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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    3

    Default My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Idaho.

    I've been divorced for some years now and we have joint custody of our two boys, ages 10 and 8. My oldest has ADHD and takes medication to help him. In our divorce decree, it states that we BOTH have to have full medical insurance on them but he has never had it in the last 7 years that we've been apart. I've always had insurance on them. Yesterday, his wife told me that they were nearly out of medication for my son, so I made it a point to go to the pharmacy to refill the script. I had an accident at work and sliced my foot open the other day, so it is difficult for me to move around without pain. I texted my ex husband and asked him if it would be possible for him or his wife to come by my house to pick up their half of my son's medication. I give it to them free of charge, otherwise it would cost them about $150 a month just for their half. I sent the first text at around 2:30. I waited almost 3 hours before I texted again, reminding him that he needs to be on his meds continuously or it will be hurtful to him. Finally by about 6:30, I said that I'd just talk to our local Health and Welfare in the morning since he refuses to talk to me. He had his wife call me and attempt to get upset with me when my only concern is making sure my children have their medications.

    My question is two-sided: 1) What can I do to make sure they're giving my son his medication as directed. It does say in the divorce decree that he is to give them their medications as prescribed by a doctor, but my son tells me regularly that they don't give him his meds over the weekend. And 2) Is there a way to force my ex husband, the custodial parent, to communicate with me about our children? I'm not asking how his day is, I'm trying to make sure my children have what they need. I'm tired of playing the "Go-Between" game, as I call it, because he just won't talk to me. As far as I know, step-parents do not have any legal rights to the step-children, meaning she has no legal right to sign legal documents for them or make non-emergency medical decisions for them. Is this correct? I just really want and need for both households to be on the same page for my children's mental well-being and he is not cooperating at all. Is there any way to force the issue legally?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    I can only imagine the frustration!

    The best suggestion coming to mind (at least short term) is having the court order that Family Wizard as the means to communicate. It is $99/person/year and when you have a situation where the parents cannot or will not communicate, it is priceless.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    I have all the text and call logs, plus voice mails that they've left on my phone, including the one tonight where his wife said that he refused to talk to me and that any communication would be with her. I really don't have the $99 right now to register that, but should be able to come up with something soon. I'm really wondering if I have a legal leg to stand on. I've found from various sites that step-parents in the state of Idaho have no ability to make legal decisions regarding medical care, education or life choices for non-biological children. Does that mean that I can press the issue of HIM talking to me and helping me make these legal decisions? I cannot deal with this high school bs for much longer. It really is ridiculous.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    The only way you can compel him to communicate with you directly is through the court.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    A lot of kids don't take their adhd meds on the weekends. How do you know the doctor is not ok with this? Why do you think it's causing your son harm? If not, why do you care?

    Why do you pay for the medication exclusively? Do you pay child support? Does your court order say who pays for medical expenses?

    Stepmom would not be authorized to sign for your children to have surgery. But if she took them for a routine check-up or signed a permission slip for a school field trip with dad's approval, there's nothing illegal about that. You might think she's inserting herself where she shouldn't be, ethically speaking, and you might be right. A judge may be able to put something in your court order to help the communication piece, but that can only take you so far. You are partly going to have to learn how to fight this battle yourself, unfortunately. Stand your ground.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    Indeed, many patients do not always take their meds, but Stratera is a medication that needs to keep a constant and level balance in his blood stream in order to work effectively. He is on a higher dose, so frequently skipping his meds can cause a higher risk of mental side effects such as depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts or actions. As I have stated previously, his doctor has stated many times that he needs to be given his dosage constantly and consistently in order to achieve the desired results.

    I pay for medical insurance because I do not bounce around from job to job like my ex husband does. I have had 2 jobs since I left him 7 years ago, he has a new job at least every year, if not more. He pays child support as his jobs are usually managerial level while mine are not. I chose not to go higher in my field so that I have more time to spend with my children. The court order says that the custodial parent at the time of the medical cost is responsible for paying the bill. However, since my ex does not have insurance, if I did not allow him to use mine, he wouldn't take them to the doctor on his weeks.

    He insists that his wife, my children's step-mom, be the only way we communicate, and that normally causes something to go wrong. She either miss communicates or doesn't pass along information at all. It has caused doctor's appointments to be missed, important information about my children's school to be ignored (including a parent/teacher conference that she set up, then didn't bother to pass along the information and then neglected to show up), and other problems with their basic care. When my children have illnesses such as the ear infection my youngest had, she neglected to pass along his antibiotics and then when I went to the house the next day when she told me to pick them up, she wasn't even there. I ended up having to get the doctor to give me yet another script for antibiotics. It is a constant thing. I'm tired of my children's care being neglected because of her.

    Quote Quoting FatherWhoWon
    View Post
    A lot of kids don't take their adhd meds on the weekends. How do you know the doctor is not ok with this? Why do you think it's causing your son harm? If not, why do you care?

    Why do you pay for the medication exclusively? Do you pay child support? Does your court order say who pays for medical expenses?

    Stepmom would not be authorized to sign for your children to have surgery. But if she took them for a routine check-up or signed a permission slip for a school field trip with dad's approval, there's nothing illegal about that. You might think she's inserting herself where she shouldn't be, ethically speaking, and you might be right. A judge may be able to put something in your court order to help the communication piece, but that can only take you so far. You are partly going to have to learn how to fight this battle yourself, unfortunately. Stand your ground.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    228

    Default Re: My Ex Husband Refuses to Talk to Me, Insists I Talk to His Wife

    Similar situation.. I simply refused communication with the "wife" because I was not ordered to co parent with the wife. I tried at first but she was doing the same.. not passing certain information, etc. etc. and so I decided what was best for us was to simply parallel parent. I just refused to co parent with anyone but their father and if he chose not to, then I did what I had to do while the children were with me on my parenting time. There is not much you can do, you cannot force him to make sure the child is taking meds, you cannot force his wife to stay out of your coparenting. However, you can simply refuse communication with the wife and tell her politely you are not coparenting with her, you need to coparent with your ex. You can only write everything down (and I mean EVERYTHING, with dates and times). Third party interference is absolutely ridiculous. Dad needs to be responsible about getting the correct medication HIMSELF, paying for it himself, etc. Follow your order TO THE T. Then if you still have issues, file contempt I would assume and get everything written in black and white that hasn't been working, including no third party interference if your state allows it.

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