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  1. #1
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Will it Violate an Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: New York

    I was the victim of domestic abuse and my ex was arrested and prosecuted for the assaults and harassment. He then filed a harassment criminal complaint against me and a full order of protection was granted against me. He then accused me of violating the order of protection (which I adamantly deny), but the court heard his complaint. I now have a full order of protection outstanding that also disallows third party contact. He is now seriously dating someone and I would like to warn them of his emotional and physical abuse tactics, as well as his use of adult sites to meet other men (which he did with me and continues with his new boyfriend). I do not want my ex to hurt anyone else and I would like to share the information and advice I have with the new boyfriend, but I do not want to be accused of violating the order of protection again. I would be extremely careful not to violate the third party contact provision by making sure that nothing I say could be seen as trying to contact my ex through the message.

    Is just contacting his new boyfriend a violation of the order of protection?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    You have two choices here.

    1. You can obey the order and let the new partner find out for themselves or,

    2. You can choose to tell the new partner whatever you want to tell them.

    If you choose 2, you need to prepare yourself for a contempt charge or another harassment order.

    Let's face it, it's none of your business legally speaking.

    So, the choice is yours. Practice the fine art of MYOB, or risk more legal trouble.

    One more point: does it occur to you that he might have been an ass to you because you're...well..you? There's no guarantee that he's doing the same thing now.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    just stay away. I suspect the 3rd party restriction is regarding contacting your ex through a third party so if that was not the purpose of the contact, technically it would be legal but all too often, it ends up looking like you trying to contract the party you are restrained from contacting being the intended contact.


    just stay away from the mess.

  4. #4
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    Thanks Dogmatique. I appreciate the candid reply. I will say however that even if I am...well...me and I'm the craziest person, there is never an excuse for him or anyone to lay their hands on anyone else, in this case to the point that it required plastic surgery to repair the scars to my face. Maybe I am crazy because I did not leave the first time he assaulted me but I loved him and it is just not as easy as that. I did not go into the details of my situation on purpose so I do not think you have enough information to jump to the conclusion that I somehow caused him to abuse me... But I will take the thoughtful advice.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    I'm not for one second blaming you - that much should have been pretty obvious. I'm simply pointing out that just because he hurt you doesn't mean he's going to hurt someone else.

    Perhaps you can reread my post and comprehend it a little better?

  6. #6
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    So from what I gather, it is probably technically legal to contact the new BF, but not advisable, and in fact, probably puts me at great peril. Is that the general consensus? Thanks again for the replies.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    That is my position at least but depending on exactly what the order says and what you might say to a third party and especially what that third party might claim you said, your only safe bet is to just stay away from all of it

  8. #8
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: Will it Violate an Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    Here's a rule I live by. If your first instinct is that your actions may violate an order, it usually will.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Does It Violate the Order of Protection if I Contact My Ex's New Boyfriend

    And let's face it - what's going to happen (legalities notwithstanding)?

    New partner is going to turn around, laugh heartily and make some sort of snarky comment along the lines of "your ex is a loon" and "wow, is this one bitter much? Never got over you, huh?"

    It's just the nature of the beast. You can have the best intentions in the world, but the bottom line is that these are adults, they're going to do what they're going to do and simply because it IS the nature of the beast, likely to stand up for "their man" against what is likely going to be perceived as sour grapes.

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