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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    Raleigh, North Carolina, United States
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    1

    Default Reporting Statutory Rape and Sexual Assault Several Years Later

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: North Carolina

    When I was fourteen, I entered a "relationship" with a much older man. of thirty-one. The relationship was sexual. We engaged in vaginal, oral, anal...you get it. Most of this relationship was "consensual" however there was an instance of rape. I've dealt with depression and anxiety, sexual issues...some of which I contribute heavily to him, among other abusers from my childhood (whom are now deceased).

    The problem is, this was six years ago. I have no proof, really. I've looked up the statute in my state and given our age difference, he committed a felony/several felonies which in NC do not have a statute. (Felony sexual crimes in NC, from what I understand, do not have a statute. Correct me if I am wrong.) I have legal grounds then to press charges, but it seems like without proof it will be he said/she said. Really the only thing I have on my side is that he's already a registered sex offender.

    Any advice would be helpful. I just want closure.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Second star to the right...
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    323

    Default Re: Reporting Statutory Rape and Sexual Assault Several Years Later

    You requested advice, and state any would be helpful. I am going to defer on the legal aspects of your question and go for the "helpful" part.


    1.) Counseling helps tremendously. Really. Really. It will not erase the trauma of rape but will help you process what happened and move forward. It is never too late to start counseling for this type issue, but the sooner the better. If you don't have money, call a rape crisis center and see if there are referrals to low cost or free services.

    2.) Since you state you just want closure, talk with a counselor about whether you are likely to get the closure you desire from legal venues prior to starting any actions or whether counseling or some sort of other action might better help you get the closure you deisre. There is a very low conviction rate in cases of sexual assault and as you mention the assault happened many years ago. It is important to consider how you would handle reporting the crime and potentially not being believed, reporting the crime and no charges being filed, reporting the crime and the man is acquitted etc, would affect you versus the potential gains of seeing justic served with someone that understands rape trauma and the criminal justice system. Make the decision to pursue legal action, or not, in consultation with a counselor.

    Good luck

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Reporting Statutory Rape and Sexual Assault Several Years Later

    all you can do is report the situation. The police and/or prosecutor will investigate. If enough evidence is found to support pressing charges, the prosecutor will do that.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Reporting Statutory Rape and Sexual Assault Several Years Later

    Quote Quoting Kimberly Joy Fox
    View Post
    When I was fourteen, I entered a "relationship" with a much older man. of thirty-one. The relationship was sexual. We engaged in vaginal, oral, anal...you get it. Most of this relationship was "consensual" however there was an instance of rape.
    The law doesn't consider children (which is what you were at 14) to be able to understand and predict the consequences of their actions, particularly sexual actions. That's why we have age of consent laws - to put the burden for consentual sexual activity on the shoulders of adults, and to make it a criminal offense for adults to take advantage of children. In other words, even if you agreed to the activities, the law still considers you a victim of his actions, so EVERY encounter, even ones you agreed to or even any that you sought out, was "rape".


    I've dealt with depression and anxiety, sexual issues...some of which I contribute heavily to him, among other abusers from my childhood (whom are now deceased).

    Drthyrd gave good advice. The earlier in life you experiences being victimized, the deeper the impact it has upon the rest of your life. When victimized during childhood, it messes with all sorts of things that impact your mental health, physical health, emotional and spiritual health, heck, everything. It makes you approach life, people, fears differently than you might have otherwise. It changes how you perceive yourself, others, and the world in general and can have negative life-long consequences on everything from your career, to your social function, to your attitudes about sex, to the health (or lack thereof) in your adult relationships. Counseling, whether individual, group, or both, can be a good way to examine what parts of your life have been impacted, and to regain your own personal control back over those aspects of your life.

    The problem is, this was six years ago. I have no proof, really.
    Proof is the problem of the prosecutor. There isn't what most people would call "proof" in a large majority of childhood abuse cases, but fortunately for victims, "proofs" come in many forms, including circumstantial evidence. Sounds like this was a relationship that spanned some length of time (not just a once or twice occurrance). If that's so, then there would have been places where these activities took place, ways that you communicated with each other, lies that were told to parents or guardians to hide what you were really doing, trainkets or gifts that were exchanged, etc. All of those things can work together as "proof". Don't YOU worry about "proof", let the authorities do that.

    Make your report to police, and get yourself some qualified help to get your emotional self out of the ditch and back on the road. You CAN do it.

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