Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    14

    Default Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California
    My ex and I have been seperated over three years and share 50/50 custody. Since January of this year I began to have the kids more and more frequently due to ex either A. Work related issues or B. personal reasons. Most times we were able to swap dates but it got so out of control ( I started having them up to 80% of the month) that I told him I'm no longer readjusting our girls schedule or mine because its too confusing to our girls. I offered to always take the kids so they are with a parent but cannot always provide make-up time. In may of this year I took him back to child support as I have not worked due to brain surgery last year that's left me disabled. When we had our court date I did not bring up the fact I've had the kids more. I simply left it assumed that we were still 50/50. Now my ex sent me an email stating that he will no longer give me first rights of refusal because he can be held liable to pay me more child support. Until we officially file a custody court order (which we've never done) is it legal for him to not offer me the kids and instead hire a sitter? We live in the same town and up until these last few months we have never had any issues. I've also only asked once for a weekend switch in the last year. When its my time I always stay with the kids and if not I've always offered to have him look after them.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    Yes, it's perfectly legal.

    If you want ROFR, you'll have to have it court ordered.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    Ok. Then I guess my next question is: Does it look good when we go into court and I have an email that shows that he will no longer offer me the kids because he doesn't want to be liable to pay more child support? I have nine months of documentation that show that I've always taken the kids and now that child support *might be an issue he is now no longer offering me them first? This is not putting the kids best interest first and I'm very sad over this issue and until I get a court date I need to know how to handle this situation.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    That honestly depends on the judge. Some will see it as an attempt by you to sling mud at Dad. Otherwise might frown upon Dad.

    But really, what good is it going to do? Just go back to court and request ROFR.

    Bear in mind that ROFR does NOT necessarily mean that the parent cannot utilize daycare of their own choosing.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    I understand. If I wanted to mud sling though I would have brought up the difference in custody over the last 8 months when we had our child support court hearing a few days ago. Taking away the kids because of the possibility of money is sad and so much for putting the kids first. Hopefully I can get a ROFR that works so that I can take the kids when he has to be gone overnight or during the day on his days when they are on winter break. It's what we had always done before so hopefully I can just get it in an order.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    Quick question - have you applied for disability?

    If not, I'm not sure exactly what is going to change regarding child support; your loss of income doesn't necessarily mean Dad will be picking up the slack.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    I have and I'm still in the middle of the process. When we went to court last week my support went up by $300. This was with 50/50 custody and assuming I make $690 a month in earned income. It was my suggestion because I did need my child support to be raised since its been three years since we've gone to court over it however I did not want it raised so much that it was unfair of an amount to my ex. Prior to my surgery I worked off and on as an independent contractor with several different businesses. I was even a stay at home mom at times but never took ex to court as it was my choice an not his responsibility to take on. This all taken into account my ex was very angry that he has to even pay child support in the first place and was furious that it went up $300. So now out of fear and anger and no court order he is taking away my request to have the kids when he cannot be with them. Even though I have consistently shown that its about the kids and not about money.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm reading through the forum and I notice that a lot of people are against "right of first refusal". What do parents do then instead? I've always offered the kids to my ex and him to me prior to this. Isn't in the best interest of the kids to be with one of their parents? Especially if they live within 10miles of each other?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    Quote Quoting Lunatink
    View Post
    I have and I'm still in the middle of the process. When we went to court last week my support went up by $300. This was with 50/50 custody and assuming I make $690 a month in earned income. It was my suggestion because I did need my child support to be raised since its been three years since we've gone to court over it however I did not want it raised so much that it was unfair of an amount to my ex. Prior to my surgery I worked off and on as an independent contractor with several different businesses. I was even a stay at home mom at times but never took ex to court as it was my choice an not his responsibility to take on. This all taken into account my ex was very angry that he has to even pay child support in the first place and was furious that it went up $300. So now out of fear and anger and no court order he is taking away my request to have the kids when he cannot be with them. Even though I have consistently shown that its about the kids and not about money.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm reading through the forum and I notice that a lot of people are against "right of first refusal". What do parents do then instead? I've always offered the kids to my ex and him to me prior to this. Isn't in the best interest of the kids to be with one of their parents? Especially if they live within 10miles of each other?
    People tend not to be in favor of ROFR because many, many parents abuse it. For example, some parents insist that children can't spend time with extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, adult siblings) unless they are first offered the time. Some parents insist that children cannot spend the night at a friend's house unless they are offered the time first...and all kinds of other scenarios.

