Father Moved Out of State, Mother Cannot Afford Visits

[drthyrd]

Parents making substantially less than you are ordered to pay hundreds per month in child support. You might consider talking with a financial planner (or looking up some online data) and creating a budget to help you save for the plane tickets for the visits. Or you could also insist the current visitation schedule be honored and cut down the number of flights. You didn't state what city in TN your ex lives in, but there is a great shuttle service in TN between the major airports (Nashville, Chattanooga, even Atlanta, GA) so you might have more flight possibilties than you realized. I have to agree with the other posters that if you attempted to go to court and ask Dad to pay for more, when you aren't supporting your son financially, this has all sorts of ways to backfire. And while I appreciate the feeling that you were treated unjustly, this is still your son and you should be supporting him both emotionally and financially.

[OHWYAZOHCAAZ]

He flies Delta and is REQUIRED by law to fly UM until he is 15.

Yes. You missed something. Father took son from California, moved to Toronto, Canada. It is irrelevant that I moved to Arizona AFTER he left California. I was not originally from CA and was only living there after the divorce because of shared custody of our son. I have a daughter who lived in Arizona and after my son moved away, I decided to move closer to my daughter.

[Dogmatique]

Read here: http://airconsumer.ost.dot.gov/publi.../KidsAlone.pdf

(It's actually not law. It comes down to the airline itself)

No, it's not irrelevant that you moved. It's really not. You might think it is, and you might want it to be, but legally the court can and likely will take note of the fact you BOTH moved.

[OHWYAZOHCAAZ]

Parents making substantially less than you are ordered to pay hundreds per month in child support. You might consider talking with a financial planner (or looking up some online data) and creating a budget to help you save for the plane tickets for the visits. Or you could also insist the current visitation schedule be honored and cut down the number of flights. You didn't state what city in TN your ex lives in, but there is a great shuttle service in TN between the major airports (Nashville, Chattanooga, even Atlanta, GA) so you might have more flight possibilties than you realized. I have to agree with the other posters that if you attempted to go to court and ask Dad to pay for more, when you aren't supporting your son financially, this has all sorts of ways to backfire. And while I appreciate the feeling that you were treated unjustly, this is still your son and you should be supporting him both emotionally and financially.

My son flies in and out of the Memphis Intl airport, believe me--I search for the best rates possible!

I understand there are parents who make less than I am and are being ordered to pay hundreds per month in child support, but there a variety of circumstances that are taken into consideration when child support is calculated. The amount each parent has to pay is calculated through a standard calculator and it was determined that my income versus his, resulted in the financial support (or absence of) that would be paid. I am not trying to shrug off any kind of responsibilities I have to my child...I financially support our son for approximately 3 months a year when he is with me. Relative to our respective salaries, this is how it worked out.

I feel like people responding to my post are not really reading what it says. I bring home 2K a month; my rent is $975 (a very modest 3 bd/2 ba house), car ins is $109, renters ins is $33, electric on "equal pay" is $117, water, sewer, trash averages $80, phone, internet, basic cable $100, cell phone $100, fuel for my car averages $125, food and groceries $200-300. I use the VA (as a veteran) for my healthcare as I can't even afford health insurance through my employer. I set aside $150 a month for a retirement fund as after my divorce I used my entire 401k to pay off any outstanding debt I had to improve my strained financial situation. I am currently debt free.

[Dogmatique]

My son flies in and out of the Memphis Intl airport, believe me--I search for the best rates possible!

I understand there are parents who make less than I am and are being ordered to pay hundreds per month in child support, but there a variety of circumstances that are taken into consideration when child support is calculated. The amount each parent has to pay is calculated through a standard calculator and it was determined that my income versus his, resulted in the financial support (or absence of) that would be paid. I am not trying to shrug off any kind of responsibilities I have to my child...I financially support our son for approximately 3 months a year when he is with me. Relative to our respective salaries, this is how it worked out.

