Scheduling Visitation When an Order is Not Specific

[nea]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida.
My fiance is going thru a custody battle to have time wIth his daughter. He had been kept from her for 4years.. she just turned six. Now in last months mediation the,mother has FINALLY agreed to let him have 4hours visitation everyother sat until their final court date. However, the visit has to be with the company of his sister.. his sister doesnot have to be involved, but the mother is extremely controlling and wants things her way all the time...for the sake of seeing his child he agreed. Today is visitation day... his sister gets off work at 3p they have informed the mother that they will be there to pick up his daughter by 4...the order doesnot state what time...it simply states 4hours.. now the mother is saying she doesn't want to pick her daughter up after dark(8p) when visitation is over, so my fiance said no prob he will drop her all the way home. Now the mother is saying no and he,needs go have visitation with his daughter from12to4p. That's no where in the court documents. So what can he do? Should he call the police to get his daughter today? How should he handle this? Cleary the mother wants things her way. Please advise.

[Dogmatique]

Okay - if I may, let's get something out of the way first?

Dad didn't do a thing to enforce his rights for the past 4 year - don't blame just Mom for that. If he had wanted to act, he would have acted. Supervised visitation is appropriate because the child doesn't know him, and if its not set in stone already Mom pretty much calls the shots. If Dad wants to see his child, he does so at Mom's whim for now.

The police will not (and should not) get involved.

Does it occur to either of you that Mom might be wary of leaving her child with someone who is essentially a stranger?

Mom calls the shots. And seriously - stop with the "controlling" thing. Dad's been AWOL for four years. How do you think she feels?

[nea]

Ok.. idont think u got anything straight..let me clarify... I tried to give u a general scope... let me dig in a tad more. Over the past fews she has drug this thing out by rescheduling coming up with"emergencies" he sees her in the past 4years when she feels she wants him to see her. He is no AWOL he fought and got.custody of his son... he is fighting full custody for his daughter now. He pays OVER the amount that a prent needs for a 6year old in child support try 750 amonth... and all he has ever wanted was to spend time with her. He has been visiting with her and documenting attempts she.has blocked... now he has her to do 4hr visitation under the terms I expressed above. She stated in writing that she will do her best to tie it up in court so that he doesn't see her the way he wants until she ten years old. She has issues dealing with herself being molested as a child by a family member and this is where her inability to act in the child's best intrest or facilitate.a healthy relationship with male family members come from. He has Always been a supportive father.during the time they were married, she even acknowledged that. She has issues with her daughter spending overnights too because of.her own childhood.experiences, but that is no reason to keep a willing father from his child. Regardless of her own petsonal issues. It comes a point as a parent When you have to trust the other parent to be a parent without being under your watch. She didn't want him to spend time with out her being there either. So, now.... what should he do to try to enforce this? Hope this clarifies your AWOL/stranger theory. Further I need to add his last visitation went with struggle from her. She finally let her come with him, with his sister and they all.came back to our house. I got opportunity to spend time with her as well..mom was NOT happy about that. This is more than what's in the best interest of this beautiful little girl..she asked if she could stay with us! She knows and misses her dad...thx.

[Dogmatique]

Nea, I know you're wanting to help him and I know that you've only heard one side of the story (his). But these are legal facts, okay?

Dad's not going to get custody at this point, and $750/month is not necessarily an outrageous amount of money. If he's paying more than court ordered, well, that's his decision.

He's had every opportunity to push this - for whatever reason, he hasn't done so. Four years is not a parent dragging things out - four years is a parent who (for whatever reason) hasn't really done much to get a court order in place.

Mom is doing nothing illegal; the terms of the current temp order makes it so that yes, he is actually at the whim of Mom.

The fact is that the court has agreed on the mediation agreement. If he wants to change that, he's absolutely welcome to try.

(Florida is remarkably user-friendly when it comes to family law. http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/family/self_help/ )

Sooo....yeah, I think I got it all pretty straight.



And a bit of advice from one stepparent to a sort-of maybe might be stepparent. Let Dad take over. It's his mess, and it's his mess to clean up. Again, I get where you're coming from. But your feelings don't change the reality, and I can guarantee you that the more Mom thinks you're interfering, the harder she's going to play games with Dad and the harder she'll try to make sure you have as little input as is possible.

[nea]

And you say supervised visits is appropriate, but the person she chose to.be the supervisor is the aunt that the daughter has only met when she was 2years old...lol talk about strangers. He gas court papers for years dating back how long this crap.have been going on..I had to read them to get both accountsnot just his side. Im a LSCW I observed the child and her social skills. We will be getting psych analysis on both parents.. it doesn't look for her where this is concerned and how her actions and abetting has affected the child's development. But . For now until this is over we.just need to know how to go about it today..... we cannot reach his attorney right now. Thx. Oh and please forgive typos.. im doing this by phone in hurry as it is almost visitation time..

[Dogmatique]

"We" won't be doing anything. And you sure as heck haven't spent enough time with the child (in a therapeutic environment, natch) to make a decision about the child's development. If Dad even thinks about bringing this up, he's a fool.

An attorney is going to rip Dad to shreds if you don't learn your place on the totem pole.

[nea]

I do want to help... I do stay out of it as far as she know s. I just want this to be over too. Ihave 2little girls of my own and was very reasonable about my children's father file-sharing after our divorce even when my ex.was.AWOL. I can't deny my.children the right to get to know him based on my ill feelings about him... why can she do the same? Its simple.. now my girls have a great relationship with their dad.... all is well with them they are ages.5and 8... some parents are truly just bitter and.vindictive as my ex was, but it all worked outin my favor through all the stress. I know it will work out in his in the end we are trying to get pass this day...ok well its showtime...we will see what happens...thanks for your input. Take care and happy new year!

- - - Updated - - -

And for the record her last attorney resigned from. Representing her unreasonable expectations.... this is a new attorney..hopefully he is smart.enought to do the same.. my place is to support him and that I will do..toodles.

[mmmagique]

Dogmatique was nice enough to even consider you HAVE a place on the totem pole. You do NOT. You have no say, you have no rights, and if you keep this up, dad will find himself in a world of hurt. You need to back off and let the two parents work this out for themselves (through the courts.)

You are a classic case of an over-stepping step-parent, but you're not EVEN a step-parent. Just stop.