Moving Out of State With Joint Custody

[Dogmatique]

Pretend we're the judges, okay?

Explain why Dad should suffer a loss of parenting because you want to move.

[emarie220]

Firstly his living situation is unstable. Lives with girlfriend and since September they have broken up twice while the boys were with him and they then bounce around to either friends or relative house. When they are there they sleep on living room floor. At my house they have a room with bunk beds. My older son gets done with tutoring at four and is to wait at library next to school for an hour when he is able to pick him up and picks up other son from me. Girlfriend has forgotten on two occasions to pick him up and I did not know this until she picked up my other son from me and asked if he was at my house. He does not participate in younger sons therapy and does not give him medication on weekends or breaks when he has him. He does not participate in sons education, only after I tell him the problems and one is failing two classes and the other is not completing homework so we need to go back to court to adjust visitation does he go to there school one day since school started. I am in constant contact with teacher and counselor through voice or email. Their is no consistency with the requirements and checking of school work.
Medically unless it's an emergency dad does not take to doctor and never dentist, I do it. Older son is asthmatic, I have medical insurance, so I tell dad he needs to take him to doctor to get prescription to have medicine at his house, he has not.
I have been in current relationship for five years and married one. I have been on my same job for thirteen years. Our oldest daughter that does not like to visit her father and does not, is thriving as a freshman in high school with 3.3 GPA with playing varsity volleyball and now j.v. basketball. I have a 17 year old son in the house (different father-deceased) that did get into some trouble a year ago. He is back on track as a senior varsity football, 3.0 GPA, and getting college offers. This is all due to the consistency and structure that I set forth in my home which is needed especially with my son who has ADHD.
We have however became a one income household and struggling financially. With my husbands skills he has been able to locate a job out of state with a family member and I also, that would help us become very financially stable.

[Dogmatique]

Honestly? You don't have anywhere near enough.

You have a 50/50 arrangement, and you're going to need some compelling reasons to change that.

This isn't a popular suggestion, but why don't you have the kids staying with Dad?

If he's good enough for 50/50 he's good enough for primary.

[emarie220]

Well, that is why I'm trying to reduce his visitation because they will continue to suffer educationally and medically. Also the fact that he can't hold a steady job financially he could not care for them on a consistent basis.
How do judges look at split custody? When i brought up moving out of state my older son said he would want to stay but my younger one was saying he wouldn't mind moving and visiting his dad.

[Dogmatique]

He would if you were paying child support

The court is going to take one look at this and conclude that you're doing your utmost to thwart Dad's parenting time.

Had you gone to court before this, it would be one thing. As it is, it looks like you're making up reasons to stop Dad from objecting to the move.

I don't see that working well for you.

[emarie220]

We have gone back and forth to court that is why the judge threatened to take legal custody away if he didn't sign to agree for my younger son to be on ADHD medicine. Our last court date was august of 2013. Also it's not etched in stone the move it is in thought process. Even without the move I feel they would do better with being with me more time during the week thus lessening his time during his week. As far as child support I still have our oldest daughter which he does not pay support for.

[Dogmatique]

The judge isn't going to go from a 50/50 timeshare to no custody at all - except in dire circumstances, none of which apply here. It's not uncommon for a Judge to basically scare the parent into behaving.

Seriously Mom - I know you want to move. I know you think you have a heap of ammo against Dad. And I know Dad's not exactly forthcoming with the child support. But realistically, your chances aren't good.

You've had almost 6 months of the current situation and so far, while Dad hasn't been perfect, I can't see anything actionable that would help your cause.

An established 50/50 timeshare takes a lot to have it modified. It's even harder when you intend to move and lessen Dad's parenting time. You've got to see how it looks from an objective point of view.

I do have a question though.

When did you start considering a move?

[emarie220]

My husband and I first thought or talked it over in May

[Dogmatique]

Did you bring this up in court in August?

[emarie220]

No because at that we we did not know if it would be possible job wise and housing.
Like I was asking before how do judges feel about split custody and will mediator speak to boys or what age will they consider what the kids want?