You need to keep everything in a single thread. It's a waste of our time to have things spread all in multiple threads.
You can file in Virginia after you have lived here six months. You will absolutely need a lawyer. This isn't a slam-dunk unless the father is either deceased or is voluntarily willing to surrender his rights. You can certainly make the case of abandonment, but he still needs to be notified. This is not a trivial undertaking, and you appear not to be able to do the basic research nor follow simple procedural instructions, so I suspect there is no way you'll make this happen pro se.

