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  1. #1
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    Nov 2013
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    Lightbulb Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with Child

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of Mississippi,

    I recently took my ex to court about custody of our 9 year old. The judge awarded me sole physical and legal custody. Previously, when we share joint custody my ex would attempt to call my child every single night on my visitation. These were not innocent calls, they were 'mining' calls to see what the child had been doing, day by day, what I had been doing, and questions about my home. When the ex was not able to reach me or my child they would leave me harrassing text saying it was their right to talk to them every single day. I was not allowed this type of access on their time and did not see a reason for such a daily intrustion of my time. My child also did not wish to speak to my ex on a daily basis... My question is.. now that I have sole legal and physical custody, do they have a "right" to call on my time, or is their time now prohibited to their visitation schedule. I wish things were nice between us, but this is my home and I do not like the questions being asked about me during these phone calls. I would like to tell my ex that they can only call in the event of an emergency on my time, but that my child is welcome to call them anytime they wish.. What are my rights under the law??

  2. #2
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with C

    Your 9 year old really doesn't have a voice in this.

    If the situation is as bad as you're saying, you need to prepare yourself for another court hearing; if you cut out phone calls and let your child decide, you are basically guaranteeing that Dad will have you in court.

    This doesn't have to be traumatic though, for any of you. If anything spelling out phone or Skype visitation protects all of you. So, how about you say something along the lines of "I'll have kiddo available between 6-8pm on These Nights so you can talk on the phone or Skype"?

    Legally if it's not addressed in your current parenting plan, you're not doing anything illegal by refusing.

  3. #3
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with C

    Thanks. Yes, I understand they don't get to make that decision, but I do not like the content of the calls as well. I have allowed a consistant weekly, un-monitored call that has been allowed for almost a year. However the ex knows that bedtime is 9pm, and they will often keep them on the phone past this time; when I come in to their bedroom and say it's "bedtime", the ex tells my child they will get off the phone when they are finished talking. This is not good parenting, we have rules in my home and it is not good that one parent is teaching the child to violate them. There is nothing in my order that says anything about phone contact. As long as I am allowing a weekly call for 10-20 mins, I feel like that is adequet, until the ex can learn to 'move on' and stop using my child to get back at me. If ignore other, random requests during the week, or hang up the phone if they refuse to get off at 9pm, I feel like I am within my right to do so, becasue it is my visitation. I do understand, I can alway be taken back to court, anyone can. But am I currently within my rights to make the decision of phone contact, and keep it on my terms??

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with C

    Please don't fall into that trap - Dad doesn't have to follow your rules of parenting. You have your rules, he has his.

    If it's not addressed in your court order then yes, legally you can refuse phone calls. Just be aware that doing so can bite you in the backside, depending on what your judge thinks.

    I still think that getting everything court ordered (because obviously you two aren't going to agree on the subject) would be the best thing.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with C

    Agree with Doggie. I would also agree with you that most judges would find that it's completely UN-reasonable for there to be DAILY contact. Outside of physical visitation, two nights a week with short phone or Skype contact is a reasonable "norm". Most judges "get it" that parents who try to demand this kind of thing are the types that are utterly controlling and have ulterior motives for wanting contact as you've described.

    You might consider killing two birds with one stone: rather than forcing the child to take dad's calls, or putting yourself in a position where dad can claim you are unreasonably limiting contact to ONLY what's in the order, try this:

    ONE night a week (doesn't have to be a SET night, just once at some point), have the child call dad. Maybe just to report some mundane news, or to say "I got an A on my test", or, "I got picked first for kickball", or "this kid in my class had a birthday party and it was lame". This will not only let you have control of the timing issue (have the kid call while you make supper, then call the child to eat, ending the call), but will also create a RECORD that there has been contact initiated on YOUR end, not JUST having to take invasive calls initiated by dad, and it'll make the judge in any later complaint that dad might bring see that you are going above and beyond the court's order to facilitate your child's relationship with the father. Judges like that. It'll show "good faith" on your part, and make it VERY difficult for dad to paint you into a negative position (showcasing dad as the unreasonable one).

    Just something to think about. YOU (or your child) initiating the calls puts MUCH more control back on your side of the court, while simultaneously nipping dad's complaint in the bud. In other words, if he wants to dig a hole for himself to fall into, just smile and hand over the shovel.

  6. #6
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    Jul 2007
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    Florida
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    Default Re: Have Sole Physical and Legal Custody, Ex Wants Intrusive Telephone Contact with C

    Just to tweak the excellent advice given, I would suggest building "dad" time into a reasonable framework (schedule seems to rigid) because, (1) it's the right thing to do, and (2) it demonstrates that you are being reasonable. I disagree slightly with Dogmatique in the sense that, as the custodial parent, you have every right to establish a reasonable bed time for a nine-year-old, and calls after 9pm are disruptive to that. When the child is with you, providing a positively structured routine in a child's daily life is within your purview. It would be nice if dad would follow the same routine for the sake of the child when the child is with him, but unfortunately Dogmatique is correct that he has the right to parent as he sees fit as long as it is not negligent or abusive.

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