How to File for Visitation for a Special Needs Adult Child

[Shadow10]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NJ. My boyfriend and his ex had a bad relationship. Long story short, Dyfs got involved and the mom was only allowed supervised visitation. The child turned 18 and dyfs walked away, but the problems were still there. Him and I had custodial custody for 3 years and kept a good routine and school schedule, the whole time The mom did not pay or keep a schedule for visits, which you cant do with someone with autism. After 3 years of harassment from the mom, we allowed the child to return to her and her prior school, which she can attend until 21. The mom recently filed and is receiving child support. How do we file for structured visitation that will be enforced since mom cant be trusted? I guess we gave no recourse for credit for the 3 years she didnt pay us? Do we pay support the rest of her life or until she is 21?
We had to block our home and work phones due to harassing calls and texts from her at all hours of the day and night. The old neighbors have restraining orders against her and she filed false sexual harassment charges against us, that were thrown out-to try and keep us away. She lives 2 hours away abd would never be home when we had a pick up or drop off. She is literally crazy but the child wants her mom and and we cant keep her from her, neither parent has guardianship. Please help.

[aardvarc]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NJ. My boyfriend and his ex had a bad relationship. Long story short, Dyfs got involved and the mom was only allowed supervised visitation. The child turned 18 and dyfs walked away, but the problems were still there.

If neither parent bothered to file for adult guardianship, yep, that means problems - generally boiling down to whomever is functioning as the daily caretaker having status quo.

Him and I had custodial custody for 3 years

Just to be clear...are you telling us that YOU are listed on COURT generated paperwork as a legal guardian to the child of a man you're not married to? Are you SURE about that?

and kept a good routine and school schedule, the whole time The mom did not pay or keep a schedule for visits, which you cant do with someone with autism

And yet, this happened:

After 3 years of harassment from the mom, we allowed the child to return to her and her prior school, which she can attend until 21.

So it "can't" happen (presumably because it's upsetting for the child), but when mom did it, you thought it a good idea to turn the child over to her? Someone's going to have to explain that logic. Judges like logic.

The mom recently filed and is receiving child support.

Makes sense.

How do we file for structured visitation that will be enforced since mom cant be trusted?

Obviously mom CAN be trusted, because the child was returned to her. That's what the act of returning the child to her tells the court - that dad finds mom to be prefectly capable and trustworthy. He can't have it both ways, and actions speak much louder than words. If dad wants visitation, he needs to hire an attorney and seek visitation. Dependant adult cases are MUCH more complicated than custody cases involving minors. This isn't going to be a do-it-yourself project for dad. He NEEDS an attorney experienced in these cases.

I guess we gave no recourse for credit for the 3 years she didnt pay us?

What did dad do to have the child support order enforced? If he sat on his fanny and didn't take mom to court, then yes, no recourse.

Do we pay support the rest of her life or until she is 21?

We can't read your court orders from here. Tell dad to READ the child support order.

We had to block our home and work phones due to harassing calls and texts from her at all hours of the day and night.

Dad can consider either reporting criminal harassing calls, or seeking a restraining order - however he needs to plan that with his attorney, because if mom is functioning as the child's primary caregiver, and there are issues perhaps where visitation would need to occur in mom's home, then doing to may effectively mean dad blocking himself from contact with his child. too.

The old neighbors have restraining orders against her

Not relevant to a child support or custody case that does't involve them.

and she filed false sexual harassment charges against us, that were thrown out-to try and keep us away

Ok.

She lives 2 hours away abd would never be home when we had a pick up or drop off.

If she's in violation of a court's order for visitation, then dad needs to go back before the court on that matter. If dad doesn't have a court order for visitation, mom can screw with him all she likes.

neither parent has guardianship

Then tell dad to either seek guardianship, or put up with the situation.

[Antigone]

Then tell dad to either seek guardianship, or put up with the situation.

This is a definite must.

[Shadow10]

Thank you your responses. Unfortunately the attorney we had did not do what we requested and paid for. We asked to file for child support and for scheduled visitation, and he did not do what we asked, instead he sent a letter to her stating that if she didnt comply with the visitation that they had agreed in that she would have to reimburse for the gas/tolls when we went and she was a no show. We tried twice to get restraining orders for her unscheduled pick ups, she would state we were keeping the child from her when in fact she was always showing up a day late. The state troopers dont want to get involved so they give the kid back, the local authorities didnt enforce anything at pick up/drop offs, it was a wild goose chase and a circus every weekend. and were denied, Went to atty again re: harassment and he sent another letter.
Tried geting Guardianship but childs doctors wont sign papers as they know both parties want guardianship. Dyfs walked away the day after her 18th bday even though she is in school until 21. We did not want to return the child, but the child is 8 yrs old mentally and wants her mom, and we did not have legal recourse to keep her away, and the mother pretends she wants her, but uses the childs ssi and child support for herself and that is why she is keeping her. She tried to get day care funds and she doesnt work. She is living in the house that will be foreclosed on any minute, she can work but refuses to and was picked up in June again for shoplifting. She told outlandish stories to the Arc and school and threatens the people there daily, so they say 'sorry but we dont want to deal with her. We are skipping the lousy atty route and went to file our own visitation papers. I personally know this lunatic wont abide by whatever the court papers say and i know the same things will happen with the police as they dont want to deal with her drama-but we have no other options, so here we go again.
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