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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    1

    Default How Does an Unmarried Mother Establish Custody

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California. I was dating someone for 7 years. I became pregnant this year in June. The baby is due in March. The father wants me to abort and is threatening that I will put myself in a bad situation if I don't. I do not want to abort. My question is if I do not put his name on the birth certificate and he will not be present for the birth do I have to file for custody in court? I'm worried he will be angry and make things worse in court out of spite.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    228

    Default Re: Unmarried Mother

    You don't have to do anything except take care of yourself/baby. The father will have to file for visitation and paternity test once the baby is born, if he chooses to do so. You don't have to do anything. I would save all incriminating/harassing text/calls because when you file for child support, if dad DOES file for visitation and wants to "be angry and make things worse in court out of spite", your attorney can remind him that he threatened you if you did not abort the baby and that he didn't want it anyhow. Although if he is threatening you, I would block his number and file a police report ASAP. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    13

    Default Re: Unmarried Mother

    Quote Quoting Chede
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    You don't have to do anything except take care of yourself/baby. The father will have to file for visitation and paternity test once the baby is born, if he chooses to do so. You don't have to do anything. I would save all incriminating/harassing text/calls because when you file for child support, if dad DOES file for visitation and wants to "be angry and make things worse in court out of spite", your attorney can remind him that he threatened you if you did not abort the baby and that he didn't want it anyhow. Although if he is threatening you, I would block his number and file a police report ASAP. Good luck.
    Just throwing it out there-but perhaps (in addition to this ^) you could also look I to a restraining order since he is threatening you. It would probably depend on what the threat is. You may even be able to get the baby on the restraining order. Not 100% sure, but if I were you I would look into it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    4,494

    Default Re: Unmarried Mother

    Restraining orders are useless pieces of paper. You know how many people are killed with a restraining order "protecting" them?

    OP, you CAN'T name a father on the birth certificate he has to acknowledge paternity in order to be named on the birth certificate, so you'll be happy to know that your child will one day see their birth certificate and see their father is named --------------- (which is exactly what they put on birth certificates). That's gonna be great for them.

    Secondly, as long as you never file for public assistance, no one will ask him for money. You shouldn't ask him for money either, especially since it appears you would rather not be around him.

    Third, if he sues you for paternity, you will have to learn to co-parent. He can request (and be granted) the ability to have his name put on the birth certificate, the baby to have his last name AND a parenting plan.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Unmarried Mother

    I do not want to abort.
    Then don't.

    My question is if I do not put his name on the birth certificate and he will not be present for the birth do I have to file for custody in court?
    As CC has noted, you don't put anyone on the BC. He would have to acknowledge paternity voluntarily, or take you to court to do so via DNA testing. As far as being present for the birth, that's completely irrelevant. NO ONE has the inherent right to be with you in the delivery room. Not even if you were married. If you don't want him there, he can't be there. If you want him there and he doesn't want to be, you can't force him. It has zero bearing on any custody proceedings.

    I'm worried he will be angry and make things worse in court out of spite.
    Move out of state and support the child 100% on your own. Alternatively, if he chooses to pursue paternity, you're going to have to learn to get along. Should it come to that, retain counsel and listen ONLY to your lawyer. DO NOT listen to anything he has to say, and communicate ONLY through counsel.

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