I feel like people responding to my post are not really reading what it says. I bring home 2K a month; my rent is $975 (a very modest 3 bd/2 ba house), car ins is $109, renters ins is $33, electric on "equal pay" is $117, water, sewer, trash averages $80, phone, internet, basic cable $100, cell phone $100, fuel for my car averages $125, food and groceries $200-300. I use the VA (as a veteran) for my healthcare as I can't even afford health insurance through my employer. I set aside $150 a month for a retirement fund as after my divorce I used my entire 401k to pay off any outstanding debt I had to improve my strained financial situation. I am currently debt free.

People are reading your thread, fully. It's just that much of what you're saying doesn't actually come into play and when it does, there's a good chance that it won't be in your favor.

Sometimes we have to downsize immensely; this means no internet, no basic cable, and a prepaid cell phone. We have to do what it takes.

There's no easy answer to this, and there's no guarantee that Dad will be ordered to pay transportation costs.

What's really concerning me though, is this. Dad was allowed to relocate with your son not just out of state, but out of the country. It's not that I necessarily believe that parents will do all manner of underhanded thing in order to get their own way...well, okay, it is. But regardless, and you're the only person who can really answer this, if you take this to court, is Dad going to attempt to relocate your son again? The court ruled in his favor once.

[llworking]

Read here: http://airconsumer.ost.dot.gov/publi.../KidsAlone.pdf

(It's actually not law. It comes down to the airline itself)

No, it's not irrelevant that you moved. It's really not. You might think it is, and you might want it to be, but legally the court can and likely will take note of the fact you BOTH moved.

I am a bit confused by this statement.

Mom's move was a much shorter distance and actually brought her a bit closer to the locations where dad has been with the child. (first Toronto, Ontario, and now TN).

[Disagreeable]

$428 round trip. Don't break the bank.

[drthyrd]

People are reading your thread, fully. It's just that much of what you're saying doesn't actually come into play and when it does, there's a good chance that it won't be in your favor.
Sometimes we have to downsize immensely; this means no internet, no basic cable, and a prepaid cell phone. We have to do what it takes.
There's no easy answer to this, and there's no guarantee that Dad will be ordered to pay transportation costs.

This is my thought exactly. What if OP goes to court and is required to cover all transportation. What if OP goes to court and is required to cover all transportation and pay child support? Since neither parent is in CA, isn’t it possible Dad could request TN be the new jurisdiction? OP would have to consider both the cost of going to court (and with dad making greater than 6 figures, I sure as heck hope she is not considering going up pro se against his lawyer) and the possibility that she could end up with less than she currently has against the cost of paying for some flights for the next 4 years. And while I understand what she said, that her share, given the income disparity, was that she care for the child fully for the 3 months he is in her care, I still think she should contribute more.
My thoughts = hill of beans.... but who knows what the judge's thoughts might be. And she might want to the plug the figures in a TN worksheet to see what TN might think...

What's really concerning me though, is this. Dad was allowed to relocate with your son not just out of state, but out of the country. It's not that I necessarily believe that parents will do all manner of underhanded thing in order to get their own way...well, okay, it is. But regardless, and you're the only person who can really answer this, if you take this to court, is Dad going to attempt to relocate your son again? The court ruled in his favor once.

Exactly again. When I read the initial post I thought it was sad that Dad relied on this OP to care for the child while he pursued his career full force traveling extensively and then once he suitably advanced his career (and in the corporate world moves are often an essential component for promotions and international assignments a huge advantage) he came back after mom with all his earning power. OUCH! But it doesn’t change that the situation is what it is. It is sad too because I wouldn’t recommend this OP do anything like moving to TN to get closer to the child because Dad’s history of moves makes it likely he might move again.

I have a lot of empathy for this OP, but nothing she has presented would make me, if I were a judge, order Dad to pay for her travel or to pay for more of the child’s travel than he already is. The fact he earns more doesn't mean she shouldn't support the child.

[OHWYAZOHCAAZ]

The court ruled in his favor once.

The court didn't actually rule in his favor. I stipulated to him taking him because I was not able to afford going to trial.

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Thank you so much for your insight. I needed an objective opinion and although it's not what I'd like to hear, it's what I needed to hear.