Modification of Custodial Parent

[HelpMePlease24]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NJ

I'm considering filing for a modification to prior court orders. My son is 2.5 years old and I currently have him 9a-9a for one full day a week and every other weekend from Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm. I want to file to be the Custodial parent and 50/50 support time.

At this time and since his birth, I am the sole financial supporter and provider of medical insurance. At my home he has his own room, sleeps in a toddler bed has books, toys and everything a child needs to learn and develop...
I also have a flexible job which allows me to work from home or make up hours when needed.

When we agreed to the terms of the current court order, it was for "consistency". I completely understand that a very young child needs consistency, so I agreed.

She is unemployed since 2010 and currently lives at her grandmothers house and her and my son share a room. I believe she still has him in a crib, but he has been sleeping in his own toddler bed at my house for the past 6 months. She has been making some attempts at finding employment. She has had at least 4 jobs over the past two years, but she worked at for less than a month at each before quitting. She is a registered Nurse and I think we all know that RN's are one of the most in demand jobs on the planet!

I recently asked his Mother for a change to the support time. Her response was "Well, does that mean less money for me" and "It would kill me if I saw him less". Two very selfish statements with completely disregard to what may be best for our child. I simply wanted to see him from 6p-9a two nights per week and from 6pm Friday to 9am Monday. I mentioned nothing about requesting a decrease or increase in support funds. Money is not the issue here.

My son has shown very strong signs of a desire to spend more time with me. He is very excited when I come to pick him up and says "No, Mommies" when I tell him he needs to get dressed because it's time to go back to Mommy. He doesn't want to go.

It's killing me inside to see him visibly upset. I'm not making any assumptions about what goes on at his mothers house, but it seems that my home would be a better environment for him to grow up in.

Also worth noting: I have asked his Mother on several occasions, how much of the child support has been put into savings and the answer is always $0. I had a discussion with her and tried to emphasize that his expenses are going to increase as he gets older and some of the money needs to be put away. She doesn't seem to comprehend and still has nothing allocated to my sons future. (I do have a savings account for him, in addition to the child support I pay weekly)

Any advice would be great. Do I have a case? How should I approach it? What information above has bearing and what doesn't matter (omitable)?

[SuperPop]

This situation is a lot more common then you would think. One parent neglecting what is in the best interests of the child to avoid a reduction in child support. Unfortuately, the court has made it VERY hard to make modification to Custody, you need a material, substantial change of circumstances....I'm afraid you don't have that in this case. None of that information above will amount to a hill of beans in court.

The best advice i can give you, use every second of available time you have with your son, call daily/as allowed by the order and ask mom if she minds if you pick he up take him to dinner/park/movie/sleep over, etc., you'd be surprised how much extra time you can get with honey vs. demanding it, with vinegar. You CAN establish Status quo this way and if status quo is established long enough(over 6 months - 1 year) you MAY(if you are lucky) be able to use that as a 'change in circumstances'. Going from the 35-40% custody you have now to 51+% is ALOT harder then you may think, its a long difficult process and you will need a great lawyer.

I've also suggested to fathers in the past to agree, in writing to keep child support the same(even offer to increase it if you can afford it), if more time can be written into an order. You can ALWAYS make more money, the time lost with your child, you can NEVER get back.

[llworking]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NJ

I'm considering filing for a modification to prior court orders. My son is 2.5 years old and I currently have him 9a-9a for one full day a week and every other weekend from Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm. I want to file to be the Custodial parent and 50/50 support time.

What is your substantial change in circumstance? A substantial change in circumstance is necessary to even get a case started.

At this time and since his birth, I am the sole financial supporter and provider of medical insurance. At my home he has his own room, sleeps in a toddler bed has books, toys and everything a child needs to learn and develop...
I also have a flexible job which allows me to work from home or make up hours when needed.

Unfortunately for you, none of that is relevant.

When we agreed to the terms of the current court order, it was for "consistency". I completely understand that a very young child needs consistency, so I agreed.

She is unemployed since 2010 and currently lives at her grandmothers house and her and my son share a room. I believe she still has him in a crib, but he has been sleeping in his own toddler bed at my house for the past 6 months. She has been making some attempts at finding employment. She has had at least 4 jobs over the past two years, but she worked at for less than a month at each before quitting. She is a registered Nurse and I think we all know that RN's are one of the most in demand jobs on the planet!

Again, none of that is relevant.

I recently asked his Mother for a change to the support time. Her response was "Well, does that mean less money for me" and "It would kill me if I saw him less". Two very selfish statements with completely disregard to what may be best for our child. I simply wanted to see him from 6p-9a two nights per week and from 6pm Friday to 9am Monday. I mentioned nothing about requesting a decrease or increase in support funds. Money is not the issue here.

Mom is not required to agree with you. Her reasons for disagreeing are not relevant as you do not have a substantial change in circumstance.

My son has shown very strong signs of a desire to spend more time with me. He is very excited when I come to pick him up and says "No, Mommies" when I tell him he needs to get dressed because it's time to go back to Mommy. He doesn't want to go.

And he probably say "no, Daddies" when he leaves mom. That is typical behavior for that age. It won't be relevant in court etiehr.

It's killing me inside to see him visibly upset. I'm not making any assumptions about what goes on at his mothers house, but it seems that my home would be a better environment for him to grow up in.

Again, not relevant

Also worth noting: I have asked his Mother on several occasions, how much of the child support has been put into savings and the answer is always $0. I had a discussion with her and tried to emphasize that his expenses are going to increase as he gets older and some of the money needs to be put away. She doesn't seem to comprehend and still has nothing allocated to my sons future. (I do have a savings account for him, in addition to the child support I pay weekly)

This one would get you kicked in the teeth by the judge. If you wanted to say something in court to make yourself look bad...this would be a beaut. Child support is to meet a child's current needs, not to be save for the future.

Any advice would be great. Do I have a case? How should I approach it? What information above has bearing and what doesn't matter (omitable)?

Dad, I am sorry but absolutely zero of that matters...other than the one thing that would make YOU look bad. You have nothing.

[HelpMePlease24]

This one would get you kicked in the teeth by the judge. If you wanted to say something in court to make yourself look bad...this would be a beaut. Child support is to meet a child's current needs, not to be save for the future.


Dad, I am sorry but absolutely zero of that matters...other than the one thing that would make YOU look bad. You have nothing.

Really? She has nothing in savings for him and I have a separate savings for him, just in case? Can you justify exactly how this makes ME look bad? Your input is appreciated, but that one makes zero sense.

[SuperPop]

Really? She has nothing in savings for him and I have a separate savings for him, just in case? Can you justify exactly how this makes ME look bad? Your input is appreciated, but that one makes zero sense.

Trying to imply what she should be doing with the child support, will not make a judge your friend. That money is to help the mother support the child, it's not for you to tell her what she should do with it. (sucks i know, my ex gets her nails and hair done on the same DAY the CS check comes in every month, so i know where that moneys going, but, it's not my right to decide what that money is spent on)

Having a savings account for the child IS a good thing, BUT, not having one isn't really a bad thing.

[llworking]

Really? She has nothing in savings for him and I have a separate savings for him, just in case? Can you justify exactly how this makes ME look bad? Your input is appreciated, but that one makes zero sense.

Ok..I will try.

Parents are not required, under the law, to have savings for their children. Its nice when a parent can do that, but in no way does that make one parent even remotely better than the other. Child support is for the CURRENT needs of the child. Its BAD BAD BAD for the paying parent to try to dictate how the child support money is to be spent.

If you still cannot understand...then do yourself a favor and just take my word for it.