Absent Father Now Trying for Full Custody and Lies on Court Papers

[0303EHM]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

I will try to sum most of this up as best as possible but I'm sure it will be quite lengthy nonetheless...(in order to better understand the situation and what's transpired)

Husband and I split a year and a half ago in CA. Although we lived 10mins from one another, I was primary (custodial) parent from day one. Kids spent 90% of their time with me. (Initially I was a stay at home mom) Husband's visitation equalled about 2 weekends per month - 3 at most. (he was always very sporadic about this. Calling the children was also very sporadic. (they were 1 and almost 3, when we split.) Husband has long history of lying, anger management problems (which he has previously been in anger management counseling for), PTSD episodes, and 2 previous suicide threats. One of which is documented with the local Sheriff's Dept. When we first split, I would not allow the kids to go stay with him overnight, the first three months because I found out he'd moved in with a couple he found on CraigsList that rented him a bedroom (he didn't know them previously) and I learned they had numerous dogs that were urinating and defecating throughout the house. (this was actually confirmed by husband because oldest mentioned it to me - I asked Husband and he said it was true!)

I tried from the time of our split, for about 7 months, to have the kids call him a lot...I sent emails with pictures often and never got any responses ever. (and I know he received them because I finally asked him later...and he said he had.) He was very sporadic with calling or returning calls.

On a visit in June, I told him our youngest was getting over a respiratory infection, that she was on antibiotics and needed to take it easy, not go swimming, etc. He scoffed and said "if I want to take my kids swimming, I can...that's dumb." The kids were with him for 3 days. On that Sun evening when he returned the kids, our youngest was hacking and coughing so horribly that they were crying inconsolably about it. I sat down with them right away and noticed their breathing seemed odd and rapid. I called a friend to watch out older child and took off to the ER. Oxygen level was poor and a chest x-ray revealed a punctured lung. My child also reeked of chlorine. I was in Children's Hospital with them for 8 days. During that time, Husband hadn't shown up. On day 6, he called to argue with me and said he wanted full custody. I told him that was great coming from a dad with such sporadic parenting and that hadn't come to see his child 6 days into their hospital stay...he showed up the next day for 40mins and that was it for the entire 8 days. Dr's and law enforcement told me they couldn't really "prove" he'd actually done anything to her except possibly "neglect".

Visitation didn't occur again for 2 more weeks following release from the hospital. A month between Oct-Nov went by with no visitation from him. In Dec he wanted the kids for a 4 day stint and that had never happened. I agreed. Children returned and THAT night I got them back, youngest had extreme vaginal irritation and blood coming from her vagina. Went straight to ER. Law enforcement was called. She had an exam and the first Dr said there was vaginal trauma with a tear, but the second Dr said she was in tact and with no semen present, they could not conclude she had been sexually abused...but again, possibly "neglected." At this point, my attorney issued a letter to Husband's attorney, documenting both of these incidents that occured while in his care for several days at a time. Husband went ballistic and said he couldn't believe we'd dare insinuate anything like that about him. Since detectives said their hands were tied to pin anything on him without witnesses, etc, there was nothing else they could do.
Our letter to Husband's attorney state if there was even ONE more small incident, there would be no more visitation and we'd be going for full custody.

January came...Husband said he had been looking at jobs and even though he was offered a 98,000/yr job in the same state we were in, that he actually wanted to move out of state and pursue something that would "make him happiest"...he went out of state, interviewed and said he'd be moving out of state to pursue this other job. Throughout this entire time frame, I'd gotten flowers, letters, etc with him asking me to forgive him and give him another chance,...that he'd stop lying, that he'd seek mental help...that he was sorry he'd mentioned suicide (I saved all these letters, cards, etc too). April came...he said he'd be leaving May 1st. He missed our oldest's birthday...never called or anything. The NIGHT before he was supposed to move away, he sent me a text, asked to say bye to the kids that night. (they are 2 & 4 at this time). I take them and tell him maybe take them for ice cream...he does for about an hour, then I pick them up. He leaves for out of state.

Since my original plan with Husband, was to move to TX, I decided to stick to that. I love TX, cost of living and many things are better in TX compared to CA. I knew my children and myself would thrive here. I notified Husband that since he'd moved out of state (to the midwest) that we were going to relocate to TX and actually be closer to him anyway (although still not the same state.)
He said "Great! Sounds good!" And the kids and I made our move in June. Last time Husband saw kids was last day of April. He hasn't tried to since. Calling is very sporadic...sometimes it's a few calls and then he falls off the map for a week or two, etc. As of this past June, he hasn't been paying his court ordered support. He's been paying about a quarter of it (yes, that part is being garnished and the rest should be as well...but long story on how he worked on messing with that...) Regardless, he is now in arrears from June until present time. We were supposed to go to court in Sept, he asked for a continuance. It was continued to Nov.
He also missed our youngest's birthday in Sept and called a few days later after someone reminded him...and sent a gift almost a week late. (Another odd fact? Youngest was constantly having to go to Dr for breathing troubles and vaginal irritation while Husband still had visitation but since the kids have been with me alone the past 6.5 months, she has had NO issues...she had 2 ear infections and a flu. That's been IT. Odd to me...but I know, I'm not a Dr, etc, etc...)

