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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
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    Default Why Did I Lose My Custody Case

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas
    Yesterday I lost in court to my now ex wife in who has primary custody of the kids. I felt like my lawyer didnt present nearly all the evidence that we had against her in respect to the amount of men she had in and out of their lives as well as the lack of care she was giving. I went first in testimony and told only the truth and what I was asked and my ex wife when called continued to lie the whole time. Though I may be in the wrong in one very big aspect of things, I feel a lot of the things weren't precedent and judged by my lawyer due to time restraints. Basically what I want to know is if I have grounds for appeal and if I should get another lawyer for the following reasons.

    Our defense:
    I was able to show that I had the kids the majority of the time with visual graphs.

    I showed that I had them every weekend and a good majority of the time before she left

    My ex wife claimed that I forced her to be a "swinger" and made her go out and have sex with others. We did have discussions about swinging, but I never forced her and she was the only one who participated in the act. Most of the time without my knowledge and with me finding out about multiple affairs.

    I was asked tons of questions pertaining to assets that we didnt own by their lawyer. My mother owns our house and vehicles and always had and would. This was shown by the judge and upheld

    I showed that my current girlfriend and her children are living with me and pregnant. I realize this hurt me very bad in the case, but we have also been separated for over 8 months and the pregnancy wasnt planned.

    Her best friend from the previous year testified that she thought I was the better parent and that my ex was always out with her doing other things. They were always going out of town or to bars, starbucks, hanging out at each others house ect.

    My ex also had an affair with a man from the local animal shelter and we were able to show that and the judge told her he didnt believe that the affair started after we separated. I was able to testify that I found out about the affair and it was one of the reasons we separated.

    We called a kennel attendant that wasnt much help because she wouldnt tell the truth. This same attendant confessed to me when I found out about the affair that it had been going on in front of the kids for months. I was unable to show this when I testified.

    I also showed that I payed for my ex;s apartment for 6 months until she got a house($940 a month). The house she moved into is owned by one of her many boyfreinds. I have proof that the man bought the house the day she moved in. My lawyer didnt present this even though I kept asking. She claimed that the freind was a in real-estate, but that was the only property I could find he owned in out whole county. Also she has only known this man for roughly 4 months.

    I also payed out other things to her over the course of this 6 months as support. The sum was about $10,000 and I was able to say that in court.

    Hers and my mother both testified that they were not allowed to see the kids for long periods of time because of her. Mine for 1 year and hers for almost 4 years. Our lawyer advised us to not elaborate about things and to keep it simple. By doing this both grandparents didnt go into detail about the mental abuse that my ex would do to our kids.

    I also presented that my daughters would get very upset on many occasions right before we traded off kids.

    Her defense

    That I forced her to swing and that I made her go out all the time. I was unable to refute that because of time restraints.

    That I was unable to do thing like the kids homework because Im a bad speller. I had always done their homework prior to this and she wouldn't allow me to do their homework after the separation.

    She basically just said that my calendar wasnt accurate and they left it at that. Keep in mind that at the beginning of the separation she was going out every night in order to meet up with her boyfriend while I had the kids.

    My ex constantly cried about things such as being a good mother and trying to only take care of her kids. She claimed to not be in any relationships even though other men are paying for every aspect of her life.

    I felt the judge sided with her because I didnt get up there and make an emotional statement. I told the truth and showed myself as the primary care giver of the kids up until this point


    I feel like there is so much we weren't allowed to say because of time restraints and she was allowed to lie without me being able to follow up and dispute her lies. The judge told us that we were both unfit parents and that I was unfit because I forced her to swing, which was untrue and I was unable to say anything. He also said he changed his mind about 5 times throughout testimony and that I lost at the very end. The very end was her emotional cry out.

    Some key points:
    I have the house the kids grew up in
    I have worked for the same company since 2004
    I adopted our oldest daughter at age 5 and played dad since age 2
    I started to allow both grandparents to see the kids immediately after separation(there case was that they were on my side because I allowed them to see them)
    I didnt meet my girlfriend until after we separated and it was due to my ex constantly pushing for me to move on.
    I filed for divorce almost 3 moths after separation
    My ex and I were not a family unit since roughly January of 2013 but didn't really separate until June
    There were multiple men and a woman(her friend from highschool) who she had affairs with. Didnt get to mention that friend admitted this to me
    We had multiple pictures of her out at biker rallies partying(my lawyer didnt submit them)
    We had pictures she took of her self partially nude that I pulled off a SD card she left behind. Theres are pictures I had never seen(wernt submitted)
    We had tons of phone records showing she had been spending most of her time texting and on the phone while in possession of the kids(not submitted)

    Theres so much more that I could keep going for awhile. Please leave your thoughts and I will try and add to it based on that.

    Thank you for reading!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,474

    Default Re: How Did I Lose

    You cannot add new evidence in an appeal. You can only appeal if you can legally demonstrate that the judge either made an error of law or abused his discretion. Based on what you described here he did neither.

