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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    Default What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: mn
    Live in Minnesota. My daughter is 5 years old. I do not work as of now and I am a full time student and a student since this past summer. I live with mom and siblings who are now adults. My childs father and I were never married. We lived together until my child was 1. When my child was two in 2010, she stayed with me. In 2011, I was struggling trying to find a good job thinking about the future for my child and i. I had no babysitters in the day time and my childs father's parents and siblings who he lives with would switch watching her during the day. I would have her over the weekends. In the beginning of 2011, I have traveled out of state in Chicago for two months getting work experiences. In 2012, I have stayed in Chicago for two months during the summer and worked at an assisted senior living home gaining more experience. Before pre school started in September 2011 and before I knew any of my rights as a mother, I talked to the father of my child about the preschool I had researched and about enrolling her. He told me he already enrolled her in preschool. *I thought to myself why did he not talk to me about it or tell me? As she attended pre school, I have learned from my mother that she had helped my childs father enroll her in preschool and it was a late enrollment. So, that meant he did not enroll her when I talked to him about preschool and when he told me he had already enrolled her. There was a tuition for that preschool that my mother helped enrolled. My mother being the grandmother that she is helped pay a part of the tuition. My mother did not want my daughter to miss a chance in preschool. So, my daughter stayed with her father during the weekdays since preschool was closer to his home and I had her over the weekends. In oct through February, 4 months, I went out of state in california due to a job there. As preschool ended before summer this year, 2013, she spent most of the summer with me as I stopped working in may and became a student completing summer classes online being able to watch my daughter. I have had a few jobs here and there for a short time in the past, I am going to school now as a full time student and bettering my future for my daughter. As I spoke to my child's father about enrolling her into kindergarten, he again told me he already enrolled her. He is not letting me know and he is not telling me things of what he is doing with my daughter. I am not going to let this happen again not knowing what he's doing with my daughter. The week before kindergarten started which was three weeks ago, he picked her up from me on Wednesday night at*10 pm. I did not know that he was coming, but let her go with him. I told him that I was going to pick her up that weekend on sunday at*11am. I got to his place at*11 am*and my child and him were not there. I came back at*8 pm*the same day and he was at his house, but my child was not there. I came to his house Monday to speak with him about my child, how my child will be attending school in my area and he will have her for the weekend and that he did not talk to me about kindergarten at all or what he is doing with her and that I wish he will talk with me more about things in the future. He refused to let me have her. I went home and did some research online about my rights as a mother. Last week, she started kindergarten, I drove an hour wed and thurs to pick her up after school and dropped her off in the morning at her dads in time for the bus. As i told him i was going to pick her up, he would tell me that I better not pick her up and that he better see her on the bus getting home. I let her dad have her for the weekend. This week, I picked her up monday and dropped her off tuesday morning in time for the bus. Tuesday, he told me that he will now be picking her up from school from now on. I knew my rights and have told him that I am the mother of my child and I have the rights over my child and he doesn't. *I have told him that i have the rights to call the cops to bring her back to me. He ignored and kept doing what hes doing. Yesterday, I enrolled her into a school nearby my location. he later texted me that he will not let my child go to that school and that it is not happening. The school spoke with the father when they received a fax from the school I enrolled my child in to see if this school transfer was correct. I*told the school that she is now attending that her last day will be this friday and she is starting at the new school monday. They could not do anything I said or let my child come with me anymore because my name was no where on the papers that her father had submitted to the school. My daughters father has said that if I come to the school again to pick up my daughter, the principal will call the cops on me.

    I have never asked money from childs father. I pay for all my childs things that she has with me at home. Childs father and I have never been through court. No child support and no custody order. Again, we were never married. What are my rights? What can and what shall i do? What can I not do?

    My downfall
    - child has been living with dad in 2011 and 2012 during preschool while I had her over weekends.
    - I do not work right now.
    - unstable jobs in past, perhaps?

    Truth please.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    13

    Default Re: What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    I don't know a lot about all this stuff, but I do know that in most states an unmarried father has 0 rights as a father until he goes to court to establish paternity and request them. Typically the MOTHER has assumed sole legal and physical custody in a case such as you described (unwed parents, no custody order, no paternity established).

    That said, I'm not sure what the appropriate legal action would be. Complete guesswork here: I would think that him denying you access to your daughter (of whom you have sole custody and he has 0 rights to) would be considered kidnapping.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    Mom has acknowledged him as father; while it isn't court ordered it does render Mom virtually powerless in terms of getting LEOs involved.

    And since she voluntarily let the child live with him, to turn around now and throw it back in his face is not going to impress a judge.

    With that said, absent an order actually preventing Mom from pick up, the school had absolutely NO RIGHT to withhold that child. I suggest Mom reminds them of this - they could be in serious hot water.

    Mom can file immediately for temporary custody while the matter goes through the court, but she needs to expect that Dad will do the exact same thing (and establish paternity in the process).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    13

    Default Re: What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Mom has acknowledged him as father; while it isn't court ordered it does render Mom virtually powerless in terms of getting LEOs involved.

    And since she voluntarily let the child live with him, to turn around now and throw it back in his face is not going to impress a judge.