Fast forward to Oct 1st...I get a text out of nowhere that says "I'm coming to TX in Nov and I'm exercising my parental rights to see the kids...if you don't let me, there's a letter already written to your attorney from mine if you try to deny me." (Uhhhhh ok???? I am looking at this thinking "Deny you? You've never made an effort!") So I tell him "No problem...as it gets closer, we can discuss the details as far as pick up/drop off" ...He never answered me. That week, my attorney gets a letter from his, saying he WILL have the children and I cannot deny him that. The kicker is, this PAST week, we also got paperwork from him and his attorney saying he is coming after me for full custody of the children now. His "statement of facts" are some of the most outlandish, crazy things I've heard in my LIFE! He states that I am "most likely bipolar" and unstable because "who picks up and moves their kids out of state away from family that loves them??" (he is talking about my domineering parents) He also states that I have "been flying all over and meeting strange men off the internet, exposing the children to strange men and putting them in harm's way. (This has NEVER happened.) He goes on to say he thinks I took off to TX with a "british national" and moved in with him and the kids...(uhhhh??? your guess is as good as mine, but it stinks of something my crazy mom would make up...she is hateful towards me for moving "her grandchildren" out of state and my own mother has since joined forces with Husband to try to make life miserable. I moved here by MYSELF, with my two kids...we're the only three on our rental agreement and so on.)

He then also states he "believes" I have no job...no car...also all untrue. (I found a restaurant job not long after moving here and worked it until I could get into a local school here as an assistant teacher. And I am now assitant teaching here.) He also says I'm "alienating the children from him" - also not true and I have the phone records and ALL texts saved, to back it up. He is also upset the kids are on speaker phone when he does talk to them. Well, they're 3 and 4...they dont hold the phone to talk endlessly and if I've ever tried to let them hold it, they hang up on everyone. Besides, what's the big deal? He needs totally private phone convo with a 3 and 4yr old??)
He then states I have "mental problems" and he worries about the kids being with me because I was once hospitalized for a "nervous breakdown". What he is referring to, is ME, going to my regular Dr, telling him I WANT to go to the memorial hospital and talk to someone there. (this was because I was so upset and distraught over Husband's suicide threats, violent outburts, lying episodes, etc. and didn't want to wait for referrals to be processed,... Dr said "ok, go over there and tell them" (Mind you, this was about THREE YEARS AGO!) So I went to the ER, said I wanted to be admitted and talk to a Dr. They did what I asked. I talked to the Dr...she said "Well, I'm glad you want to talk to someone about what you've been going through but you definitely don't need to be here - let's get you in touch with a good counselor or counseling program." (I had been at the hospital LESS than 24hrs, on my own accord...left and decided to do individual counseling to find coping mechanisms to deal with husband and learn to set boundaries with my controlling parents.) And that was the end of it. I've NEVER been suicidal...never been diagnosed with a mental problem, have ZERO criminal history...I think I had a speeding ticket in 2003? lol...I used to work in law enforcement and my kids are happy, well adjusted, bright, amazing little people! They are thriving here in Texas, have lots of friends, we have great neighbors, they love their teachers and I actually teach at THEIR school. (so yeah...I work and obviously have a car too lol...)

Anyway, my attorney says he doesn't just get to make up what he wants and slap it on paper and think he gets the kids. And unfortunately for him, there's a paper trail 100 miles long to debunk his lies and to show SOLID PROOF for his mental issues, suicide threats, etc. Then he chooses a job out of state that pays less, over a job IN state that pays more, right by his kids...moves away, hasn't seen them for 6.5months...is wayyyyy behind on support and has NOW had court continued to Dec and wants full custody. (oh and he wants to try to eek in ONE visit for 48hrs to them in Nov, before court.) She says his request for full custody is just not happening. There's a STACK of overwhelming evidence against him. And he has not tried to be a good, consistent father.
I guess I really don't feel like he has much of a chance either with his track record, but reading all the lies he wrote was awful...and it makes me sad for the kids because he really isn't putting them first in any of this. I guess part of me wanted to get all of this off my chest and the other part wants some sort of encouraging words I guess? lol I'm glad I've kept every note, text, etc from day one of all of this and that there's police reports etc to back up everything on my side. His side of the story...uhhh no. And I'm really just shocked he's even attemtping this. My attorney thinks its just so his attorney can squeeze more $ out of him because she's very familiar with his attorney and his MO.

Thanks for listening and any advice, tips and so on...I guess if I was posing an actual QUESTION, are there any other things/info I should be armed with in this instance? We have phone records, texts messages, letters and cards from him to me, we have character statements (a LOT of them)...police report, medical records for kids...and I have taken notes/journaled about most events from day one...thanks again.

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**I should also add, he has 2 older sons from a first marriage and he ended up abandoning them after our kids were born. His oldest changed his last name to his step dad's as soon as he turned 18 and now the younger one (who is 16) has been adopted by the step-dad too because Husband signed his parental rights away a year ago, I found out. (he hasnt told me and keeps saying he's paying support for that son...but pay stubs, and health insurance AND the son's name change gave him away.)**

[Dogmatique]

Honestly? He's delusional if he thinks this will actually work.

Your attorney is correct - listen to your attorney