One Night Stand with Married Woman Leads to Child

[Elroyjet1]

My question involves child support in the State of: North Carolina. In early December 2012, I had a one night stand with an ex girlfriend while on a trip to Maryland (I am from Ohio). I did not know at the time she was married with a 2 year old son from that marriage. About a week later I was contacted and told that she was separated but still living with her husband. Two months later I was contacted by her and informed she was pregnant and frantic to save her marriage by getting an abortion but she needed money, I obliged after much thought by sending her the money she requested. I did not hear from her until December 2013, apparently she did not have an abortion and the child was born in September.. I have no idea if this child is mine . She has now moved to North Carolina and has recently tried to threaten legal action for me to pay support however she still is legally married and says her husband treats him as his own..... I have read I am not liable for support as the child is recognized as his due to their marriage even though they are Seperated..... I live in ohio I don't know if this is my child or if and what I need to be prepared for

[Dogmatique]

Well, you're sort of right.

Her husband is indeed the legal father. But with the time-frame involved, Mom and he just might be able to convince the court that Dad's paternity disestablished in favor of you becoming the father.

[FatherKnowsBest]

Don't pay child support until paternity has been established BY THE COURTS AND there is a child support order.

[Dogmatique]

Don't pay child support until paternity has been established BY THE COURTS AND there is a child support order.

Holy Garfinkle - I actually agree with this!

And I'm willing to bet my second-to-last donut that Mom is suddenly going to shut up and disappear if OP files a paternity suit...

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Afterthought: OP, if you actually want to find out once and for all (and perhaps file for at least a visitation order so that you can see your child), you might want to think about filing a paternity suit. In a small handful of States, an intact marriage creates a rebuttal to any paternity suit...but NC ain't one of them.

[LawResearcherMissy]

Don't pay child support until paternity has been established BY THE COURTS AND there is a child support order.

Concur. It's a lot like dealing with collection agencies - you don't pay a dime until they can PROVE you owe the debt, if you've got a couple of neurons to bang together.

Demand a DNA test through the courts. Pay NOTHING until the child is PROVEN to be yours, and not one moment before.

[FatherKnowsBest]

Afterthought: OP, if you actually want to find out once and for all (and perhaps file for at least a visitation order so that you can see your child), you might want to think about filing a paternity suit. In a small handful of States, an intact marriage creates a rebuttal to any paternity suit...but NC ain't one of them.

Personally, even though i'm of the belief that all children are a gift. Something about this womens story sounds shaky to me. I'd ignore her and just wait until SHE filed for Child Support and Paternity. I don't believe she ever will, or she will file and then withdraw it at the first court hearing. I know there is a possibility it is your child, but, the way you described it, just seems 'scammy' to me. I don't know her, but something just doesn't sound right.

Maybe it's the 'abortion money' at the beginning and then demanding child support money after, but it really does sound to me like this women is just looking for a sucker to pay her bills.

[Elroyjet1]

Thank you all for the fast replies... Unfortunately I did send money as I felt bad in the holiday season ($100) and I felt this could possibly be my son. Will this hurt me if she tries to pursue this? I feel like if I don't she will file some suit against me to take even more then I could ever afford through garnishment. I'm not sure how to proceed as this weighs heavily on my mind every day. Another factor is shortly after I returned home I began a relationship with my current gf who has a 2 yo daughter (not mine) that looks to me as a father... Does this affect the courts view of the situation? How would it even work if I live in Ohio. Will it affect how much support I would owe, if I am ever found to be liable? Does anyone have any recommendations on legal advice I could obtain locally on this ? Should I even contact a lawyer? What is the best next step for me? I would like to be proactive as I possibly can be I am a young college graduate with a great job and I am afraid of losing everything I have worked for as all the NC child support websites state they will try to take as much money as possible. With student loans being paid back I don't see very much disposable income in my future which through a family experience I have learned the courts care nothing about whether you can afford it or not and can ruin someone's life....I'm sorry if I have rambled on , I'm just a scared 20 something that's afraid of what could happen...

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Also does it matter if he was never put on the birth certificate?

[mmmagique]

Thank you all for the fast replies... Unfortunately I did send money as I felt bad in the holiday season ($100) and I felt this could possibly be my son. Will this hurt me if she tries to pursue this? I feel like if I don't she will file some suit against me to take even more then I could ever afford through garnishment. I'm not sure how to proceed as this weighs heavily on my mind every day. Another factor is shortly after I returned home I began a relationship with my current gf who has a 2 yo daughter (not mine) that looks to me as a father... Does this affect the courts view of the situation? How would it even work if I live in Ohio. Will it affect how much support I would owe, if I am ever found to be liable? Does anyone have any recommendations on legal advice I could obtain locally on this ? Should I even contact a lawyer? What is the best next step for me? I would like to be proactive as I possibly can be I am a young college graduate with a great job and I am afraid of losing everything I have worked for as all the NC child support websites state they will try to take as much money as possible. With student loans being paid back I don't see very much disposable income in my future which through a family experience I have learned the courts care nothing about whether you can afford it or not and can ruin someone's life....I'm sorry if I have rambled on , I'm just a scared 20 something that's afraid of what could happen...

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Also does it matter if he was never put on the birth certificate?

Uhm...that's a lot of questions!

It's not going to hurt your case that you sent some money.

It's not going to hurt your case that there is another child (sort of) in the picture.

Ohio has nothing to do with this.

You should get a few free consults with some family law attorneys in your area, although they will not be able to help you if a case is filed against you, as it will be in the state that has jurisdiction. In this case, it *might* be North Carolina, or it might not be. How long has she lived there with the child? (and was the child born there?)

Your best next step is just to wait and do nothing. I believe this woman is just looking for a payoff from an easy mark, and that you are probably not the father...

I don't believe the North Carolina child support site says what you claim it says. But of course, any court will get the maximum amount possible BY LAW for the children they represent.

What state was the child conceived and/or born in? Was she married at the time?

[Elroyjet1]

The child was conceived in Maryland. I do not know what state the child was born in. Yes they were married at time of conception and living with a two year old son. I had no idea she was married or had a child. I did not find out until after the fact. She states they are seperated but are still legally married at time of conception and still to this day. Should I be contacting NC for advice?

[PandorasBox]

Do as suggested...you need a local family law attorney. Most offer free consultations.