Father, Out on Bond for a Felony, Wants Overnight Visitation

[djtgrl]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: ILLINOIS
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois
My daughter (college graduate with a home in her name, employed in a professional field for the past eight years, no criminal record, stable home life) has a 5 y/o who has lived with her since birth. She and the father were together until the child was a year old, but have not been together for four years. The father has not worked for four years ("allegedly" sells drugs - and is currently out on bond on felony mfr and delivery of controlled substance and conspiracy to commit felony charges, and pled guilty to possession of controlled substance two months ago). The father has not had a valid driver’s license for several years but has continued to drive unlicensed and uninsured and has many traffic violations proving such. The father is a transient and has had no stable home. My daughter has had the police at her home several times (there are police reports but she did not file restraining orders for fear it would “cause him to retaliate worse”) over the past two years when he has threatened her and been in an unstable frame of mind. He shot 20 rounds from two different weapons at her home and a (male) friend's car in 2012. Although he was never charged (no weapon recovered and no witnesses) with this, 2+2 = 4 and everyone (including the chief of police and detectives involved) are sure it was him that did this. The father has never paid child support through a court order. There has never been a court order designating visitation. The father calls randomly to see his son, and my daughter has allowed him to see him if he is secured in a vehicle with someone who has a license (his paternal grandmother or uncle normally) and is going to be either at the paternal grandmother, great grandmother, or a relatives home). The paternal grandmother does make an effort to see her/our grandson. The father has never kept him overnight.
Last month my daughter received notice to appear in order to establish custody and visitation. She is very concerned about her son’s safety (as are we) because his father has: no license, current felony charges, a record related to drugs, hangs out with known drug dealers and criminals, “suspected of” shooting up her home last year, has no stable home, and has erratic mental behavior.
He has never (that we know of) put his son in harm’s way (well he has shot up his house but that was “unproven”) so my daughter has nothing like that to hang her hat on in court and knows that she will need to let her son see his dad (she wants them to have a relationship but obviously with the issues that have gone one over the years she sees he is not making changes in his life for the better). What can she do to assure that her son is safe? What roadblocks can be put in a court order regarding my grandson’s safety and stability while he is with his dad? Obviously we all wish he’d grow up and get it together but our main concern is for our grandson and his stability and safety. He is the innocent victim in the middle of this chaos.

[llworking]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: ILLINOIS
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois
My daughter (college graduate with a home in her name, employed in a professional field for the past eight years, no criminal record, stable home life) has a 5 y/o who has lived with her since birth. She and the father were together until the child was a year old, but have not been together for four years. The father has not worked for four years ("allegedly" sells drugs - and is currently out on bond on felony mfr and delivery of controlled substance and conspiracy to commit felony charges, and pled guilty to possession of controlled substance two months ago). The father has not had a valid driver’s license for several years but has continued to drive unlicensed and uninsured and has many traffic violations proving such. The father is a transient and has had no stable home. My daughter has had the police at her home several times (there are police reports but she did not file restraining orders for fear it would “cause him to retaliate worse”) over the past two years when he has threatened her and been in an unstable frame of mind. He shot 20 rounds from two different weapons at her home and a (male) friend's car in 2012. Although he was never charged (no weapon recovered and no witnesses) with this, 2+2 = 4 and everyone (including the chief of police and detectives involved) are sure it was him that did this. The father has never paid child support through a court order. There has never been a court order designating visitation. The father calls randomly to see his son, and my daughter has allowed him to see him if he is secured in a vehicle with someone who has a license (his paternal grandmother or uncle normally) and is going to be either at the paternal grandmother, great grandmother, or a relatives home). The paternal grandmother does make an effort to see her/our grandson. The father has never kept him overnight.
Last month my daughter received notice to appear in order to establish custody and visitation. She is very concerned about her son’s safety (as are we) because his father has: no license, current felony charges, a record related to drugs, hangs out with known drug dealers and criminals, “suspected of” shooting up her home last year, has no stable home, and has erratic mental behavior.
He has never (that we know of) put his son in harm’s way (well he has shot up his house but that was “unproven”) so my daughter has nothing like that to hang her hat on in court and knows that she will need to let her son see his dad (she wants them to have a relationship but obviously with the issues that have gone one over the years she sees he is not making changes in his life for the better). What can she do to assure that her son is safe? What roadblocks can be put in a court order regarding my grandson’s safety and stability while he is with his dad? Obviously we all wish he’d grow up and get it together but our main concern is for our grandson and his stability and safety. He is the innocent victim in the middle of this chaos.

Well...he isn't going to get primary custody. That's obvious. He could get joint legal custody (joint decision making) and its quite possible, with his record, that his visitation could end up supervised by his mother or uncle...which is basically the situation now.

[LawResearcherMissy]

He can certainly ASK for overnight visitation, but it's unlikely to be granted, at least until he gets his act together. As LL says, joint legal is certainly on the table, and supervised visitation is not out of the realm of possibility.