    Also, most of your key points were things that would not have been particularly relevant or helpful to you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: How Did I Lose

    Well they argued over assets that I do not have with me the whole time. They didnt show anything about me that was bad other than the fact that I have a new girlfriend. They did however make a few false claims that I disputed on the stand about me forcing her to do different things. We had a good amount of proof that she was having affairs that effected the children but my lawyer didnt get enough time to talk about that. Time restraints made it very difficult to go over everything she was doing around the children since they only gave us 2.5 hours total.

    She had affairs were she left the state. She also missed out on one of the children birthday parties because she was crying on the phone with her sexual partner earlier on in our marriage. That she was out constantly at bars and other events while I was taking care of the kids. This was all brought up in court with multiple people testifying on my behalf. Then she broke down and cried at the end and that seemed to be the reason the judge ruled in her favor. He even stated that he changed his ruling at the very end.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,474

    Default Re: How Did I Lose

    Quote Quoting Ksearcy
    View Post
    Well they argued over assets that I do not have with me the whole time. They didnt show anything about me that was bad other than the fact that I have a new girlfriend. They did however make a few false claims that I disputed on the stand about me forcing her to do different things. We had a good amount of proof that she was having affairs that effected the children but my lawyer didnt get enough time to talk about that. Time restraints made it very difficult to go over everything she was doing around the children since they only gave us 2.5 hours total.

    She had affairs were she left the state. She also missed out on one of the children birthday parties because she was crying on the phone with her sexual partner earlier on in our marriage. That she was out constantly at bars and other events while I was taking care of the kids. This was all brought up in court with multiple people testifying on my behalf. Then she broke down and cried at the end and that seemed to be the reason the judge ruled in her favor. He even stated that he changed his ruling at the very end.
    It doesn't matter. You still cannot bring up new evidence on appeal. You can only appeal if you can prove that the judge made an error of law or abused his discretion. By all means get a consult with an experienced appellate attorney if you want to go the distance, but be prepared to spend a significant amount of money.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: How Did I Lose

    Quote Quoting Ksearcy
    View Post
    Well they argued over assets that I do not have with me the whole time. They didnt show anything about me that was bad other than the fact that I have a new girlfriend. They did however make a few false claims that I disputed on the stand about me forcing her to do different things. We had a good amount of proof that she was having affairs that effected the children but my lawyer didnt get enough time to talk about that. Time restraints made it very difficult to go over everything she was doing around the children since they only gave us 2.5 hours total.

    She had affairs were she left the state. She also missed out on one of the children birthday parties because she was crying on the phone with her sexual partner earlier on in our marriage. That she was out constantly at bars and other events while I was taking care of the kids. This was all brought up in court with multiple people testifying on my behalf. Then she broke down and cried at the end and that seemed to be the reason the judge ruled in her favor. He even stated that he changed his ruling at the very end.
    Sounds like Mom was more credible at the end of the day.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    1,991

    Default Re: How Did I Lose

    in respect to the amount of men she had in and out of their lives
    you brought that up, while living with your pregnant girlfriend?

    I think i have an idea as to why you lost.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
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    Default Re: Why Did I Lose My Custody Case

    Quote Quoting Ksearcy
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas
    Yesterday I lost in court to my now ex wife in who has primary custody of the kids. I felt like my lawyer didnt present nearly all the evidence that we had against her in respect to the amount of men she had in and out of their lives as well as the lack of care she was giving. I went first in testimony and told only the truth and what I was asked and my ex wife when called continued to lie the whole time. Though I may be in the wrong in one very big aspect of things, I feel a lot of the things weren't precedent and judged by my lawyer due to time restraints. Basically what I want to know is if I have grounds for appeal and if I should get another lawyer for the following reasons.
    Well, let's take it step by step.


    Our defense:
    I was able to show that I had the kids the majority of the time with visual graphs.

    I showed that I had them every weekend and a good majority of the time before she left
    Not as big of an issue as you think.


    My ex wife claimed that I forced her to be a "swinger" and made her go out and have sex with others. We did have discussions about swinging, but I never forced her and she was the only one who participated in the act. Most of the time without my knowledge and with me finding out about multiple affairs.
    "Most of the time" without your knowledge? In other words, there were times where you did have knowledge? Your gun just misfired hugely.
    I was asked tons of questions pertaining to assets that we didnt own by their lawyer. My mother owns our house and vehicles and always had and would. This was shown by the judge and upheld
    Not sure why this is relevant at all, but okay.


    I showed that my current girlfriend and her children are living with me and pregnant. I realize this hurt me very bad in the case, but we have also been separated for over 8 months and the pregnancy wasnt planned.
    Well, that pretty much wipes out any credibility in terms of you complaining that Mom had affairs - you admitted that you actually KNEW at times, yet did nothing (which can be seen as you condoning the behavior).


    Her best friend from the previous year testified that she thought I was the better parent and that my ex was always out with her doing other things. They were always going out of town or to bars, starbucks, hanging out at each others house ect.
    How would she know that you were the better parent? She obviously wasn't there 24/7, but moreover, hanging out and going to Starbucks does not mean that Mom is a lesser parent or you are the better parent. I believe your credibility took a hit here, too.



