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  1. #1
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    Sep 2013
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    Default My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    My question involves juvenile law in the State of: California
    Im recently 16 my boyfriend is currently 17. He is a senior and i am a sophmore. We started seeing eachother early this year, I told my parents and they werent happy. they dont like the fact that hes a year and 10 months older than me. theyve threatened to move me schools and they say once hes 18 (november 29) theyre going tp "turn him in" we have not participated in any kind of sexual activity and dont plan too. ive told them that but they refuse to listen or even meet him. im just wondering what kind of legal trouble they could get him in if hes 18 and were still together and still have not had sex
    please respond as soon as possible thank you

  2. #2
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    Default Re: 16 Year Old 18 Year Old Parent Disaproval

    If they say "no contact", they mean "no contact".

    That's pretty much the bottom line.

    From what I've learned from our California experts (Hi Carl!), it would be somewhat difficult to actually persuade the DA to press charges if there's no evidence of harm or wrongdoing.

    But stand by for other responses.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    Quote Quoting cali_97
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    My question involves juvenile law in the State of: California
    Im recently 16 my boyfriend is currently 17.
    Since you are a minor, you are generally subject to your parents' rules. Failure to comply with those rules can get you into trouble at home and, under certain circumstances, in trouble with the law. Ditto with the young man.

    He is a senior and i am a sophmore. We started seeing eachother early this year, I told my parents and they werent happy.
    Were you open to them? Or, did they find out, confront you, and THEN you opened up about the relationship? There is a difference. If you were the one that was up front and admitted to dating or wanting to date the boy, then I'd say that was proper. If you have been sneaking around behind their back and they caught you and THEN you 'fessed up, then I can certainly see their ire.

    we have not participated in any kind of sexual activity and dont plan too.
    That's good. And, the law allows you to date, just not have sex (or fondling, groping, etc.) - even if you are both underage.

    im just wondering what kind of legal trouble they could get him in if hes 18 and were still together and still have not had sex
    please respond as soon as possible thank you
    If he continues to see you in spite of their wishes, they might be able to get a restraining order against him ... maybe.

    If he encourages you to disobey your parents or be outside your parents' control, then he can possibly be charged with a crime for contributing to your delinquency even if he is under 18.

    While I can't say that I agree with your parents' blanket prohibition (assuming that there's been no funny business, sneaking around, or inappropriate behavior alleged), they do have every legal right to limit your contacts and determine who you date. You can either try to discuss this reasonably and rationally with them, or, you see him only at school and those school events that mom and dad permit you to to go to, and when you turn 18 if you still want to see each other, you can do as you wish.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    no i came out and told them i wanted to date him and my mom said its illegal to date an adult so were techincally not dating because we agreed we wouldnt until they warmed up to the idea but dating is just an easier explaination and i told her we're within 3 years of age dont have sex or anything like that. since ive told them theyve taken everything but my computer so i have no way of talking to him. i only see him at school related events but my mom still says its illegal and when hes 18 she wants him arrested. im aware i can get in trouble at home but what kind of trouble with the law could i get in?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    Quote Quoting cali_97
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    no i came out and told them i wanted to date him and my mom said its illegal to date an adult so were techincally not dating because we agreed we wouldnt until they warmed up to the idea
    Well, it is not "illegal," per se, but trouble could ensue if he continues to see you against your parents' wishes.

    since ive told them theyve taken everything but my computer so i have no way of talking to him. i only see him at school related events but my mom still says its illegal and when hes 18 she wants him arrested.
    She's bluffing or she doesn't know the law. Unless there are things going on that you have not stated, he has not apparently committed any crime for which he COULD be arrested.

    im aware i can get in trouble at home but what kind of trouble with the law could i get in?
    You? That depends on what you do. If you are out of your parents' control (i.e. disobeying them) you can be referred to juvenile probation as a status offender. If you commit some other act, you could be charged with that. But, simply to see an older boy (without sex, fondling, groping, etc.) is not a crime by itself.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    so if we continue to see eachother and theres no inappropriate behaivor and i dont sneak around or lie to them about it then she cant do much other than possibly put a restraining order on him

  7. #7
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    Quote Quoting cali_97
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    so if we continue to see eachother and theres no inappropriate behaivor and i dont sneak around or lie to them about it then she cant do much other than possibly put a restraining order on him
    I cannot possibly hypothesize every possible problem that might get him into trouble - or you, but given what you have written I see little chance for any legal ramifications here. Though the potential family ones can be great ... new school, homeschooling, being grounded at home for the next couple of years, etc.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    She can do plenty to you. You are still under her care, custody and control. She may or may not be able to get a restraining order but she can ground you, take you to and from school to limit your opportunity to see him, take the door off the hinges, move your computer out into family space or remove it altogether, cancel your cell phone, etc. The law is NOT going to force her to allow you to see him if she doesn't want you to.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: My Parents Won't Let Me Date My Boyfriend

    It's not that simple, hon.

    If your parents get a restraining order against him...this is some ways of how it can SERIOUSLY screw up his life.

    Most people do not realize that a court-ordered Restraining Order can have a severe impact on their lives. The effects can include but are not limited to:

    Affecting your credit record – severely. We’re told it’s like having a collection on your record.
    Affecting job opportunities
    Renting an apartment (or sometimes being asked to leave your current apartment)
    Owning a firearm
    What happens if you are stopped for a traffic violation, even a minor one like rolling through a stop sign.
    Ability to be cleared to work e.g. as a youth mentor
    Anything requiring a background check or security clearance


    Seriously. You are 16. You are under the control of your parents until the day you turn 18. Obey their rules, no matter how much you think they suck.

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