As far as "putting up roadblocks"...no. That's a bad game to play. A child is legally entitled to a relationship with both of his parents - even when one of his parents is a moron.

[djtgrl]

ok, maybe that was the wrong term..."putting up roadblocks"....we ALL would like to see his father get his life together, for his own sake and his sons sake, and form an actual stable relationship with his son, and my daughter has never denied him the ability to see his son on the random, scattered, out of the blue times that he actually does want to see him. my daughter feels he is completely safe and cared for while at paternal grandmothers. she is not, however, feeling the same way if baby daddy crawled up in the driveway with some unknown thug who happens to have a license and a car seat in his car. I guess the roadblocks I speak of are stipulations that need to be met when he has his son: things like being supervised at only his mothers home, being picked up only by certain people who she knows have a license and are not toting guns or drugs, etc. these are serious and real/valid concerns, i'm not making this stuff up. On one visit they sat all afternoon at a tattoo parlor. I mean it wasn't a strip bar or a crack house, but really...if you have your son do you need to go to the tattoo parlor for four hours out of the 4.5 you have him? things like that.. and i realize "he was not hurt or harmed" at the tattoo shop...

i guess i'm floored to find out that you can have random contact with a child for a few years, pay no support, provide no stable home environment or love or really anything and then out of the blue you flit in after about five years and demand to spend time with your child and take him away from his mother on weekends ONLY because you are angry at the childs mother for moving on with her life and getting in a relationship.....and you still don't even have to SUPPORT said child in any manner financially. and yes i realize she made her bed...but this is very painful to watch.

[aardvarc]

i guess i'm floored to find out that you can have random contact with a child for a few years, pay no support, provide no stable home environment or love or really anything and then out of the blue you flit in after about five years and demand to spend time with your child

As unnerving as this is, the way the COURTS see it, they want to give a parent who wants to TRY to turn things around a chance to do so - even after lots of problems and extended periods of time - and will encourage such - right up until the time that the parent ACTUALLY does something directly concerning the CHILD (NOT the mother) which would make the court terminate that parent's parental rights. So yes, even with minimal involvement (which is very different than ZERO involvement), and dad's other issues, the odds are in his favor to be granted visitation, even if supervised at first.

[djtgrl]

oh and one other thing.....since the baby daddy has already tried to shoot up her home once before.....let's say god forbid that something happened to my daughter while her son is a minor. do we as maternal grandparents have ANY rights to see or care for or raise our grandson at all in her absense? She probably needs to speak to a lawyer about getting somethign like this drawn up too, if it is even a possibility, as a contingency. Somehow we didnt' think we'd have to think of such precautions but it is obvious we really do.

- - - Updated - - -

well that's just peachy.

[mmmagique]

Has she taken him to court for child support? If not, he doesn't owe her any.

If he hurts/kills her (God forbid) then he would be in jail/prison and yes, you would stand a good chance of becoming the child's guardians. If she just got hurt/killed by some random stranger, (God forbid) dad would have a decent chance of being declared the child's legal guardian. (parent)

[LawResearcherMissy]

i guess i'm floored to find out that you can have random contact with a child for a few years, pay no support, provide no stable home environment or love or really anything and then out of the blue you flit in after about five years and demand to spend time with your child and take him away from his mother on weekends ONLY because you are angry at the childs mother for moving on with her life and getting in a relationship.....

The courts don't give a sugar-coated fart about the parents' personal conflicts. The view is that if you decide to make a baby together, then decide you don't like each other, that is just too bad, you're going to have to hitch up your britches and act like a grown-up anyway for the sake of the child. EVEN IF one parent is rather lackadaisical, they are still legally permitted to have a relationship with their child, whether it meets the other parent's (or any third-party's) standards or not.

and you still don't even have to SUPPORT said child in any manner financially.

While it is true that support and visitation/custody are completely unrelated - which means that the custodial parent may not use lack of support as a reason to withhold visitation - it is not true that he is not required to support his child.

If Mom has not already obtained a court order for support, she should do so. If she has and he's not following it, she needs to go to the Child Support Enforcement Agency, so that paychecks may be garnished and income tax refunds may be intercepted.

do we as maternal grandparents have ANY rights to see or care for or raise our grandson at all in her absense?

No inherent rights, no. Legally, you are a stranger to the child. Dad would be the first contact should anything happen to Mom. (Provided, of course, that paternity has been legally established and custody and visitation orders are in place, which it appears will be the case shortly.)

[djtgrl]

she has gone to court to establish set support but he does not earn money the old fashioned way in that he receives a W-2 or can have his paycheck garnished or his tax refund garnished. he gets paid CASH for the products he sells. so he has no "traceable" income. yes, he is thousands "behind" in support, but you can't get blood from a turnip or whatever the saying is.

[llworking]

Of course, if dad happens to be in jail at the time that something might happen to mom...not necessarily because he killed her, but because he was in jail due to one crime or another, then again, he is obviously not going to be getting custody.

Grandma, don't borrow trouble.