Can I Take Custody Without Going Back to Court Based on a Child's Wish

[FatherKnowsBest]

Okay. Hit me with it. Because I'm likely going to get torn to shreds for this post.

There are too many crappy dad's out there Dogmatique, too many scumbags that have run away from the responsibility to be a parent, guys that go around neglecting their children and doing nothing but hurting them. Guys that i wouldn't spit on if they were on fire, who if i were given the power too, wouldn't exist anymore, too many to count. I don't believe we are doing the right thing if we are discouraging those fathers who DO want to do the right thing by their children, those fathers who DO want to be a part of their childrens lives, who want to raise their kids.

While i agree with what you said, in theory, I believe that this is a chance worth taking for him. Yes, she MAY end up doing exactly as you said, in that case, she'll end up back at moms after just a couple months. BUT, those couple months will be a chance for dad to 'know' his daughter, a chance for him to be a part of her life. This is where i get sappy.....When she looks back in 50 years, after dad has passed on, what she will remember isn't what chores he gave her, but the quality time she got with her father because he stepped up and did the 'fatherly' thing.

[Paul Arsenault]

3 yrs of no action and it still continues now. Paul, why aren't you on your way, driving right now, to go pick up your child?

I really want to but dont think it would be a good idea. Not yet till I can figure this mess out.

And thank you FatherKnowsBest You understand where I am coming from.

[Dogmatique]

There are too many crappy dad's out there Dogmatique, too many scumbags that have run away from the responsibility to be a parent, guys that go around neglecting their children and doing nothing but hurting them. Guys that i wouldn't spit on if they were on fire, who if i were given the power too, wouldn't exist anymore, too many to count. I don't believe we are doing the right thing if we are discouraging those fathers who DO want to do the right thing by their children, those fathers who DO want to be a part of their childrens lives, who want to raise their kids.

While i agree with what you said, in theory, I believe that this is a chance worth taking for him. Yes, she MAY end up doing exactly as you said, in that case, she'll end up back at moms after just a couple months. BUT, those couple months will be a chance for dad to 'know' his daughter, a chance for him to be a part of her life. This is where i get sappy.....When she looks back in 50 years, after dad has passed on, what she will remember isn't what chores he gave her, but the quality time she got with her father because he stepped up and did the 'fatherly' thing.

When custody is decided on what's best for the parent, we have a problem.

That aside, a question for Dad. Are you paying child support?

[Paul Arsenault]

When custody is decided on what's best for the parent, we have a problem.

That aside, a question for Dad. Are you paying child support?

Yes faithfully send a check every week, which is NOT court ordered.
At one point i was sending almost my whole paycheck every week to her, I was told I was crazy!
Just wanted to be sure my girls where taken care of.
I even give her my tax money.

[llworking]

There are too many crappy dad's out there Dogmatique, too many scumbags that have run away from the responsibility to be a parent, guys that go around neglecting their children and doing nothing but hurting them. Guys that i wouldn't spit on if they were on fire, who if i were given the power too, wouldn't exist anymore, too many to count. I don't believe we are doing the right thing if we are discouraging those fathers who DO want to do the right thing by their children, those fathers who DO want to be a part of their childrens lives, who want to raise their kids.

While i agree with what you said, in theory, I believe that this is a chance worth taking for him. Yes, she MAY end up doing exactly as you said, in that case, she'll end up back at moms after just a couple months. BUT, those couple months will be a chance for dad to 'know' his daughter, a chance for him to be a part of her life. This is where i get sappy.....When she looks back in 50 years, after dad has passed on, what she will remember isn't what chores he gave her, but the quality time she got with her father because he stepped up and did the 'fatherly' thing.

You really tend to "romanticize" the absent father. I see it over and over and over again in your posts. Unfortunately, in doing so you also tend to lead some fathers down the garden path...which potentially can do them serious damage...and the children as a result.

You are not doing this father any favors by your responses...in fact, you are doing the opposite.

[Paul Arsenault]

You really tend to "romanticize" the absent father. I see it over and over and over again in your posts. Unfortunately, in doing so you also tend to lead some fathers down the garden path...which potentially can do them serious damage...and the children as a result.

You are not doing this father any favors by your responses...in fact, you are doing the opposite.

I take everything with a grain of salt, I try and decipher from all the post, which direction I should head in.
I knew if I posted here I would get different responses, I do remain hopeful of a bad situation, but we will see.

[FatherKnowsBest]

You really tend to "romanticize" the absent father. I see it over and over and over again in your posts. Unfortunately, in doing so you also tend to lead some fathers down the garden path...which potentially can do them serious damage...and the children as a result.

You are not doing this father any favors by your responses...in fact, you are doing the opposite.

If i can convince one absent father, a GOOD father on the fence(this guy does sound like a caring father), to be a part of their childs life. If i can show them how important it is for a child to have them in their life, then my 'romanticizing' is all worth it.

[cbg]

And if your leading them down the garden path of impossibilities that end in their losing time with their child? What will that be worth?

[Dogmatique]

If i can convince one absent father, a GOOD father on the fence(this guy does sound like a caring father), to be a part of their childs life. If i can show them how important it is for a child to have them in their life, then my 'romanticizing' is all worth it.

There's no reason why Dad can't be an active, essential part of his child's life. I would suspect that a father working in Dubai, or is deployed, would be offended at the suggestion that "not living with Dad = bad Dad".

[FatherKnowsBest]

There's no reason why Dad can't be an active, essential part of his child's life. I would suspect that a father working in Dubai, or is deployed, would be offended at the suggestion that "not living with Dad = bad Dad".

It's a different world from when you or even I were children Dogmatique. When my parents were children a fathers responsibility as a father stopped at being the primary earner, he'd spend 50-60 hrs at work and come home so exhausted that he wasn't able to actually Parent the children. Even when i was young, in the 80's and 90's, that was still the norm, although things WERE changing for the better, a father was learning to be a father. Now with the norm being 2 income families, it takes much more then just a paycheck to be a father, a father is a healer, a coach, a professor, a story teller, a ghostbuster, even a chef, the roles that in your youth (the 50's or 60's, my guess) used to be delegated 100% to mom are now both parents right.

So while i may offend some with my belief that you need to be a 'renaissance man' to be a father these days, that doesn't make it untrue. Although, it is a slow process, fathers ARE learning this, they are realizing that their #1 priority is to their children anything else, doesn't do justice to the kids and I hope, some day soon father being fathers becomes the 'norm' instead of the fringe.