    My ex also had an affair with a man from the local animal shelter and we were able to show that and the judge told her he didnt believe that the affair started after we separated. I was able to testify that I found out about the affair and it was one of the reasons we separated.
    See previous responses.


    We called a kennel attendant that wasnt much help because she wouldnt tell the truth. This same attendant confessed to me when I found out about the affair that it had been going on in front of the kids for months. I was unable to show this when I testified.
    Hence it's a non-issue.


    I also showed that I payed for my ex;s apartment for 6 months until she got a house($940 a month). The house she moved into is owned by one of her many boyfreinds. I have proof that the man bought the house the day she moved in. My lawyer didnt present this even though I kept asking. She claimed that the freind was a in real-estate, but that was the only property I could find he owned in out whole county. Also she has only known this man for roughly 4 months.
    Uh...dude? Your girlfriend is pregnant. Seriously, it's beginning to look very very clear why you didn't prevail.


    I also payed out other things to her over the course of this 6 months as support. The sum was about $10,000 and I was able to say that in court.
    Likely not relevant


    Hers and my mother both testified that they were not allowed to see the kids for long periods of time because of her. Mine for 1 year and hers for almost 4 years. Our lawyer advised us to not elaborate about things and to keep it simple.
    Your attorney sounds smart, actually. Trying to save your butt.

    By doing this both grandparents didnt go into detail about the mental abuse that my ex would do to our kids.
    Given that the grandparents are not experts (and neither are you), none of you can prove mental abuse.


    I also presented that my daughters would get very upset on many occasions right before we traded off kids.
    Of course they will. Their parents are getting divorced!


    Her defense

    That I forced her to swing and that I made her go out all the time. I was unable to refute that because of time restraints.
    Truthfully, she's sounding more credible than you - in a big way.


    That I was unable to do thing like the kids homework because Im a bad speller. I had always done their homework prior to this and she wouldn't allow me to do their homework after the separation.
    This is just silly.


    She basically just said that my calendar wasnt accurate and they left it at that. Keep in mind that at the beginning of the separation she was going out every night in order to meet up with her boyfriend while I had the kids.
    Okay.


    My ex constantly cried about things such as being a good mother and trying to only take care of her kids. She claimed to not be in any relationships even though other men are paying for every aspect of her life.
    So she has generous friends.


    I felt the judge sided with her because I didnt get up there and make an emotional statement. I told the truth and showed myself as the primary care giver of the kids up until this point
    I'm not seeing where you were the primary caregiver.



    I feel like there is so much we weren't allowed to say because of time restraints and she was allowed to lie without me being able to follow up and dispute her lies. The judge told us that we were both unfit parents and that I was unfit because I forced her to swing, which was untrue and I was unable to say anything. He also said he changed his mind about 5 times throughout testimony and that I lost at the very end. The very end was her emotional cry out.
    Sounds the judge got tired of the entire situation - and let's face it, this had to be one of the most petty and tiresome cases s/he has dealt with.

    Some key points:
    I have the house the kids grew up in
    I have worked for the same company since 2004
    I adopted our oldest daughter at age 5 and played dad since age 2
    I started to allow both grandparents to see the kids immediately after separation(there case was that they were on my side because I allowed them to see them)
    Completely irrelevant.

    I didnt meet my girlfriend until after we separated and it was due to my ex constantly pushing for me to move on.
    I filed for divorce almost 3 moths after separation
    And this is why you needed to have kept your mouth shut about her indiscretions.

    My ex and I were not a family unit since roughly January of 2013 but didn't really separate until June
    There were multiple men and a woman(her friend from highschool) who she had affairs with. Didnt get to mention that friend admitted this to me
    We had multiple pictures of her out at biker rallies partying(my lawyer didnt submit them)
    Your lawyer is smart. Evidently s/he knew that it's an incredibly petty issue that won't do much except antagonize an already-pissy judge.

    We had pictures she took of her self partially nude that I pulled off a SD card she left behind. Theres are pictures I had never seen(wernt submitted)
    Lawyer being smart again. Why on earth do you think this is relevant?

    We had tons of phone records showing she had been spending most of her time texting and on the phone while in possession of the kids(not submitted)
    See previous response.

    Theres so much more that I could keep going for awhile. Please leave your thoughts and I will try and add to it based on that.

    Thank you for reading!
    I'm going to make this really simple.

    You had no credibility at all. You tried to raise silly issues, and you really focused WAY too much on Mom's indiscretions.

    I'm not surprised the judge was irritated.

    You sunk yourself basically.

    I think your attorney tried really hard to make your case more factual and less...well..petty.

    The bottom line is that Mom came across as more credible (seriously dude, the courts don't give a flying ferret fart whether Mom goes to biker bars, takes half-clothed selfies, and likes Starbucks).

    I see no errors made by the judge, and I see no errors made by your attorney.

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