    With that said, absent an order actually preventing Mom from pick up, the school had absolutely NO RIGHT to withhold that child. I suggest Mom reminds them of this - they could be in serious hot water.

    Mom can file immediately for temporary custody while the matter goes through the court, but she needs to expect that Dad will do the exact same thing (and establish paternity in the process).
    That makes sense.

    So...in this case, would it also be fair to advise her to document dad's attempts to withhold the child from her? I'd imagine that aspect of the situation would make dad look bad in court?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,474

    Default Re: What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    Quote Quoting gosng
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: mn
    Live in Minnesota. My daughter is 5 years old. I do not work as of now and I am a full time student and a student since this past summer. I live with mom and siblings who are now adults. My childs father and I were never married. We lived together until my child was 1. When my child was two in 2010, she stayed with me.

    In 2011, I was struggling trying to find a good job thinking about the future for my child and i. I had no babysitters in the day time and my childs father's parents and siblings who he lives with would switch watching her during the day. I would have her over the weekends. In the beginning of 2011, I have traveled out of state in Chicago for two months getting work experiences. In 2012, I have stayed in Chicago for two months during the summer and worked at an assisted senior living home gaining more experience.

    Before pre school started in September 2011 and before I knew any of my rights as a mother, I talked to the father of my child about the preschool I had researched and about enrolling her. He told me he already enrolled her in preschool. *I thought to myself why did he not talk to me about it or tell me? As she attended pre school, I have learned from my mother that she had helped my childs father enroll her in preschool and it was a late enrollment. So, that meant he did not enroll her when I talked to him about preschool and when he told me he had already enrolled her. There was a tuition for that preschool that my mother helped enrolled. My mother being the grandmother that she is helped pay a part of the tuition. My mother did not want my daughter to miss a chance in preschool.

    So, my daughter stayed with her father during the weekdays since preschool was closer to his home and I had her over the weekends. In oct through February, 4 months, I went out of state in california due to a job there. As preschool ended before summer this year, 2013, she spent most of the summer with me as I stopped working in may and became a student completing summer classes online being able to watch my daughter. I have had a few jobs here and there for a short time in the past, I am going to school now as a full time student and bettering my future for my daughter.

    As I spoke to my child's father about enrolling her into kindergarten, he again told me he already enrolled her. He is not letting me know and he is not telling me things of what he is doing with my daughter. I am not going to let this happen again not knowing what he's doing with my daughter. The week before kindergarten started which was three weeks ago, he picked her up from me on Wednesday night at*10 pm. I did not know that he was coming, but let her go with him. I told him that I was going to pick her up that weekend on sunday at*11am. I got to his place at*11 am*and my child and him were not there. I came back at*8 pm*the same day and he was at his house, but my child was not there. I came to his house Monday to speak with him about my child, how my child will be attending school in my area and he will have her for the weekend and that he did not talk to me about kindergarten at all or what he is doing with her and that I wish he will talk with me more about things in the future. He refused to let me have her. I went home and did some research online about my rights as a mother. Last week, she started kindergarten, I drove an hour wed and thurs to pick her up after school and dropped her off in the morning at her dads in time for the bus.

    As i told him i was going to pick her up, he would tell me that I better not pick her up and that he better see her on the bus getting home. I let her dad have her for the weekend. This week, I picked her up monday and dropped her off tuesday morning in time for the bus. Tuesday, he told me that he will now be picking her up from school from now on. I knew my rights and have told him that I am the mother of my child and I have the rights over my child and he doesn't.

    *I have told him that i have the rights to call the cops to bring her back to me. He ignored and kept doing what hes doing. Yesterday, I enrolled her into a school nearby my location. he later texted me that he will not let my child go to that school and that it is not happening. The school spoke with the father when they received a fax from the school I enrolled my child in to see if this school transfer was correct.

    I*told the school that she is now attending that her last day will be this friday and she is starting at the new school monday. They could not do anything I said or let my child come with me anymore because my name was no where on the papers that her father had submitted to the school. My daughters father has said that if I come to the school again to pick up my daughter, the principal will call the cops on me.

    I have never asked money from childs father. I pay for all my childs things that she has with me at home. Childs father and I have never been through court. No child support and no custody order. Again, we were never married. What are my rights? What can and what shall i do? What can I not do?

    My downfall
    - child has been living with dad in 2011 and 2012 during preschool while I had her over weekends.
    - I do not work right now.
    - unstable jobs in past, perhaps?

    Truth please.
    See how much easier that is to read if you break it up into paragraphs?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
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    98,846

    Default Re: What are the Rights of a Mother if No Custody Order Exists

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    With that said, absent an order actually preventing Mom from pick up, the school had absolutely NO RIGHT to withhold that child. I suggest Mom reminds them of this - they could be in serious hot water.
    So far, all the school has done is indicate that their paperwork does not reflect the mother's identity. The school needs documentation of mom's relationship with the child before they're going to recognize her as a person with the right to pick up the child at the school. Mom can inquire with the school about what documentation they may need and how to provide it. Mom should not take dad's word for what the school will or will not do.

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