Terminating Parental Rights Before Birth and the Affect on Child Support - Oklahoma

[HB3993]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma

The short version is this. My ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and we both want to set up the following arrangement: terminate my parental rights, and agree that I pay no support and have no custody of the child. Is this possible? (Please reserve judgment, in-depth details follow)

In a nutshell, I dated a girl for about 6 months and we stopped dating due to issues between myself and her mother/father. (I am 29, she is 20, and they are divorced but both overprotective. Her father has had police come to my house purely to intimidate me. No charges have ever been filed or any arrests/complaints made by her or me; no abuse or crime has ever happened either way between myself and the girl.) We stayed in friendly contact, and did continue to sleep together on occasion. After roughly 6 weeks of casually seeing each other off-and-on, she told me that she was pregnant... That the baby was conceived right around that grey area time where we were ending our relationship/still somewhat seeing each other. We have talked about the options: I fully support adoption, as she and I aren't dating, don't intend to start, and I will be moving out of state quite soon.

She told me (as she was told by her doctor) that it was medically impossible to get pregnant, so we were not using protection. (Foolish, I know.) Now that she IS pregnant, she wants to keep the child, under any circumstances. We have discussed, and what we want to do is this: terminate my parental rights, so she can fully parent the child. The reasoning is that it would be easier for her to parent the child with a new boyfriend/husband of her choosing, and avoid the strife/confusion that would come with the relationship between myself and her family. Both of her parents are against me being involved and their influence and opinion of me would be poisonous to the child's life and our relationship. I know that I cannot be a good parent when I am hundreds of miles away, and would rather let the child have one dad instead of two, spread across the country. I trust her judgment to choose a good man, and we are both in full agreement on all of the above points.

If this is the case though, we both agree that it is fair that I also do not pay support. The girl is well off, has a good job, and lives with her mother/stepfather (both also employed and wealthy) as well as receiving monetary support from her father. This child will have anything it wants. Our thinking is that a clean break between she and I is the best way to ensure that the child has the best life possible. So my question... is this a legal arrangement that we can set up?

The baby isn't due until June 2013, so there is plenty of time to decide how to proceed. Please advise. I will monitor the thread and provide any follow-up information or answer any questions that I can. Thank you in advance. Any and all help will be very much appreciated.

[CourtClerk]

Regardless of the reasoning, no you can't do it. You don't have any parental rights to terminate (1), if she applies for and receives public assistance they will pursue you for support (2). In a nutshell, you don't have to be involved with the child physically, but if during any moment between birth and the age of majority of the child she decides to (or the state decides to) pursue you for support... they can, and they will be successful.

[Dogmatique]

(June 2013 has already come and gone. TARDIS?)

Uh...with all due respect, you believed her when she told you she couldn't get pregnant. Any reason to believe she wouldn't pull the wool over some other guy's eyes for the purpose of child support?

Regardless, this isn't happening unless you BOTH terminate the parental rights and the child is adopted by someone else.

Realistically, here's what you should be thinking about:

Paying child support
A visitation plan including physical visitation, and eventually skype/webcam visitation.

Of course you don't have to do the latter. But you'll be doing the former, I suspect.

And what CC said.

[HB3993]

Thanks for the replies. To address your points, she isn't planning on applying for public assistance. I doubt she would even qualify. So CourtClerk, just to confirm on point 2, there isn't a document or a legal setup where she can waive the support right? (I'm guessing because it is considered the child's right and not hers?)

Dogma - I don't believe she pulled the wool over my eyes; I think she honestly related what her doctor (incorrectly) told her. She's a nice girl, and if her parents both just moved to Europe tomorrow, never to return, we could have a chance to make it work. But thanks for your input as well. I won't have a problem paying support, it just seems senseless. I have a good job, but everyone involved on her side ALL make more, and there are more of them.

Any further responses are welcomed and appreciated.

[aardvarc]

there isn't a document or a legal setup where she can waive the support right? (I'm guessing because it is considered the child's right and not hers?)

That's it. Exactly.

[llworking]

Thanks for the replies. To address your points, she isn't planning on applying for public assistance. I doubt she would even qualify. So CourtClerk, just to confirm on point 2, there isn't a document or a legal setup where she can waive the support right? (I'm guessing because it is considered the child's right and not hers?)

Dogma - I don't believe she pulled the wool over my eyes; I think she honestly related what her doctor (incorrectly) told her. She's a nice girl, and if her parents both just moved to Europe tomorrow, never to return, we could have a chance to make it work. But thanks for your input as well. I won't have a problem paying support, it just seems senseless. I have a good job, but everyone involved on her side ALL make more, and there are more of them.

Any further responses are welcomed and appreciated.

If she never asks for child support, and never has to go on state assistance, then you will never have to pay child support. However, there is no legal method to permanently waive child support.

[mmmagique]

No, she can't waive the child's rights. (nor yours)

Someday she's going to want financial help raising this baby you both created so you should just resign yourself to that now.

Most parents, (after realizing they are going to have to pay support anyway) do decide that they want to exercise their rights to parent their child(ren). So my question to you is this; if you end up paying child support are you going to file for visitation and/or custody? Or will this arrangement be financial only?

[CourtClerk]

Here's the thing. It doesn't matter what everyone else has. They aren't responsible for supporting your child and regardless of how much she has compared to you? You're still required to do what the law requires even if she ultimately burns the money in the backyard. Children have 2 parents and require the support of 2 parents. Raising children is expensive and that's a lesson both of you are about to learn REAL QUICK.

A mature, stand up kind of MAN wouldn't shirk his responsibilities. Its unfair to the child.

- - - Updated - - -

Here's the thing. It doesn't matter what everyone else has. They aren't responsible for supporting your child and regardless of how much she has compared to you? You're still required to do what the law requires even if she ultimately burns the money in the backyard. Children have 2 parents and require the support of 2 parents. Raising children is expensive and that's a lesson both of you are about to learn REAL QUICK.

A mature, stand up kind of MAN wouldn't shirk his responsibilities. Its unfair to the child.