Taking Custody of My Cousin Husband's Kid

    That's just not going to happen unless BOTH parents agree to you having custody. If that happens, either or both STILL have the right to change their mind at any point.

    You need to understand that you simply don't trump Mom & Dad.

    If you are going to cite abuse, you'll need to get child services involved. Mom & Dad will have at least one chance at turning it around.

    The court doesn't care that you're a good parent. Why? Because the parents have an absolute right to parent their children the way they see fit, outside of abject neglect or abuse.

    Remember, this isn't a parent vs. parent case. This is a third party vs. parents case and to overcome the presumption that both parents are fit is massive.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Mount Airy, North Carolina, United States
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Taking Custody of My Cousin Husband's Kid

    I may be able to convince them to sign the papers. I am known to have a relentless determination. I could be dirty about it and present them with all the evidence I have, and if they do sign papers. Good, if they don't, I'll go to dss. That could be one way. But this child needs better and will get better than this, no matter the approach.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    671

    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Quote Quoting James Harmon
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    My cousin married this man that had two kids.
    Given that this apparently not even the cousin's child, she has absolutely no standing to agree to anything. Where is his mother? Maybe you should be contacting her regarding her son's living situation.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Quote Quoting jumanji
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    Given that this apparently not even the cousin's child, she has absolutely no standing to agree to anything. Where is his mother? Maybe you should be contacting her regarding her son's living situation.

    Agreed.

    It's also just a tad hypocritical to use your religion as a reason why you should get custody - and in the next breath talk about dirty tricks.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Mount Airy, North Carolina, United States
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    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Agreed.

    It's also just a tad hypocritical to use your religion as a reason why you should get custody - and in the next breath talk about dirty tricks.
    I'm just trying to put out there options. I'm not using my religion for anything or did i rant on about it. I only said I was Christian raised, therefore I would know it is inappropriate to bath WITH or to GIVE a 10 year old a bath, and to be honest, I don't believe in religion. Not going to discuss that here, that is not the issue. The issue is, this child needs and deserves better. I have wondered if the bio mother still has her parental rights. This is also on my to do list when I go down this weekend. Last I heard she was in prison for drugs...i think. That has been several years ago. I have spent time with the kid since he was 3, I am referred to him as his uncle, that's how it is.

    Also, what would it take to prove I have a parent-like relationship with the child?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    201

    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Based on reading the statue s the grandmother who they live with has a better chance of getting custody than the OP

    Here is what NC gives as a definition of parental relationship.
    North Carolina law recognizes two grounds for a non-parent’s standing to seek custody against a parent:

    The non-parent has a parent-like relationship with the child; or
    The non-parent has a biological or adoptive relationship with the child and there are allegations of abuse, neglect, unfitness, etc. against the parent.
    To establish the first ground, the non-parent must allege facts showing that he or she has assumed parental duties for the child for some period of time and has an emotional attachment to the child. For example, this may be shown if the non-parent:

    Takes the child to school,
    Attends parent-teacher conferences;
    Teaches the child,
    Buys the child all of her or his clothes and other necessities; and/or
    Takes the child to medical and dental appointments.
    To establish the second ground, the non-parent must allege a biological relationship (such as being the child’s grandparent, aunt, or uncle) and must also allege facts relating to abuse or neglect of the child by the parent – for example, a parent’s failure to provide a safe or suitable home for the child, or the parent’s emotional instability.
    http://www.rosen.com/childcustody/ca...d-non-parents/

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Quote Quoting James Harmon
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    I'm just trying to put out there options. I'm not using my religion for anything or did i rant on about it. I only said I was Christian raised, therefore I would know it is inappropriate to bath WITH or to GIVE a 10 year old a bath, and to be honest, I don't believe in religion. Not going to discuss that here, that is not the issue. The issue is, this child needs and deserves better. I have wondered if the bio mother still has her parental rights. This is also on my to do list when I go down this weekend. Last I heard she was in prison for drugs...i think. That has been several years ago. I have spent time with the kid since he was 3, I am referred to him as his uncle, that's how it is.

    Also, what would it take to prove I have a parent-like relationship with the child?
    Live with the child and help raise the child.

    You're not in a parental relationship. You don't have standing to do anything at this point in time.

    Do you understand that your stance on 10 year olds and baths is completely irrelevant?

    Back to having standing though. You're not biologically related. That in itself closes the matter for you.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    4,494

    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    Quote Quoting James Harmon
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    They decide when he eats or drinks, even if he is hungry or not; like if he isn't hungry, they force him with yelling and threats to eat.
    Geez... 18 years on this earth and virtually every day of my child's lie I decided what he ate and when he ate. The kitchen opened and closed at a certain hour and guess what happened if you didn't eat when I told you to? When you got hungry, you didn't eat! If you refused to eat what was on your plate, you went hungry and the next meal you'd find that same meal right in front of you.

    I even forced him to eat some stuff he didn't like! OH, THE HORROR

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Can You Get Custody of a Child Who is Poorly Parented

    what would it take to prove I have a parent-like relationship with the child?

    Doesn't matter. A parent-like relationship means zip in court. To have any kind of standing at all, you need an actual relationship, as in matching DNA.

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