    And when I am talking about those scenarios I am not talking about times when a parent actually needs a babysitter, but rather the parent wants to allow the children to spend time with extended family or friends. Then of course there is also the scenario where the parent is remarried, maybe has more children with the new spouse, and the other parent still invokes ROFR if the parent themselves cannot be present for part of the parenting period. That particular scenario is iffier...particularly when the parent might have to be gone for most or all of the parenting period, but it still makes the issue complicated.

    There is also the situation where a parent basically does not exercise their parenting time at all, but gives it all to the grandparents...which is a very valid reason to exercise ROFR, but still ends up being complicated.

    Unfortunately ROFR works best with parents who are flexible with each other and would offer the time to the other parent anyway, even if there was no ROFR in their orders...and therefore don't NEED an ROFR clause.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    13

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order (Ca)

    Quote Quoting Lunatink
    View Post
    I have and I'm still in the middle of the process. When we went to court last week my support went up by $300. This was with 50/50 custody and assuming I make $690 a month in earned income. It was my suggestion because I did need my child support to be raised since its been three years since we've gone to court over it however I did not want it raised so much that it was unfair of an amount to my ex. Prior to my surgery I worked off and on as an independent contractor with several different businesses. I was even a stay at home mom at times but never took ex to court as it was my choice an not his responsibility to take on. This all taken into account my ex was very angry that he has to even pay child support in the first place and was furious that it went up $300. So now out of fear and anger and no court order he is taking away my request to have the kids when he cannot be with them. Even though I have consistently shown that its about the kids and not about money.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm reading through the forum and I notice that a lot of people are against "right of first refusal". What do parents do then instead? I've always offered the kids to my ex and him to me prior to this. Isn't in the best interest of the kids to be with one of their parents? Especially if they live within 10miles of each other?
    This isn't from a legal standpoint, but just because I can see things from "the other side," I thought I would chime in. I just wanted to point out that while you are being quite fair to your husband, $300/month is quite large jump. Right now I don't pay support due to 50/50 custody, but if we suddenly had to pay an extra $300/month I don't know if my family would be able to stay in our house (in fact I'm almost positive we would have to move). So from that standpoint, I would say it is entirely possible that the sudden addition of a $300 bill may have put a strain on your ex's budget. Perhaps if it went up any more he would be having trouble making ends meet.

    Since the two of you seemed to be on fairly good terms pre-support raise, perhaps if you sat down and explained to him that you have no interest in raising support yet again...just my opinion but it might help smooth things over and get back to how they were. You know, kinda coax him out of panic mode?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Does Rights of First Refusal Have to Be in a Court Order

    $690 is a very low imputed income for CA. $1300 would be reasonable. It appears you and dad need to reassess and make co-parenting modifications out of court that work. You have a disability. Dad has his own bills to pay.

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Custody and Visitation Issues: No Court Order - What Are My Visitation and Custody Rights
    By Mlbarnard73 in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-26-2012, 12:57 PM
  2. Motions: How to Handle Appellate Court's Refusal to Rule on a Motion
    By guerneca in forum Moving Violations, Parking and Traffic Tickets
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-24-2011, 07:27 PM
  3. Restraining Order and Refusal of Entry to a Public Establishment
    By energia84 in forum Orders of Protection
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-13-2010, 02:06 PM
  4. Refusal to Pay New Support Order
    By distressedmom in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-28-2010, 06:07 PM
  5. Rights Of 3rd Party Buyer When Right Of First Refusal Exercised
    By Bridget in forum Buying, Selling and Conveying Real Estate
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-16-2008, 10:52 AM
 
 
Sponsored Links

Legal Help, Information and Resources