Defining "Reasonable" Visitation Request

[maxrose11]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

My ex-husband is requesting a modification of our parenting plan for the fourth time in as many years. He is attempting to modify his child support by building 107 days of visitation in. I have no problem with agreeing to his spending time with the children, but he has repeatedly changed the order to increase his control over when, where, how long, with how much notice, etc. He has blatantly refused to provide tax and income information since our last court appearance in 2009, when he had is support reduced to $700 a month- based on an income of approximately $57k. He is a federal employee so his income is public- his position provides a base salary of $80k without taking into account his OT, federal bonus, or actual grade/scale of pay which could bump it as high as $120k. I make $2600 net monthly and am struggling to support my children, who have both had serious medical issues and surgeries for the last few years (which he isn't paying his pro-rata share of) so hiring an attorney that requires a retainer is just not an option if I am going to meet their needs.Now he is asking that the following stipulations be built in and honored until our youngest child turns 18...in eleven years. He wants it signed in a week or he's threatening court again. I have been told that I have no chance of denying his request but I don't want to deny him the time, rather the parameters of how/when he is able to take it. His stipulations are:
1. Visitation days scheduled for structured in advance weekend/school breaks are now totaled at 63. He has then requested a total of 29 "Flex days" which he may take at any time as long as he provides a two week notice. Even on school days/nights. The plan states that he will ensure the childrens academics are not affected but also makes it clear that he can't promise the usual attendance level as he lives over an hour away and has not once been to either of these schools to know the pick up/drop off procedures.
2. They have written in that we will no longer provide itineraries to each other if we take the kids out of state, which upsets me.
3. He has also stipulated that I handle any slack in his visitation as "the mother is off of work on all weekends and holidays and Father's employment requires him to work some of those days on a varying/rotating schedule". I am NOT off on all holidays and go in many weekends to earn a little OT to make ends meet.
4. He wants his support further reduced as he states that my son, at 10 years of age, is no longer legally required to have adult supervision before and after school. I can't find that law anywhere and feel that my son is far to immature to be on his own 4 hours a day.
5. He may alter the pickup times and locations anytime he wishes as long as he gives a 48 hour notice.
6. He will pay $700 per month through December, then $500 monthly through 2015, then $300 until my daughter graduates in 2021. Without adjusting for income, etc.
7. If he "does not receive" (not if I do not mail) medical bills within 10 days, pay 100% of costs associated with physicians whose office I visits I accompany the children to and also visit as a patient myself "at the time of service" and bill him afterwards, and if I do not "enforce that third parties involved in medical billing bill the father for his portion directly" (some offices will not do so) I become responsible for 100% of all medical bills incurred.
8. Any deviation from the plan will not be grounds to petition for the court to alter the plan or the support at any point going forward. Including his failure to take his time, provide his tax info...

This just seems like such an obvious way to keep his child support at the 92 days and over mark without actually being help to honoring it. I have told him I will not sign any modification not supported by a variance until I see his income statements, which he said is grounds to take me to court and hold me responsible for his fees. I just received a bonus that creates a 15% upward variance in my income and may beat him to it, but not if the outcome is what he has put forth. Can he demand that I comply to all of this? Would a judge honor this? Please advise in terms of what I can do to gain back some control and provide my little ones with the stability they deserve without robbing him of his rights.

[gam]

Who told you have no chance of denying this? You don't have to agree to anything, let him take this to court, and argue against it.

1. No extra days during the school year, if he is not going to get the children to school. Give him any of the longer weekends that school is not in session, give him weekdays during the summer. Fair compromise since he can't get the kids to school. Unlikely a Judge will agree to school nights when dad says outright he is not going to get them to school.
2. Might not be able to get itineraries, but you should be able to get in that he provide addresses and a phone number. Not sure what his big problem with providing this it, as you have to give him the same information, but I would not completely take it out.
3. Tell the court you do work some weekends and holidays and if he can't do his time and you have to work then he must either provide care for the children on his time or pay for the care you have to find.
4. Most states do not have a law, check your child support formula and laws concerning child support and see if they have an age that you can receive childcare up to. My state has it written in the formula, and it is 12, so one can use childcare up to 12 and the NCP will have to pay their portion of that childcare, so check and see if yours has anything like that.
5. Pick ups times and locations need to be set, if he wishes for a change, he of course can discuss it with you, it will change if you agree, if not it goes to the times and places the order says.
6. Nope child support does not work like that, your state has a child support formula, that is what you agree to. Incomes and whatever else they allow are plugged in the amount comes out and you do not have to agree to anything else.
7. Medical bills, look again in child support formula and laws for your state and see what it says on paying these. That is what you stick to. You have no control how someone bills the medical charges, so he can pound sand on that.
8. No reason at all for that to be in here, that benefits him only, a court order for custody, parenting time and child support can be modified at any time a change of circumstances takes place, do not agree to this.

Don't agree to this, your far better off taking your chance in court. Read up on child support, parenting time(pay attention to your state or areas standard plans), read the laws surrounding all of this and try without a lawyer. He can't demand you do anything that is not in your current order, he is trying to scare you and force you into what only benefits him. Courts look to "the best interest of the children", not the best interest of a parent. You want some control back, stand up to him, call his bluff and take your chance in court, he is not going to get most of this crap.

[Chede]

Do you have the county take out child support right now? If your previous order says he owes 700 in child support, I don't see how he can just "demand" to pay less. As stated, there is a state calculated child support calculator. If child support is not taken out through the county/state, that is something else you may want to look into as well and give them your orders for child support. I think the state/county will retrieve the income tax statements and he would be required to provide his information. I think you can ask the country to do a review right now based on change of income.