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  1. #1

    Default Should You Pay Child Support Before it's Ordered by a Court

    My question involves child support in the State of: California (Butte County - Chico)

    I just had a baby w/ my ex boyfriend last week. This is our first child together and first child period (no prior children from prior relationships). My ex keeps trying to get me to accept a money order of $200 every two weeks for our newborn son. I don't feel comfortable taking it for a few serious and cautious reasons and I've stated this to him but I smell something fishy about his true intentions. I don't believe his reasons or intentions are noble or honorable, rather he's trying something sneaky & looking out only for himself.

    1. I feel that $200 every two weeks, which is $400 per month is too little, he makes between $50K to $55K and can afford to give way more! Between $700 & $900! What would be the estimated child support payment, assuming he'll only have visitation for the next couple of years while the baby & him build a bond and the baby is on my health insurance through my employer?

    2. He is unrealiable, and I feel like if I accept this low ball offer for a couple of months that he'll simply stop making payments or will not make payments on time or rountinely and I'll still have to take him through the court system. Especially b/c we DO NOT get along AT ALL or see eye-to-eye on absolutely anything. Will a judge take the child support payment straight out of his paycheck? If not, how can we establish this from the get go?

    3. He lies too much about everything and I distrust his intentions and I feel that child support payments should be established by a judge through the court. I rather everything be dealt w/ through legal avenues (even if I dont have a lawyer b/c I cant afford one). I spent $3000 on baby needs (crib, stroller, car seat and other baby related essentials which I have recpts for), and I feel that my ex should reimburse me for half the cost ($1500). Will the court establish this reimbursment payment, on top of the child support payment my ex will need to pay?

    4. Lastly, I've heard that if I accept & cash any child support checks or money orders from him (established by us and not through the court system) that if/when I take him through the court system the judge will simply go w/ the amount my ex and I established. Is this true?


    Any more information and feedback is welcome and needed.

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: My Ex Wants to Pay Me $ W/O Establishing an Order Via Court System

    Go ahead and take it until you file. Support is not usually ordered retroactive. Definitely file. If he disappears, he will have a fixed obligation by the court.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: My Ex Wants to Pay Me $ W/O Establishing an Order Via Court System

    Yeap - go and file. Believe it or not, court orders actually protect all of you.

    You can run some numbers here: http://www.childsup.ca.gov/Resources...ldSupport.aspx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    582

    Default Re: My Ex Wants to Pay Me $ W/O Establishing an Order Via Court System

    I had a similar type of arrangement at first. I am very grateful I have a court ordered child support order in place now. The court found that other parent was able to pay much more in child support than what I was getting from our informal agreement. The court also addressed health insurance, medical bills and child care, which were not part of our informal agreement.


    It may take take a year you to get a court order. You can file with the state versus hiring an attorney. In the meantime, its ok to accept payments, just keep track of them.

    There are a lot of posts on this subject. It always helps to see what others say.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: My Ex Wants to Pay Me $ W/O Establishing an Order Via Court System

    What you think he can afford is irrelevant. Wow. I don't see $900 as likely, though I don't know all of your numbers.

    What he wants to pay is irrelevant too. Whatever he's sending you now won't be used to establish whatever number is ordered.

    You almost surely won't get reimbursement for half of the $3000 you spent, and honestly you shouldn't.

    What you should do, and should have done already, is filed a petition for support. Considering you didn't already, you should be grateful because he doesn't have to give you a cent.

    IF he doesn't pay and builds up arrears, THEN you can ask for an income witholding order.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: My Ex Wants to Pay Me $ W/O Establishing an Order Via Court System

    Quote Quoting FatherWhoWon
    View Post
    What you think he can afford is irrelevant. Wow. I don't see $900 as likely, though I don't know all of your numbers.

    What he wants to pay is irrelevant too. Whatever he's sending you now won't be used to establish whatever number is ordered.

    You almost surely won't get reimbursement for half of the $3000 you spent, and honestly you shouldn't.

    What you should do, and should have done already, is filed a petition for support. Considering you didn't already, you should be grateful because he doesn't have to give you a cent.

    IF he doesn't pay and builds up arrears, THEN you can ask for an income witholding order.
    In most states these days the income withholding order is automatic from the get go. Even if you BOTH don't want an income withholding order, the state forces it on you.

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