Dispute Over Minor Traveling Alone

[Hemann]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: WA. I was divorced over 8 yrs ago from my ex and since I was active duty military I gave him primary physical custody of our daughter. I am the mom, he is the dad. Since we have been divorced I have deployed 7 times with various 1 month departures amongst the deployments as well. We have an existing visitation order and I have never missed a child support payment. Because of my military duties, visitation has not been like clockwork for the past 4 years as 5 of those deployments happened in that timeframe. My last deployment lasted a year and then upon return I immediately transferred out of state. I tried to stay in WA but there weren't any orders in the state at the time. I have seen my daughter once in a year and a half. I have tried contacting my ex about her coming for this last Christmas and he refused to acknowledge my texts. He did contact me in October to let me know he and his fiancé and my daughter were coming through California on vacation and wanted to know if I wanted to see her. I said absolutely and then never heard back from him. Now I have requested to have her for the 4 weeks I am supposed to have her for in the summer and now he is refusing to allow her to fly as an unaccompanied minor on the airlines, I mean they are escorted everywhere. She is going to be almost 11 by this summer. She isn't even going to daycare anymore after school. I think she can handle being escorted by an Alaskan airlines employee. My other daughter has travelled the same way way perfectly fine. I think he is just trying to be difficult. Our parenting plan only states cost when it comes to transportation and anything over 100 miles would be discussed at that time by the parents. Does he have the right to not give me my visitation because he doesn't want her to fly as an escorted minor? I am hesitant to ask for a modification since I will moving back up to the NW in 18 mos when i retire from the military. He is expecting me to make the 2 day drive up there and back here and then back up and down to take her back. I can't do that and he knows it. He refuses any shared cost for transportation although the PP states it is supposed to be shared. His philosophy is that it was my choice so I pay. I also think my daughter is being neglected. When I saw her this summer she had imaginary friends and talked to herself a lot. She also expressed extreme surprised when we ate at the dinner table for dinners asking what the special occasion was and when asked how she has her dinner, stated that my ex's fiancé eats in the bedroom and my ex sits his fat butt on the couch and watches tv all night. I asked where she eats and she states at the kitchen table by herself. She also seems to intimately know all forms of hungry man dinners and is proud she can eat one all by herself. She has also told me in the past that my ex's fiancé slaps her in the mouth or face. When I asked him about it he denied he would ever let that happen to her. I am not sure what to do, but I don't want to wait it out and then have her hate me later for never seeing me, but how do I tell her her dad won't let her visit me? I know he talks trash about me in front of her I have seen him do it to my face in front of her. All I ever say about him is that he needs to lose a few pounds or he will end up looking like grandma (his mom of which her size resembles that of a small rhino, which isn't healthy) Any help or guidance is much appreciated. I want to see my daughter.....I think she needs me and her sister right now. She seems so sad and distant.

[Dogmatique]

Please don't do that. You're halfway to creating a child with severe body image issues, and she's right at the point where her self-image really does begin to matter.

Different eating habits = parenting difference, not actionable.

The travel issue...well, some parents are comfortable, others aren't. It's probably too late to get the matter before the court this time, but you might want to address it before 2015.

As far as Dad, there's no reason why she has to know the whys and wherefores of your parenting plan. Have you discussed virtual parenting with Skype/webcam visitation? That's becoming more and more popular and I'm sure it would help.

Do you have a copy of your parenting agreement in front of you? I'm trying to ascertain exactly how it's worded.

[Disagreeable]

Just noting you claimed anything over 100 miles is open to discussion, then claimed he must automatically pay for half. That does not make sense.